Check & Charge: By Nojma Reflects

Nojma Reflects

about an hour ago

I will never forget a conversation I had with a Sister, that had been a single parent all her life, who stated that she would always tell her son that he wouldn't be shyt. Now he has three baby mamas, lives with her and she helps him pay his child support, but she says he's like that because his father wasn't in his life.

I was like hold up, hold up, and hold up one more time. You, his MOTHER, the woman that bore him, his FIRST teacher, told him ALL his life that he wouldn't be shyt.....it basically became a mantra that you ingrained that in his head, so you predicted what his ain't shyt future would be, groomed him for his aint shyt future....but somehow, it's his FATHER'S fault? I don't know what I found more disturbing: The way she sacrificed her child in order to discount accountability, the level of denial that she displayed, or that the fact that she really felt she was innocent!

Yes an absent parent can make an impact, I can bear witness to that, but what about the impact that the PRESENT parent makes? This example among many others that I could write about is why I do what I do. Our arrogance, gross denial, the get out of accountability aka "victim card" that we automatically dispense whenever OUR WILLFUL actions are put on display, the various shields of deflection we use....I mean it's gotta end somewhere. It has to. Too many of our babies are suffering, being molded in bitter wombs, used as pawns, too many women using their wombs for retaliation, clearly dysfunction breeds dysfunction.

I get all these pleas for balance from women, but yall don't really want balance. I've been accused of being one sided when in actuality, you don't like that I show OUR dark side of the moon. You want some balance? Ok then. Since so many want me to talk about all the ain't shyt men, then it is only BALANCED if we talk about the aint shyt wombs that produced them. If we talk about the doggish men...then it's only BALANCED if we talk about the bitches that bred them, because every dog has a mother right? If you want me to talk about Brothers not marrying women but are sleeping with them then its only BALANCED if we discuss the women that don't MAKE marriage a requirement, but give men the BENEFITS of marriage.

Now how's that for "balance"?

 

 

*All I'm going to say is this: Sister Nojma just checked these deflective women, and charged them with the crime of deflection. Checked 'em and Charged Them.

I'll Go, If I Have To Go By Myself

 

The above link is from the old-school gospel group, The Canton Spirituals. The song is titled "Send Me, I'll Go". I like the lyrics I'll go, If I have to go by myself. When you think about it, sometimes that's what you have to do, go solo. When you're trying to get somewhere in life, and you want to take your loved ones with you, but they refuse to go, you have to forgo them, and go into God's destiny for yourself. When you decide to step out, you're not really going by yourself because God's got you. I think about this song a lot, and I'm at a place where I'm choosing to focus on myself. If others want to root for me and/or come along on my journey, good. If not, I'm still moving forward. As I move forward, the right people may (not) come along. When people see you moving forward into your destiny, that's when some people decide to wake up, and realize the calling of God on their lives. If you look at the biographies of some of society's influential people, in their early lives I'm sure they tried to get others on board with their vision. Some supported them, others did not. Those who didn't believe in him/her were left behind, as they should be. Those very same non-believers probably came back years later after (s)he made it, wanting to rejoice in their success. To use a basketball analogy: You wasn't with me shooting in the gym. Simply put, you weren't with me from Day 1. If those influential people listened to the doubters & haters, they wouldn't have got where they are today. Like the song lyrics state, "I'll go, If I have to go by myself." That's what they did; they went, and never looked back. Genesis 12:1, New International Version-The LORD had said to Abram, "Leave your native country, your relatives, and your father's family, and go to the land that I will show you. The above Bible verse shows how at times, God will call you to leave your loved ones behind to go into your destiny. Did Abram try to rally his loved ones around his vision? Probably. Did they try to talk him out of it? You Bet (everyone, family included, won't always agree with your vision). The important thing is that Abram was obedient to God, regardless of cost. In Closing, I say this: You will have to do what the song says and GO, even if you have to go by yourself.

Your Past Doesn't Define Your Future

The inspiration for this blog came from a sermon that Bishop Ray Willis preached on 8/12. He laid it down. In short, he stated that your past doesn't dictate your future. When I heard that message title, I knew it was something that Joel Osteen usually says, because I follow Joel Osteen and I like his style. Anyway, many times in life we allow our past to dictate our future, and that should not be. Some of the most influential people have had pasts (some good, others not so good). The difference between them and some regular people is that those big timers didn't let their past determine where they wanted to go. Sure, it may have been a tough battle to the top, but when (s)he made it, they can look back and say "I did that." Many people need to realize that their past is just THAT, their past. Each new day presents an opportunity to get it right. I know for me, I'm not going to let my past define my future because I've been through too much to give up now. As I sometimes say, I'm tempted to give up, but too stubborn to do so. Some people are used to losing in life that they don't know what to do when they finally start winning. All they've ever known was loss, so I can't expect them to know what winning feels like. I know for me, I will never get used to losing. If God allows me to win, then that's what I'm going to do. I don't want ANY regrets when I take my last breath. I want to be remembered as someone who came, saw, and conquered. I can't do that if I allow my past to dictate my future. I don't understand how someone can be SO CLOSE to breakthrough, and decide to quit. Their past tells them "Remember your failures? What makes you think you'll finally succeed?" Some people listen to the naysayers instead of what God says. If you're a child of God, then you automatically win. Anything less than that is uncivilized. If this applies to ANYONE, remember, you can do all things through Christ which strengthens you. Don't let your past dictate your future. I'm not, and neither should you.

It Never Fails

The following situation explains why men need to be careful about who they lay down with, because some of these women are downright foul. Read On:

Hello GFCAV (Grown Folks Conversation, Adult Version), I have a question----
My baby daddy just lost his job 2 months ago, now he can't pay me my child support. So every time he come to see our twin sons (who is 3) I charge him $1.00 per minute. Yep, that's right I sure do! And What?? This nigga gotta pay me to see his sons. If he want them overnight he gotta pay $75. He still be coming to see our boys, but not as often. I feel like he needs to be punished for losing his job and I want my money regardless. He call himself showing up at my door crying tears because he miss his sons, talkin about he putting in apps everday and please let him see his babies. Im like "oh well nigga, you either gonna pay up or miss out". I don't give a F**K about his relationship with my sons. My boys don't need no broke ass daddy. My new boyfriend will teach my babies to be real men, not some cryin ass punk. My question is this: How long should I wait before I report his ass for non-payment of child support. I need my damn loot!

 

My View: This story is all the ammunition I need NOT to lay down with a woman, because God forbid I'm in this situation, and I would hate to have to fight to see my children, based on unforeseen circumstances. Regardless of whether he lost his job or not, a father has the RIGHT to see his child(ren). For this woman to be so evil as to CHARGE him $1.00 per minute to see his children is dead wrong; I can't respect this, and no one with a brain would either. Getting punished for losing his job? She needs to be in a mental hospital, because something's obviously wrong with her. If the shoe was on the other foot, she would be begging for mercy (think Dwayne Wade's custody situation with his ex), and expect for him to cut her slack. Her new man lacks a spine because he's allowing this foolishness to continue. Call me crazy, but if I'm with a woman that won't let her child(ren)'s father spend time with his kid(s), I'm going to say something. Kids NEED their father in their lives, broke or not. Lack of proper guidance is why many boys end up dead or in prison, because they don't have a father to show them the way. I pray he doesn't knock her up, because she's going to do him the same way. This is what a few Facebookers had to say on this issue:

 

William Green Speechless,trash and poor excuse for a woman. Pimping out the boys and hurting the boys at the same time.She really has shit backwards and fucked up. Spending time with the boys is whats important,broke or not broke. You have many men spending the money,but NOT spending the time. Then wonder why their boys end up in prison or dead.No proper guidance. This so called new man of hers is worthless ass fuck to allow these type of actions to go on.Hopefully,he see her real character ans smart enough not to get her ass pregnant because she do him the same way.Dont blame it on not having a job.Just trifling! Damn!

 

Eletha Owens Excuse my French and rant, but this trifling, stupid B*TCH here is something else. I can see gold diggers like her a mile away...smh. This post shows her shows her true character. She only had those children because she saw money and meal tickets...smh. She could care less about what her ex is going through, how much he loves/misses his children, and how it pains him not to be able to provide for them the way he wants to. I'm sure there is a pro-bono legal agency out there that can help him fight for SOLE CUSTODY of his children because he is the one who should be raising them anyway. First of all, he needs to get DNA test to make sure those kids are his before he goes any further because she seems like a TRICK who will put a baby on the "highest bidder"...smh

 

Khrystle Nichole Oh wow! I hate when children are used as pawns in a dispute between parents. Ultimately she will be the one who the boys will grow to resent. While it can be frustrating to not have enough money to provide for your children, that shouldn't be taken out on the children or a man who is truly doing his best to provide for his children. I'm sure it's frustrating for him too. The funny thing is most of these women knew that man's financial status and earning potential before they laid down with him. He most likely has no more money than when she met him. But they seem to think that after they have babies with him that he will be able to miraculously make it rain. It's absurd. I think some of these women live in fantasyland.

 

Babette Glenn She ought to be charged a dime a second for ruining those boys lives. Their Dad, for whatever reason lost his job and she has the nerve to charge him to see his children and wants to put him up for child support. PEOPLE....PLEASE do not try this foolishness in your relationship with the mother of your children. You will be the one to get burned, just like she is. Her "new" boyfriend is soon to be her "old" one and there's no telling how many others she's going to run through before those boys turn 4.



Black People Are Toast

This is going to be the realest commentary I've written, but it has to be said. Looking at the state of the black community, I shake my head. From being locked up with impunity to content with mediocrity, it's safe to say that blacks are done. No matter how many strides blacks make in education and business, the overwhelming majority of statistics do not show blacks in a favorable light. A Riviera Beach man was jailed for raping a 12-year old boy in a field; he took him to a field and sexually assaulted him (the 12-year old was forced to give the older man oral sex). The reason was the thug had issue with the boy's older brother, so he (the offender) targeted the young boy as a way to get revenge. This is that ghetto mess I don't like: Street law dictates if you have beef with someone, you bring it directly to THEM. You don't go after the rival's family because they had nothing to do with it. Oh well, most street thugs feel if they can't get to you, they go after your loved ones. The more crimes I read involving some black people, the more disgusted I become. Post-Civil Rights era, on up to 1980, the black community was making moves. For example, Orange Mound. Orange Mound is a historic black neighborhood in Memphis, TN; the first black neighborhood built by and for blacks. It went downhill in the 80's and 90's, but back to my topic: After 1980, the black community took a nosedive. Went from doctors and lawyers to rappers and ratchets. Go on WSHH (WorldStar HipHop) and type in ghetto fights, twitter beef gone bad, and what's the common denominator? Black people. I'm NOT saying all blacks are up to no good, there are some blacks that were raised right, and are doing very well for themselves. Those blacks are what, 5-10%, 15% at the most? The other 85-95% bring the entire population down. Far be it for a black person to value his/her health, and they don't eat soul food (fried chicken, collard greens w/ hamhocks or hog jowls, mac & cheese, ribs, sweet tea, etc). Many blacks will call for their black card, because soul food is a staple in the black community and all blacks consume soul food. A black person that has a diverse culinary taste is assumed to be "white". Since when does expanding your horizons outside of soul food determine your race/ethnicity? I don't get that. Or, a black student who makes excellent grades is called a nerd by fellow black classmates. "You're acting white". Right, so because I strive for success I'm acting white? Gotcha, let me turn my black card in (insert sarcasm). There are more examples, but the gist is many blacks are content with living up to the stereotypes placed on them. Oh well, if never going to jail, striving for success and having good moral character makes me "white", I'll carry that proudly. It kills me to see the majority of blacks carrying on in nonsense like it's not wrong; then they complain about the white man holding them back. Smh. That is why black people are toast, with No Jam.

I Got Shhh On My Mind

 

Today's commentary is going to deal with the unemployment situation. I read a Facebook picture meme that stated "You Need Experience To Get Experience". Ok...and how is someone supposed to gain experience if they aren't given a shot? Someone can be qualified for a position & interview well, and still not get the job. "Seeking intern with 1-3 years experience in software development" Last I checked, internships were designed to give you EXPERIENCE which could lead to permanent full-time employment. The whole statement "You Need Experience To Get Experience" is malarky. Make it so bad, some unemployed people have given up looking for work, because they're tired of the games employers pay; call someone for an interview only to realize that HR already had someone else in mind. Well, if you already had someone in mind, why would you get a person's hopes up for nothing? That makes zero sense. It's foolishness like this that's the reason why many people are looking to full-time work-at-home jobs. Every now & then, I research internet income opportunities and I read testimonials of how regular people (some of which had corporate jobs) got tired of the corporate grind, and decided to get into working from home. These people are making much more working from home, than they did working full-time. Before you know it, there won't be a workforce because everyone went the work-from-home route. Simply put, employees are getting sick of corporate games: Companies expect loyalty from their employees, but lay them off in the same light. I could see laying off dead weight at your firm, because the slackers are there to collect a check. I can't understand laying off your most talented employees. Tell me what sense does it make to lay off your most skilled employees? NONE. I link this to sports: A coach keeps mediocre players, and trades his best players. A good coach keeps his best players, and works with the mediocre players so they too, can become skilled. The job market isn't like it used to be under President Clinton. When Clinton was in office, unemployment was at its lowest in decades; and the economy was prospering (that's another commentary for another time). You Need Experience To Get Experience is the dumbest statement I've ever heard. To Get Experience, You need to be hired first.

Arranged Marriage

The following was posed as a Question From A Friend, and deals with Arranged Marriages.

Question From A Friend: ARRANGED MARRIAGES! The more and more I think about it, I am a strong advocate of arranged marriages. Why? I want my daughters to marry into families that share the same godly values, share the same culture, religion, and language, and a similar socio-economic class. These identical factors would help make communication between the two individuals easier and help them understand their origins, carrying these values through generations. Although differences are necessary, when both individuals have a common core foundation in these areas, there would be more chances that the marriage would be successful and the risk of divorce would be lowered, creating a strong nuclear family. Yes, it is counter-cultural in our society, but certainly worthy of consideration. Would you consider this for your children? Why or why not?

 

My $.02: I've thought about arranged marriages, and I've come to a conclusion: Arranged Marriages are necessary. Why are arranged marriages necessary? Because it's hard to find someone who shares the same religion & culture, godly values, language and socio-economic class. Although differences are necessary, too much difference is bound to terminate the marriage because the couple has nothing in common. I come from a two-parent home (as do most people) and I think about those who come from divorced backgrounds. A woman that hasn't had a father in her life would have a tough time relating to her husband, because she wouldn't be able to understand how a man feels, and thinks. Being able to relate to your spouse is paramount to marital bliss. The same applies to men; Men who haven't had a mother in their life (either she's a deadbeat or passed early on in childhood) wouldn't understand women because he hasn't had anyone to teach him how women think & feel. It's no secret that two-parent households produce well-adjusted children, because those children are able to witness their parents interacting with each other; showing them how a loving couple behaves. Children who witness loving relations between parents are likely to emulate that in their own committed relationships with their spouses. Arranged marriages wouldn't be a bad idea, as divorce would almost be exterminated. When both individuals have a common core foundation, arranged marriages have a higher success rate because both man & woman would be on the same page. I would consider an arranged marriage for my child(ren), if I got to know my child(ren)'s mate, and both families were on the same page. Looking throughout the Bible, I realize that arranged marriages were the norm; there was no courting involved. Going further, arranged marriages can seem forced, because in a sense, a parent is picking their child's husband and/or wife. Let the child grow up to make up his/her mind as to who they want to marry. As long as parents raise their child(ren) under sound doctrine, then that child will make good choices in life. Looking at the divorce rate, it's safe to say that many people aren't making sound decisions in who they marry. If you've known someone since childhood, there's a big advantage of knowing them as a person because you two grew up together. That's where the arranged marriage concept comes from, growing up with someone of similar background & mindset.