You Are The Company You Keep

The less you associate with some people, the more your life will improve. Any time you tolerate mediocrity in others, it increases your mediocrity. An important attribute in successful people is their impatience with negative thinking and negative acting people. As you grow, your associates will change. Some of your friends will not want you to go on. They will want you to stay where they are. Friends that don't help you climb will want you to crawl. Your friends will stretch your vision or choke your dream. Those that don't increase you will eventually decrease you. Consider this: Never receive counsel from unproductive people. Never discuss your problems with someone incapable of contributing to the solution, because those who never succeed themselves are always first to tell you how. Not everyone has a right to speak into your life. You are certain to get the worst of the bargain when you exchange ideas with the wrong person. Don't follow anyone who's not going anywhere. With some people you spend an evening: with others you invest it. Be careful where you stop to inquire for directions along the road of life. Wise is the person who fortifies his life with the right friendships. If you run with wolves, you will learn how to howl. But, if you associate with eagles, you will learn how to soar to great heights. "A mirror reflects a man's face, but what he is really like is shown by the kind of friends he chooses." The simple but true fact of life is that you become like those with whom you closely associate - for the good and the bad. Note: Be not mistaken. This is applicable to family as well as friends. Yes...do love, appreciate and be thankful for your family, for they will always be your family no matter what. Just know that they are human first and though they are family to you, they may be a friend to someone else and will fit somewhere in the criteria above. "In Prosperity Our Friends Know Us. In Adversity We Know Our friends." "Never make someone a priority when you are only an option for them." "If you are going to achieve excellence in big things, you develop the habit in little matters. Excellence is not an exception, it is a prevailing attitude.

The key statement in all of this is "Wise is the person who fortifies his life with the right friendships." The keyword is RIGHT. Having the right people in your corner will yield dividends. Some people may not make the cut and that's ok. If you're trying to get somewhere in life, you will have to accept the fact that your circle will decrease and those who remain, are your teammates in this journey called life.

 



Strength IS NOT...

Nojma Reflects

49 minutes ago

Sisters, your strength isn't getting your hand and elbow in the perfect 90 degree angle as you place it on your hip, constrict your neck and roll your eyes as venom spews from your mouth. Your strength isn't assisting in the emasculation and castration of the Black Man. Your strength isn't in challenging him to an "I can do anything you can do but better contest". Your strength isn't in breaking down a man that society attempts to break down every day. You will never find peace if you constantly promote chaos.
We say a man can't handle a strong woman. The above is NOT strength. The above is being Willie Lynch's mouthpiece. Let me tell you what a strong woman REALLY is.
A strong woman is a GODLY woman. A strong woman understands the blueprint of our slave masters, but REFUSES to build HIS world, and concentrates on building GOD'S KINGDOM. A Strong Woman recognizes that wombs of many generations have built efficient slaves, and if both the physical and mental wombs placed us in this condition, then both the mental and physical wombs will free us from this condition.
A strong woman shows support, encouragement, she nurtures, consoles, revives, rebuilds, and she also repairs. Again if this society attempts to break the Black Man down then we have to put him back together again. A strong woman is studious , she is a master scientist in her kitchen, she nurses her family back to health, she is the dean in her home as she is the first teacher, she understands that as hard as it is for her, it is even harder for HIM. A strong woman knows the power of words, so she chooses them carefully. A strong woman doesn't absolve the Black Man of his duty, but cultivates the God within him so that he can effectively perform his duty. A strong woman doesn't turn the hearts of her children away from their father, she positions their hearts towards him.
#RealStrength101

 

My View: TAKE THAT, TAKE THAT, TAKE THAT! If I haven't said it before, I'll say it again: I enjoy Sister Nojma's writing because it's positive and she's not afraid to check women on their belligerent behavior. Every time a man calls a woman out for her nonsense, it's taken as an attack. Most men admire strong women, but a truly STRONG woman has her own voice, but is submissive to her man if he's leading honorably. Some women think challenging their man on everything is strength, but it's not. A man battles enough when he steps outside his home, and to come home to have to do battle with his woman is TOO MUCH. A man's home is his castle, the one place where he should have peace and if his woman isn't providing that for him, she can & will be replaced. Just like women will tolerate their man's foolishness for so long until she replaces him, the same applies to women. Usually, men won't think twice about replacing a woman that's not up to snuff.



Badges Of Dishonor

Nojma Reflects

February 5

Here are a couple of titles that we as Black Women need to stop wearing like they are a badge of honor.

1. Baby Mama- Too many of us not only proudly wear this title, but we also STRIVE to be one! This seems to be the new occupation on the scene. We don’t want to be wives, we want to be "baby mama’s" so we can have what we think will be security in the form of a child support check. We are training our daughters to be prostitutes when we teach them the "pay to play" mentality.

2. Miss Independent- I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T, Do you know what that means? At the end of the day, as much as you say you are "independent" and you can do it everything by yourself, at the very core of your essence you know you don’t want to. If you are proudly claiming independence, then save your " I don't have a man woes" because a synonym for Independence is alone, and that is exactly where you will end up; ALONE!

3. Jump off-a jump off is a sex partner; nothing more nothing less. Is this all we are worth Sisters, simply fulfilling a DESIRE? Being a pleasure receptacle? Do you know how much mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical wear and tear that places on us as women? If we feel that all we have to offer a man is sex, then don’t expect anything BUT sex in return. A man VIEWS you in the same manner in which you SEE yourself.

4-. Wifey- Sisters in order for a man to wife you, He has to MARRY you! Anything else is a glorified girlfriend. If you are already performing "wifely duties" what's his incentive to marry you? He has none!

5. Bitch and the Baddest one at that!-I have covered this word several times. A bitch is a dog. I mean that's it. And as a bitch your only option IS a dog. So you become a dog groomer. You wash a dog. You feed a dog. You train a dog, then you complain about "the dog in your house" but if you call yourself a Bitch, then you have INVITED this "dog" in your house and in your space, then complain when you get dogged out.

So starting today, let’s retire these badges of "dishonor" when choosing to describe ourselves. Let’s be what we REALLY are: beautiful Black Queens. You’ll get much more respect being a Queen than you ever will being any of the above.

 

My View: Once again, Sister Nojma hits a grand slam. If a man is getting wife benefits, he's not going to marry his woman. Why would he? She's giving him the milk for free. This goes for both men & women because if a couple is shacking up, but checking in with each other like husband & wife, giving each other marriage benefits, etc; there's really no reason for them to be married. They can continue doing what they do. Of all the terms that need to be retired, #5 should be at the top of the list. It's funny that some women will get upset at a man for referring to her as a b**** but when a rapper says, "Pop that p**** for me, b****, she races to the dance floor" Or, she replaces the B word with a list of positive characteristics (Beautiful Intelligent Talented Charming and Hell Of A Woman or other ridiculous traits to replace the real meaning of the word). On occasion, I'll post the following statement: You're not a bad b***h, you're doing bad, b***h! The above statements are nothing more than glorified negativity.



Unfaithful: Stories Of Betrayal

On OWN, there's a show that comes on at 10pm that chronicles unfaithful couples. Usually, it's the man who is doing the cheating. You have women who cheated on their husbands, but they're not as prevalent. I've gotten into Unfaithful: Stories Of Betrayal because I like to see what drives people to cheat. The common denominator is lack of affection. That's a copout because there's usually underlying motives than lack of affection. Just admit you're not happy and move on. The couples in the show must/should've known the signs so they wouldn't be caught off guard. Many times, the person will show their true colors. When they do, take heed. I won't lie, the women these men are cheating with were very shapely/attractive. This one woman Brianna was the total package: Brains, beauty and shape. Those are the kinds men need to watch because she's only interested in one thing. So the husband & other woman got to kissing & before you know it, clothes disappeared. I felt bad for the woman because she's thinking he's faithful the whole time. This show is indicative of real life because infidelity is a serious issue among couples. My thing is, why cheat? If you're not happy, leave. Don't waste her and your time. By ending the relationship on a clean slate, both people are free to find someone who fits them. Cheating is pointless because you're going to get caught. These men on the show are willing to throw away 10 yrs for some fresh cookie. Notice how the wife confronts him and he's looking stupid because he knows his goose is cooked. The happy ending is that many of those couples worked through it & are still together. I hope I never have to experience that because honestly, it would be a wrap. I have 0 tolerance for infidelity. If I've done right by her, she shouldn't have a reason to creep. Kudos to OWN for a great show! I watch faithfully.

Chicago's Murder Epidemic

Unless you've been living under a rock, everyone has heard about Chicago's murder crisis. Not a week goes by where you don't hear about dozens of mass shootings; 25 people shot, 50 people shot, etc. It never ends in the Chi. It's nothing new because Chicago has been violent since the 30's. I remember notorious gangsters like Al Capone, who was involved in a deadly gang war with his enemies. Chicago's violence is generational. Violence really took off when the projects were up: Cabrini Green being the notorious of all Chicago projects. Cabrini was located in a rich area of Chicago so that's why it got the most coverage. I think the reason why violence took off had something to do with tearing down the projects; when the projects were up, crime was concentrated. Whatever crime happened was confined to the projects & now they're gone, former residents from each project moved into South & West side neighborhoods and brought those tensions with them. Anytime you have rival neighborhoods coming together, there's bound to be trouble. I think about Chicago's situation and I need to pray for them. They are going through it. What can be done to clean up Chicago? First, city officials can enact strategies that helped New York slash it's violent crime by over 70 percent post crack-era. Former New York mayor Rudy Giuliani adopted a no-nonsense approach to crime; clamp down on small crimes before they fester into major ones. Second (and I hate to say this), gentrification. Of every former ghetto that's been fixed up, crime has dropped considerably because the criminal element has been pushed out along with the poor. Rich buyers & developers move into the inner-city and buy up distressed areas and flip for profit. Lastly, the problems start at home. Kids follow their parents example & if they see their parents involved in thuggery, that's what they'll be drawn to based on their parents negative influence. Most importantly, kids need positive alternatives to the streets because if the gangsters are giving them love & support, that's where they go to. Murders peaked at 970 one year in the 70's. Then over a 3 year period in the early 90's, murders were 943, 931 & 928. At this rate, Chicago might go back to the 900+ murder days of the 90's if city officials & residents don't clamp down on the violence. Look at what New York has done, maybe Chicago needs to incorporate some of the strategies that helped NY become the safest big city in the country.

If You Play, You Pay

 

In every game, there's established rules of how the game is played. You have two or more players and as with all games, someone is bound to lose. How can you play the game and catch feelings when you lose? That's stupid.

Nojma Reflects

I remember a conversation I had with a coworker years ago. She was interested in a brother, and after maybe three weeks of knowing him, she didn't understand why he didn't want to sleep with her. He told her that he wanted to get to know her mind. She took that as rejection and decided that she was going to deliberately seduce him, so she did and they had sex. Afterwards, she was feeling proud of herself, and the next day her calls went unanswered. She didn't understand why. The Brother texted her and told her to stop calling him, he told her, she should be happy because SHE got what SHE wanted, but it was to bad that she couldn't be who HE wanted her to be.
So then she started dogging the brother out,and I said well he's correct. You wanted to sleep with him, so he slept with you. He told you that he wanted to probe your mind, but you feel that your value was in him probing your body. You offered yourself to him and you can't be upset that he took you up on YOUR offer.
I said the real issue is why do you see it as rejection if a man tells you that he isn't rushing to sleep with you, because he wants to get to know you better? That's the real question.
Sisters, it makes no sense to think that your womb is a way to a man's heart. Look at the human body. The heart is located ABOVE the waist, so how can you secure his heart by going PAST it?
Sisters your back is NOT the foundation upon which your relationship should be built on!

 

My View: She laid down with him and has the nerve to get upset because he didn't call her back? What you expect? He got what he wanted out of her and he's probably long gone. No reason for him to stay because he already got his. She tried to play the game and got caught up like Usher; she has the nerve to feel slighted? Some people need to learn that when you play, you pay.



Jason Castro-Only A Mountain Lyrics

 

Unless you have been living under a rock, you know this song is blowing up airwaves. I love this song because it puts life in perspective. Yes, you will have mountains but they're just that, MOUNTAINS. Just this moment, I played this song 5x because it's that good. Just a little bit of faith can change it all, yes. It's having faith that when you ask God for help in time of need, He will move that mountain. Whatever you ask, you shall receive, it says in the Bible. So if I ask God to help me with this mountain of trouble I am facing, I can have faith that God will help me and that those mountains will fall in Jesus' name. Tell them to fall, it'll fall. I will make it a point to play this song whenever I feel down.