Scenario: What's In Your Heart, Comes Out Of Your Mouth

 

A man and his woman get into an argument, and she says hurtful things to her man. She's never been the violent type, but this time she slaps him, and tells him to get out. He leaves and she calls her man to apologize for stepping out of character and putting her hands on him. Does he?
A. Accept her apology and go back home?
B. Avoid her calls until he cools off?
C. End the relationship

 

There is no universal answer because each man is different. One man may accept her apology and go back home to his wife, another man may avoid her calls until he's had time to calm down, or the last man would end the relationship. There is no reason for couples to lay hands on each other in anger; that is unforgivable. Yes, rough times will come in marriage, but that doesn't warrant physical abuse. Sure (s)he may apologize for putting hands on you in anger, but who's to say they won't do it again the next time they get angry? You don't know, so it's best to have zero tolerance for ANY abuse in a relationship. Some people are very good at manipulation, they apologize for their transgression just so they can have another opportunity to go upside your head. Why would he avoid her calls until he cools off? By that time, it may be too late to reason with people like her. In matters like this, she just didn't decide to slap him. She's had a lot of built-up anger to let loose on her husband.

 Answer C would be a no brainer for me, and let me explain why: I cannot let this slide because who's to say she won't do it again? I'm not about to risk it. Had I gone upside her head, I'd be dead wrong and be in jail. I'll forgive her, but I will never forget. I couldn't look at her the same way. She can apologize all she wants, but the damage was already done. THAT cannot be erased. When someone's angry, you find out their true colors. Nobody gets that angry for no reason; it's a build-up of previous issues . She didn't decide to beat on me for no reason; she's held in a lot over time and it all came to a head when we had an argument. There's no coming back from that episode. She can apologize all she wants, but she would be gone. I have zero tolerance for physical abuse. If I wouldn't let anyone else beat on me, what makes her think I'll let her do the same? No, I'd walk away and work on a divorce. I wouldn't pray about it, nothing. No amount of prayer would restore this incident. In situations like this, you don't know someone until you see them at their worst. Once you've seen them at their worst, what's in their heart will flow out of their mouth.



Somebody's Got To Do It

 

If a man isn't being a man, somebody's got to do it. That "somebody" means the woman. How many women think this way? More than we know, and that's sad. In every relationship, there's an order that must be followed (if a person's single, the order doesn't apply.): The man is considered the head over the woman. God set it up like this for a reason. Most women don't agree with or like the order, but they need to take it up with God. If a woman senses a man isn't fulfilling his role, she needs to leave him. She has no business staying with a man that's comfortable in letting the woman lead. Women lose respect for their men if he allows her to bulldoze him. Contrary to women's combative nature, many women do want an assertive man that will check them. I don't know of any woman that wants a man to let her rum amok and endanger him/her(self). Sadly, many women enter relationships with weak men, then get upset when she has to take charge. Well, someone has to take charge in a relationship or there will be chaos. If a man's not doing his job, it's on the woman to do one of two things: Get rid of him or tell him to shape up. A woman shouldn't have to tell her man to tighten up, his game should be tight daily. Every day, a man should strategize on how to position his family for survival after he leaves this world. I don't know too many men that would be cool with letting their woman lead, although they do exist. If a man is fine with letting his woman lead, that's his perogative. He needs to understand that his woman will lose respect for him as time passes. She may not say it, but she's thinking it. First, the dirty looks; next, silent treatment, and it takes one argument which will reveal everything she's felt up to that point. No woman should have to be the man in her relationship. If he's not doing his job, cancel him and move on to a more thorough man. The issue is, a no-nonsense man won't allow his woman to get away with nonsense so when she tries it with him, he's gonna put her in her place, and dare her to move. Wait, a woman CAN be the man in her relationship, but that would make her a hermaphrodite. She can't decide if she wants to wear the pants or the panties in a relationship.

Engagement Ring

Why do women make a big deal about the cost of an engagement ring? A woman should appreciate her engagement ring, regardless of cost. Some women have this notion that if a ring doesn't cost 5 figures, he didn't put much thought into choosing her ring. I say that's false; You can get a good engagement ring at a jewelry store in the mall for $1000-$2000, tops. No need to spend one's annual salary on a ring. You make $65K a year, and your ring budget is $30K. What? That's almost half one's salary. I could NOT see myself spending half of my salary on an engagement ring. Most women that want huge engagement rings don't realize they are paying for the engagement ring themselves. Some women want a man to save 3 months salary to purchase a ring. If he's not rich, that 3-6 months has to come from somewhere, and usually from financing. Not many people can drop 6 months salary on a ring, and think nothing of it. Many Americans are living paycheck to paycheck, so most people can't afford to drop $10K on an engagement. If you're wealthy, of course. A smart man would spend no more than $1000-$2000 on an engagement ring for his fiancee. A good woman wouldn't want her husband going broke buying an engagement ring. Think about it, the 3-6 months salary he's saving on the engagement ring could be better spent saving for the wedding or saving for a down payment on a house. People don't think like that; spending 5 figures on an engagement ring is living for the moment. I get he wants to make sure his lady is spoken for, and there's nothing wrong with that. I'm just saying some women shouldn't place so much emphasis on the cost of the ring. A lifetime together should be more important than how much an engagement ring costs. If you're rich, and can afford to drop $30K or so on an engagement ring, more power to you. If you're like many Americans, you're on a budget, and you have to watch every penny. I just think it's crazy to spend your annual salary on an engagement ring, not realizing you have to live afterwards.
 

Oprah Winfrey Interviews Joel Osteen - In Defense of Joel Osteen

 

Last night, Oprah sat down with famed megachurch pastor Joel Osteen. In this interview, he keeps it 100 all the way. They discuss a variety of faith-related topics. I remember listening to John Osteen several years ago on television, and that's how I heard of Joel. Originally, Joel wasn't checking for the pulpit, but God called him to preach the gospel. It's funny how God has a way of FORCING you into his agenda. Looking at Joel Osteen right now, I know he's making his dad proud. I remember Lakewood's humble beginnings in Northeast Houston. The church stayed in the ghetto for quite sometime before it moved to the former Rockets arena, the Compaq Center (formerly The Summit). Of the time Lakewood was in a black area, it made a difference in the hood. John Osteen died of a heart attack in '99 (the year I graduated from high school), so Joel took over. Joel Osteen is coming to Tallahassee, FL on March 14, 2014 so I plan on attending. I've been praying for a chance to see Joel Osteen live, and now I have my chance. I enjoy Joel's messages because they're succinct; he gets to the point in 30-35 minutes. Joel's style is a combination of motivational & inspirational preaching, and people need that. Life beats you down enough, and the last thing some people need is a fire & brimstone preacher. I understand the need for rebuke, but if all your sermons consist of doom & gloom, nobody's checking for that. Let me address something right now: I'm SICK & TIRED of Joel Osteen's critics. People always have something crazy to say about that man's blessings. When you honor God, he will honor you; simple as that. Joel came from humble beginnings and paid his dues, so he deserves to shine. Joel knows where he came from, so I don't think he's worried about his critics. When God blesses you, be ready for jealousy (even from your loved ones). Most people can't stand seeing another person doing better than them, so the natural thing to do is hate. People have this ridiculous notion that Christians are supposed to be broke & poor. First off, God wants his children to have the best in life. There's nothing holy about being poor & broke. You worry about where your next meal is coming from, you see others dressed better, and you want what they have. It baffles me that people think because a Christian is well-off, that they're worldly. God fills our lives with blessings, when we obey him. So, the world is supposed to be blessed but Christians aren't? Have seveal seats. Just because some people are accustomed to struggle, doesn't mean they should portray that on everyone. In closing, shout out to all Christians who are doing very well for themselves and stay humble. Keep on keeping on.

Not A Homewrecker?

Grown Soul & Real Talk:

I just wanted to say that every woman involved with a married man is NOT a home wrecker. Sometimes, things just happen and before you know it, you’re in your feelings and involved with that person. Also, sometimes it IS the wife’s fault the marriage is failing!
I’m saying this because I was involved with a married man for a year, and he actually divorced his wife and married me – he wasn't playing games and stringing me along.
My question, why do people automatically think it’s the other woman’s fault, she stole somebody’s husband, etc? Sometimes, it’s more complicated than that.

 

My View: A woman involved with a married man isn't a homewrecker. Wow...then I suppose a man who cheats on his woman isn't a cheater. The logic people use to excuse their misdeeds. The truth is this: A woman involved with a married man is a homewrecker, period. Because she can't get her own man, she seeks to get involved with a married one. Make it so bad, the married man doesn't leave his wife for the other woman. Why do some women think that because they get with a married man, he's a good man? Last time I checked, a good man would never disrespect his wife by having a side woman. That's all the other woman is, a side woman. Sometimes, it is the wife's fault the marriage is failing. She's not what he envisioned, not doing her job as a wife, etc. Various things can lead to a man seeking happiness outside of his marriage. Now, a man cannot be stolen. Chances are, he and the other woman were already plotting to see each other; they needed the right time to do it. Being with someone married is wrong, but we decide to do the wrong thing sometimes. People just have to be grown enough to deal with the consequences. She's ok with a man with no loyalty, integrity, or maturity & therefore found herself in love with such a person. That makes sense for her because she lacks those qualities. It doesn't matter if it's his fault, her fault, both of their faults. You see one side of the story. Was she on their journey from the beginning?? So how can she make any judgments according to what he said? It takes two to tango. Both of them are wrong. You end things as a virtuous person & ONLY then is it right to move on with someone else. Ultimately, it's the husband that chose not to be 100% committed to his vows for better or worse, through sickness and in health. In closing: If cheating was on the table, the marriage should've been over long ago. Keep in mind that he cheated on his wife with HER; so she cannot be upset when he blames her for stepping out on the relationship. Stories like that just give people more ammo NOT to get married, because someone can do all they can to make their spouse happy, but if a person wants to cheat, they're going to cheat.

Wedding Beef

GSRT Member Question:

I'm getting married next month. Our Dad left our mom for a younger woman a little over a year ago. He also tried to do our Mom dirty in the divorce, and both he and his new woman treated her really badly. They've supposedly made peace with it and everyone has moved on.
This woman he's with now is very disrespectful to our mom when we're around her and my Dad. We have asked her to not talk badly about our Mom when we are around but she continues to make horrible comments now and then. We also told her our Mom has been nothing but civil and doesn't say anything about her or our Dad so she needs to be a woman and stop all this noise. Our Dad never says anything, or lets her know she's out of line.
I told my Dad when I got engaged that his new "woman" was not welcome at my wedding for many different reasons. Now he says if she can't come, he's not coming either. I said fine--don't come, but my fiance says I should try to talk to my Dad again and make amends.
WTF? Am I being unreasonable?

My View: Weddings are a time for celebration, not drama. If her father wants to act stupid, LET HIM. If he's scared of his woman to where he won't check her for being free with the mouth, there's not much the daughter can do. Maybe it's for the best her father & his woman don't show up, because that's less drama for her to deal with. The fact that her father won't check his woman shows his true colors. Think about it: He tried to do her mom dirty in the divorce, and both of them treated her like a dog. Big ups go out to her mother for not sinking to these degenerates' level. Just because they're acting stupid, doesn't mean her mother should sink to their level. Their treatment towards her mother is proving one thing: She (the mother) is on their minds, but the mother is keeping it moving. The fact that her father & his new woman won't come to the wedding is a blessing because they would've tried to sabotage her wedding day. Divorce brings out the ugly in people, and that's one of many reasons why I'm reluctant to get married. I see where the fiance is coming from, but you can't make amends with someone who's bent on not coming to your wedding, especially if you think they're going to sabotage. I wouldn't try to talk sense into her father, because men are bullheaded so it would be futile. If she decides to make amends, she can do this: Meet him away from his new woman and from your mother. She explains to him again why she doesn't want her there and make the reasons clear. If he is still adamant that he is not coming, then wish them well. Life is too short for this nonsense. This is her wedding day, she shouldn't be stressing over a couple of clowns. Building up to the wedding, she should be excited about the planning process: Picking out her wedding gown and the reception. It's foul for her father not to come to her wedding because his new woman can't come too. Weddings are for the bridge & groom's closest friends & family. She sounds like trouble, so I wouldn't want her at my wedding either. A daughter's greatest joy is walking his daughter down the aisle on her big day, and her father won't give her that honor. Deep down, she will never forgive her father if he doesn't walk her down the aisle.



Big Dummy

 

Today's blog message is based on this Zane letter. Read on:

I just want to say, you are the best at what you do! Go head!! I have a huge issue. I’m 35 and when I was a sophomore in college, I met this really sexy white boy, he was the president of one of the biggest frats on campus. I had never been with a white boy before, and he had never been with a black girl so we messed around, and soon started dating. I’ll be honest, I really started dating him because he came from money, he was already admitted to law school, and I knew his future was going to be super bright. As soon as his family saw us together, they cut him off completely, but he worked his way through law school, and is now successful. We ended up getting married and we have 2 extremely gorgeous children, I have to admit, mostly due to his good genes. My husband and I work out religiously, and all the women I work with both old and young all get hot when he comes to bring me lunch or take me out to lunch every Monday and Friday. He's a fantastic provider and the best dad, me and our kids are his world. Recently, his family has come around to accepting us and so all is good… here’s the problem, my husband is white.

I can tell that my husband is extremely attractive, but he's not black. Unlike I thought about white boys, he's seriously packing down below and he goes all out in bed. Never a complaint there, hes like 99% perfect but, I've always been down for my chocolate men. Anyways, 2 months ago we hired a driver at my place of work, he’s 6’5 & 250 lbs of chocolate sexiness!! I lightly flirted with him and he with me, and soon we were sexting. He gets me HOT!! He's not much of a catch on paper, hes 32, has 6 kids, from 4 different women, but Zane he is FOINE!! On Saturdays, my husband takes the kids for the day and they let me have a "mommy day" usually for me to go to a spa or to do whatever I want. Last week, they came home early and caught me off guard while sexting. We had been sending pictures of body parts and my husband looked thru my phone. Zane, do you know what he did? He CRIED. Wtf? What man cries?? I thought he was going to get mad, but he cried. What a punk. He cried for days, I've never been so turned off. He might be secretly gay, or just a sissy. Men don’t cry they get angry, I thought he was going to look for the dude I was sexting, but hes talking about counseling! UGH!! I want a REAL MAN!! Ive been thinking about filing for divorce so that I can get things started with my chocolate man, he wants to move in with me when I get a place. I don’t mind leaving the kids with my husband, that’ll give me more privacy anyway. Do you think my husband has been on the DL? My best friend and I no longer talk bc she thinks I’m in the wrong, am I? I want a strong black man, not this sissy boy. Please help!!

My View: Basically, she's cheating on her husband by sexting with another man. To top it off, the husband cried? First off, if another man is trying to get at your woman, as her man you're supposed to handle that by any means necessary. This is why some men think very low of women, because of trifling broads like her. I get she and her husband aren't on good terms, but she doesn't have to hurt him. Make it so bad, she has no remorse either. I don't get how some people can make vows in marriage, then one spouse thinks nothing of hurting the other. Make it so bad, some people are proud to be hurtful to others. I don't blame her friend for not talking to her; I wouldn't either. Her friend doesn't respect her foul nature because she doesn't want to associate with slimy people. As the old adage goes: You are the company you keep; If you associate with crooks, you're one by association. "He's not much of a catch on paper, hes 32, has 6 kids, from 4 different women, but Zane he is FOINE!!" Ok, I thought when a woman cheats, she cheats on a higher caliber man. The man she's cheating with isn't much of a catch according to her, but he's handsome. This woman has no respect for her marriage, let alone her husband. If the husband is smart, he will x out the counseling idea and beat her to the punch with filing for divorce. Infidelity of ANY kind is unforgivable. Who's to say the other man and her haven't already met, and got physical? She did mention wanting to move him in once she gets her own spot. He may be "foine" as she states, but she'll get tired of him living off her. Add his baby mama issues to the mix, and this is a recipe for disaster. I hope she knows what she's doing. Is she prepared for any baby mama drama? We'll soon find out.