Stop Trying So Hard!

 

This photo makes me sick because this man is trying too hard to get a greeting from this woman with an attitude. If you speak to her, and she won't speak back...keep it moving. Thank goodness I'm not hard up for a woman speaking to me. If she speaks to me, I speak back and keep moving. If not, oh well. Maybe she's got a lot on her mind, maybe she doesn't feel like talking, or as this picture states: Some black men have made her mad, and she's taking it out on him. I don't have time to force a greeting out of a woman, or anyone for that matter. 9 times out of 10, I'm going on about my day so I'll do a quick hi and ride out. It's not that serious for a man to go out of his way to make a woman acknowledge him. This picture goes into simp territory.

Contrary to what this picture states, many men DON'T want to "holla", they just want to speak to a woman and keep going. It's considered rude to ignore someone's greeting to you, so maybe he has a point. The "I Love You" comment was a bit much because they don't know each other, so why would he tell her he loves her? I love you is what couples tell each other and their children, extended & immediate family, etc. The thirst is critical for this man because there's no telling the lengths he will go to get her to acknowledge his greeting. These men need to tighten up, and stop fishing for greetings from women. A man's day should not be dictated by a woman's greeting. If she wants to act stupid, that's her problem. You cannot make others' problems, your problems.

As far as I'm concerned, she could be turned off by his constant attempts at getting her to speak. Most women will speak when spoken to. In the event that someone doesn't speak, chalk it up to them having a lot on their mind. I think of this man as someone who likes to make a woman happy. He wants to know what's on her mind, and won't stop until she opens up.



Strawberry Letter: Wife On Edge

Good Morning: I am a 24 year old wife and mother of two. I have been married a year, and I am already on edge and ready to get a divorce. Last year, after my husband and I got married I found some emails from some of my husband's "female friends" and his ex girlfriend where he told them the only reason he got married was because the military gave him more money. Needless to say I was pissed and was ready to separate, but after his begging, pleading and crying I decided that I would stay. The very next month I saw emails and text messages between him and his ex girlfriend where she was totally disrespecting me and he allowed her to do it. Again I went off but did not threaten to leave or anything I just snapped. He left on deployment for 6 months; about 2 months after he returned I went to the doctor and found out that I had contracted an STD. Of course he denied being with anyone while he was gone, and I know I had not been with anyone else. That was the first crack in our relationship. He then turned very mean and would randomly get upset with me and I had no idea why. Recently I just picked up his phone and saw that he and a female "friend" had been exchanging pictures of body parts that should not be shown. Even though he has never hit me physically, that hurt as if he punched me. I confronted him about it, and he made up every reason for why it was okay. I am really on edge and stuck between staying and going. I really don't want to be anybody's fool, but I do love my husband. What should I do?

 

My View: This is why I have little respect for marriage, because of situations like this. Doesn't anyone respect the sacred bond of marriage anymore? Goodness. Couples messing around on each other, then they have the nerve to come home to each other like the mess isn't wrong. If you're not going to be faithful to your spouse, you have no business getting married. I see why couples get married, for the financial & legal benefits. Monogamy is a lost art in today's world. People get together, and have others on the side. Look at what happened to this woman: She caught an STD because her husband was messing around with another woman. I truly feel bad for her, and her children. How can he be upset with her and HE was the one who cheated? Some of these men piss me off with their deflection. He's upset with his wife because HE cheated.

Once he begged, pleaded and cried, I knew she was going to take him back. Men know how to play on women's emotions, and that's what he did and she fell for the okie doke. He wasn't sorry, he was sorry he got caught. He cheated on her several times (sexting included), and she wants to stay? That's crazy. No wonder men continue to cheat, because they know their women will take them back. Of course he's going to deny being with anyone else; he doesn't want problems with his wife. She went off on him the first time, so he's not letting that happen again.. I'm not trying to be mean, but if she stays with him after everything he's put her through, she deserves everything she gets. Women need to tighten up and stop allowing these men to play them. If he cheats once, LEAVE. People do what you allow, and cheating is no different. Infidelity is grounds for divorce, and the Bible says so.

 You can get married with the best intentions, and your partner will still cheat. This is why discernment is important: If you have an uneasy feeling about someone, it's for a reason. Something about them doesn't mesh with your spirit. If caution is thrown to the wind, you have no reason to catch feelings because (s)he knew something wasn't right, and (s)he went forward with the relationship. Infidelity should warrant immediate divorce because if cheating happens once, it will happen again. How much pain is one supposed to endure in marriage? Happiness should always trump loving someone through the rough times. He gave her an STD; that right there should tell her to exit stage left.



Scenario: What's In Your Heart, Comes Out Of Your Mouth

 

A man and his woman get into an argument, and she says hurtful things to her man. She's never been the violent type, but this time she slaps him, and tells him to get out. He leaves and she calls her man to apologize for stepping out of character and putting her hands on him. Does he?
A. Accept her apology and go back home?
B. Avoid her calls until he cools off?
C. End the relationship

 

There is no universal answer because each man is different. One man may accept her apology and go back home to his wife, another man may avoid her calls until he's had time to calm down, or the last man would end the relationship. There is no reason for couples to lay hands on each other in anger; that is unforgivable. Yes, rough times will come in marriage, but that doesn't warrant physical abuse. Sure (s)he may apologize for putting hands on you in anger, but who's to say they won't do it again the next time they get angry? You don't know, so it's best to have zero tolerance for ANY abuse in a relationship. Some people are very good at manipulation, they apologize for their transgression just so they can have another opportunity to go upside your head. Why would he avoid her calls until he cools off? By that time, it may be too late to reason with people like her. In matters like this, she just didn't decide to slap him. She's had a lot of built-up anger to let loose on her husband.

 Answer C would be a no brainer for me, and let me explain why: I cannot let this slide because who's to say she won't do it again? I'm not about to risk it. Had I gone upside her head, I'd be dead wrong and be in jail. I'll forgive her, but I will never forget. I couldn't look at her the same way. She can apologize all she wants, but the damage was already done. THAT cannot be erased. When someone's angry, you find out their true colors. Nobody gets that angry for no reason; it's a build-up of previous issues . She didn't decide to beat on me for no reason; she's held in a lot over time and it all came to a head when we had an argument. There's no coming back from that episode. She can apologize all she wants, but she would be gone. I have zero tolerance for physical abuse. If I wouldn't let anyone else beat on me, what makes her think I'll let her do the same? No, I'd walk away and work on a divorce. I wouldn't pray about it, nothing. No amount of prayer would restore this incident. In situations like this, you don't know someone until you see them at their worst. Once you've seen them at their worst, what's in their heart will flow out of their mouth.



Somebody's Got To Do It

 

If a man isn't being a man, somebody's got to do it. That "somebody" means the woman. How many women think this way? More than we know, and that's sad. In every relationship, there's an order that must be followed (if a person's single, the order doesn't apply.): The man is considered the head over the woman. God set it up like this for a reason. Most women don't agree with or like the order, but they need to take it up with God. If a woman senses a man isn't fulfilling his role, she needs to leave him. She has no business staying with a man that's comfortable in letting the woman lead. Women lose respect for their men if he allows her to bulldoze him. Contrary to women's combative nature, many women do want an assertive man that will check them. I don't know of any woman that wants a man to let her rum amok and endanger him/her(self). Sadly, many women enter relationships with weak men, then get upset when she has to take charge. Well, someone has to take charge in a relationship or there will be chaos. If a man's not doing his job, it's on the woman to do one of two things: Get rid of him or tell him to shape up. A woman shouldn't have to tell her man to tighten up, his game should be tight daily. Every day, a man should strategize on how to position his family for survival after he leaves this world. I don't know too many men that would be cool with letting their woman lead, although they do exist. If a man is fine with letting his woman lead, that's his perogative. He needs to understand that his woman will lose respect for him as time passes. She may not say it, but she's thinking it. First, the dirty looks; next, silent treatment, and it takes one argument which will reveal everything she's felt up to that point. No woman should have to be the man in her relationship. If he's not doing his job, cancel him and move on to a more thorough man. The issue is, a no-nonsense man won't allow his woman to get away with nonsense so when she tries it with him, he's gonna put her in her place, and dare her to move. Wait, a woman CAN be the man in her relationship, but that would make her a hermaphrodite. She can't decide if she wants to wear the pants or the panties in a relationship.

Engagement Ring

Why do women make a big deal about the cost of an engagement ring? A woman should appreciate her engagement ring, regardless of cost. Some women have this notion that if a ring doesn't cost 5 figures, he didn't put much thought into choosing her ring. I say that's false; You can get a good engagement ring at a jewelry store in the mall for $1000-$2000, tops. No need to spend one's annual salary on a ring. You make $65K a year, and your ring budget is $30K. What? That's almost half one's salary. I could NOT see myself spending half of my salary on an engagement ring. Most women that want huge engagement rings don't realize they are paying for the engagement ring themselves. Some women want a man to save 3 months salary to purchase a ring. If he's not rich, that 3-6 months has to come from somewhere, and usually from financing. Not many people can drop 6 months salary on a ring, and think nothing of it. Many Americans are living paycheck to paycheck, so most people can't afford to drop $10K on an engagement. If you're wealthy, of course. A smart man would spend no more than $1000-$2000 on an engagement ring for his fiancee. A good woman wouldn't want her husband going broke buying an engagement ring. Think about it, the 3-6 months salary he's saving on the engagement ring could be better spent saving for the wedding or saving for a down payment on a house. People don't think like that; spending 5 figures on an engagement ring is living for the moment. I get he wants to make sure his lady is spoken for, and there's nothing wrong with that. I'm just saying some women shouldn't place so much emphasis on the cost of the ring. A lifetime together should be more important than how much an engagement ring costs. If you're rich, and can afford to drop $30K or so on an engagement ring, more power to you. If you're like many Americans, you're on a budget, and you have to watch every penny. I just think it's crazy to spend your annual salary on an engagement ring, not realizing you have to live afterwards.
 

Oprah Winfrey Interviews Joel Osteen - In Defense of Joel Osteen

 

Last night, Oprah sat down with famed megachurch pastor Joel Osteen. In this interview, he keeps it 100 all the way. They discuss a variety of faith-related topics. I remember listening to John Osteen several years ago on television, and that's how I heard of Joel. Originally, Joel wasn't checking for the pulpit, but God called him to preach the gospel. It's funny how God has a way of FORCING you into his agenda. Looking at Joel Osteen right now, I know he's making his dad proud. I remember Lakewood's humble beginnings in Northeast Houston. The church stayed in the ghetto for quite sometime before it moved to the former Rockets arena, the Compaq Center (formerly The Summit). Of the time Lakewood was in a black area, it made a difference in the hood. John Osteen died of a heart attack in '99 (the year I graduated from high school), so Joel took over. Joel Osteen is coming to Tallahassee, FL on March 14, 2014 so I plan on attending. I've been praying for a chance to see Joel Osteen live, and now I have my chance. I enjoy Joel's messages because they're succinct; he gets to the point in 30-35 minutes. Joel's style is a combination of motivational & inspirational preaching, and people need that. Life beats you down enough, and the last thing some people need is a fire & brimstone preacher. I understand the need for rebuke, but if all your sermons consist of doom & gloom, nobody's checking for that. Let me address something right now: I'm SICK & TIRED of Joel Osteen's critics. People always have something crazy to say about that man's blessings. When you honor God, he will honor you; simple as that. Joel came from humble beginnings and paid his dues, so he deserves to shine. Joel knows where he came from, so I don't think he's worried about his critics. When God blesses you, be ready for jealousy (even from your loved ones). Most people can't stand seeing another person doing better than them, so the natural thing to do is hate. People have this ridiculous notion that Christians are supposed to be broke & poor. First off, God wants his children to have the best in life. There's nothing holy about being poor & broke. You worry about where your next meal is coming from, you see others dressed better, and you want what they have. It baffles me that people think because a Christian is well-off, that they're worldly. God fills our lives with blessings, when we obey him. So, the world is supposed to be blessed but Christians aren't? Have seveal seats. Just because some people are accustomed to struggle, doesn't mean they should portray that on everyone. In closing, shout out to all Christians who are doing very well for themselves and stay humble. Keep on keeping on.

Not A Homewrecker?

Grown Soul & Real Talk:

I just wanted to say that every woman involved with a married man is NOT a home wrecker. Sometimes, things just happen and before you know it, you’re in your feelings and involved with that person. Also, sometimes it IS the wife’s fault the marriage is failing!
I’m saying this because I was involved with a married man for a year, and he actually divorced his wife and married me – he wasn't playing games and stringing me along.
My question, why do people automatically think it’s the other woman’s fault, she stole somebody’s husband, etc? Sometimes, it’s more complicated than that.

 

My View: A woman involved with a married man isn't a homewrecker. Wow...then I suppose a man who cheats on his woman isn't a cheater. The logic people use to excuse their misdeeds. The truth is this: A woman involved with a married man is a homewrecker, period. Because she can't get her own man, she seeks to get involved with a married one. Make it so bad, the married man doesn't leave his wife for the other woman. Why do some women think that because they get with a married man, he's a good man? Last time I checked, a good man would never disrespect his wife by having a side woman. That's all the other woman is, a side woman. Sometimes, it is the wife's fault the marriage is failing. She's not what he envisioned, not doing her job as a wife, etc. Various things can lead to a man seeking happiness outside of his marriage. Now, a man cannot be stolen. Chances are, he and the other woman were already plotting to see each other; they needed the right time to do it. Being with someone married is wrong, but we decide to do the wrong thing sometimes. People just have to be grown enough to deal with the consequences. She's ok with a man with no loyalty, integrity, or maturity & therefore found herself in love with such a person. That makes sense for her because she lacks those qualities. It doesn't matter if it's his fault, her fault, both of their faults. You see one side of the story. Was she on their journey from the beginning?? So how can she make any judgments according to what he said? It takes two to tango. Both of them are wrong. You end things as a virtuous person & ONLY then is it right to move on with someone else. Ultimately, it's the husband that chose not to be 100% committed to his vows for better or worse, through sickness and in health. In closing: If cheating was on the table, the marriage should've been over long ago. Keep in mind that he cheated on his wife with HER; so she cannot be upset when he blames her for stepping out on the relationship. Stories like that just give people more ammo NOT to get married, because someone can do all they can to make their spouse happy, but if a person wants to cheat, they're going to cheat.