For Better Or Worse

A woman is raped by two men and gets pregnant by one of the rapists, she views the child as a blessing from God but her husband feels otherwise. His first thought is to get revenge on the scumbags for violating his woman in that manner. She's wanted a child for a while but couldn't have one because her husband couldn't produce sperm. Does the wife have an abortion or carry the child to term? Keep in mind the couple doesn't believe in abortion. The husband is more upset at the fact he couldn't protect his woman than the pregnancy. He feels as though he shouldn't be made to take care of a child not biologically his but the wife has wanted a child forever and now they have one, he wants her to have an abortion because the child came into the world under horrible circumstances. This would not be an easy decision for me so me and my woman would have a long discussion about this because we need to be prepared for the worst. Should she want to keep the baby even though it came under terrible circumstances, it would take everything in me to support her decision even though I would have every reason to feel otherwise. Keep in mind, she was there for him when he couldn't produce sperm for a child and in a way, she's asking him to do the same for her. I hope I never have to go through this ordeal but if so, my belief system would be tested. Normally I don't go for abortion but in rape cases, I can understand why women get them because why bear a child under hellish circumstances? That's not right. Then again an abortion would be just as foul as rape itself so canceling a sin with another is moot. This is one of those situations where For Better Or Worse would be tested. Everyone has their own belief system but there comes a time where beliefs are tested. Do you stand on your belief(s) even under intense pressure or stand your ground in secret but not in public? Unfortunately, many people stand up for their beliefs in private but not in public. The greatest leaders in history have stood their ground regardless of unpopularity or approval. They didn't let popular opinion sway them and to me, that makes a great person. Conceiving a child from rape would be one of those "What the devil meant for evil, God meant for good" stories. Rape is a horrible ordeal and I would hate for any woman to be faced with the decision of aborting a rapist's child or raising the child as their own.

You're A Great Catch, Oh Really?

In relationships, people put their best foot forward in hopes of attracting Mr(s) Right. No one wants to paint themselves in a bad light so many people play up to their strengths in hopes of hooking their desired mate. Whenever I hear men & women talk about being a good catch, in my mind I'm thinking they're full of it because if you're a good catch, you don't broadcast it because you're too busy showing better than telling. I don't bother telling people I'm this or that because I prefer to show better than tell. Most people have gotten so used to tooting their own horn they actually believe the lies that come out of their mouth. People learn enough about you by your actions. If you say you're a Christian but you rip & run the streets with no impunity, then have the nerve to be in church Sunday morning praising God, that's flaw. A woman can have 5 children by 5 different men and think of herself as a good catch. Miss, YOU HAVE 5 CHILDREN BY 5 DIFFERENT MEN; how does that make you a good catch? It doesn't. No man wants someone's leftovers. Most men keep it real with themselves. It seems to me women paint themselves as something they're not; not cool. If a man or woman says they're a good catch and they match it in their conduct & character, I take their word because they don't say they're a good catch, they live it. Actions will always speak louder than words. Whenever a man or woman says they're a great catch, be careful because 9 times out of 10, they're lying. They're saying that to absolve themselves of having to back up what they say. Don't just say you're a great catch, SHOW how you're a good catch. Otherwise, you're just saying that to hear yourself talk and many people will be able to see right through you. I'm a little annoyed when people say they're great catches when they have nothing to bring to the table. If I meet a woman and she tells me what a great catch she is, I will ask her HOW is she a great catch, and how she answers that question will determine how far the relationship goes because I don't want someone that says they're a good catch but has nothing to show for it. I expect the same in return from her; it goes both ways.

Black Men & Women's Plight

Who has it harder, black men or women? Ask this question of any black person and you'll get varied answers. Some will say black women have it harder and others will say black men have it harder. I think BOTH have it hard in this country because during slavery times, black men were sold into slavery while black women were forced to watch their men being hauled off to perform backbreaking labor with little to no rest. Watching your loved ones being sold into slavery eats at you just as much, if not more than you going into slavery because you hate to see your loved ones suffer. I hope I never have to go through the experience of watching a loved one go into slavery because I don't think I could take it. I wouldn't be sad, but I would be upset. While the men were in slavery, black women were holding the household down by cooking & cleaning, plus taking care of the children. They get my respect for that. When I hear this question, I think it's a battle of the sexes to see who has it worse. It does seem like black men have it worse because many of them come out of the womb with the odds stacked: Expected to be dead or in jail before 18, highest severe disability rate, chronic unemployment, least likely to go to college (even though recent trends do show the gap is closing between black men who end up in jail as opposed to going to college), black on black murder, etc. It's really painful. Black Men and Women are fighting some sort of battle so they need to start working together on the issues.This response was posted by a FB friend: "A huge part of reparing the damage is black men ACKNOWLEDGING the struggles that many of their women are facing. It can't just be "oh, pity the black man" 24/7. It's far too lop-sided IMO. For example, anytime a high-profile case involving a black male is going on (like Trayvon Martin) BOTH sexes jump to the man's rescue in OUTRAGE. However, if the media is coming down unfairly on a black woman, most of the outrage is seen from FELLOW black women...with support and back-up from black men rarely found. Now what's up with THAT?? I'm in no way denying that many black men face horrible things, but it isn't right how many of them overlook the pain of their fellow women. When the media unfairly comes down on a black woman, most of the outrage is from fellow black women with support from black men rarely, if ever found." I do admit it's not right that many black men ignore black women's pain instead of trying to protect them from these things. Many black men feel since black women are so strong/tough, they don't need their men's help. Let them deal with it. Considering many black women have been forced to be strong, I can see where many black men are reluctant to help. Best believe if it was his sister, mother or niece, these same black men would be on the front lines fighting for this, that and the third but since it's some random black woman on the street, many black men turn a blind eye to her struggle. I feel for the challenges many black women face because a black woman is like my tag-team partner, she struggles, I struggle with her. That goes double if she was a loved one.

Message Without The Mess

When I read about successful people who have accomplished all they set out to do, most successful people have one thing in common: They had to grind to get where they're at because very few people had a good start in life. Almost all successful people had many challenges on their way to prosperity, but they didn't let their obstacles stop them. Successful people turn obstacles into opportunities because they have a vision of where they want to be in life and nothing will stop them. That reminds me, why do people want a message without a mess? I've never understood that rationale. It's like people want to bypass the struggle in order to get the breakthrough and it doesn't work like that most of the time. Most times, the road to success is paved with obstacles. At the same time, I do realize you can learn from others' mistakes because why make the same errors as someone else? Let their screw-ups help you by showing you what not to do. I just find it annoying when people want a shortcut to prosperity. Has society become lazy that we want shortcuts to EVERYTHING? Seems like it to me because there are shortcuts for everything in society. No one wants the grind but they want the shine. Everybody wants a testimony without the test & in the same light, people want messages without the message. One cannot be had without the other. Unless I knew without hesitation that the shorter way would be more efficient, then I'd take the longer way. I wouldn't appreciate a blessing if I had it handed to me. I respect my blessing(s) when I have to work for it. People need to understand that nothing in life is free, you have to work for everything you get. If you want a message, you have to have a mess. How can you be a testimony to someone and you haven't gone through nothing? That Part.

Some Things I Will Never Understand

Why are some children born with disabilities and others are born healthy? That doesn't make sense because every child is entitled to a healthy life free of disabilities. It breaks my heart because there are people that have multiple disabilities. They must've been cursed with bad genetics to have multiple disabilities. That's why I say genetics can be a blessing & a curse because if a couple decides to have a child, they need to find out their family's health history; are there disabilities or other health conditions that are hereditary and if so, there needs to be a reluctancy on the part of one or both parents because raising a special needs child is tough. You have to have great patience and strength to love that child through the ups & downs. Life is hard enough but having a disability is 10x harder because disabled students are bullied disproportionately in schools, society is ignorant to the challenges disabled people face, employer discrimination, etc. I have no problem with a couple wanting children but if one or both people have a disability then it's risky bringing a child into this world because you don't want your child(ren) inheriting your condition. I'm very much aware of God's power because even though a disability may be hereditary, God can still flip the script to where that disability WON'T touch your child. Keep your child covered under God's blood and be thankful you are blessed with healthy children because there are couples out there that aren't so fortunate. Seeing these people take simple things for granted makes me mad because if they knew how less fortunate some people are, they would tighten up and appreciate what they have. I just think adoption would be a better choice for couples where one or both are disabled because at least with adoption, you can choose what kind of child you want: newborn, toddler, preteen or teen. Even with adoption, you still need to do your homework and find out any health conditions that exist and then decide if you are up to the challenge of raising a child with special needs. It's not easy by any means and those who say it is, are lying. I also know there are disabled people that live full lives regardless of their handicap. I salute those kind of people because they didn't let their disability stop them from doing big things in life. They tend to appreciate their breakthrough more because of what they had to go through to get where they are. I feel if you have a good start in life, you can't understand what others face because you haven't been where they are. At the same time, if you have a good start in life then you have reason to be thankful because you are better off than some people.

Relationship Entitlement

When two people come together, it's a given they have expectations for each other. The man has guidelines for his woman and the woman for her man. A relationship won't last unless there's clear guidelines about what will & won't work. My issue is when people throw out the statement "What you won't do, someone else will" because I think of a spoiled brat that threatens to leave if (s)he doesn't get their way. In a relationship, if someone does for you it's because they WANT to, not because they HAVE to; let's make that clear. While men & women are guilty of this statement, it's usually women who say this from an entitlement standpoint. I can understand being entitled to love & respect, faithfulness and honesty because those should be expected from a prospective partner. To say "what you won't do for me, someone else will" from an entitlement standpoint like someone has to do this, that and the third for you while you bring nothing to the table is grounds for dismissal, at least for me. Nobody is obligated to go hard for you. If they do, it's because they care enough for you to give you the best of them. The only time that statement should apply is if you have non-negotiable basic requirements. I've noticed that people who throw out the "what you won't do for me, someone else will" statement are those who want to take without giving. Those kind of women are invisible because why give your best to someone you may not be feeling? That doesn't make sense to me because if I care for someone, it's easier for me to go hard for them because I want to see them happy. That's a red flag that someone's a user because if they expect you to give your all to them and they're not reciprocating, you shouldn't waste another nanosecond on them because they showed you what they're about offtop. It's almost as ridiculous as people who say "I'm not settling for chicken dinner when I deserve prime rib". Again, people who say that typically won't bring anything to the table and are invisible. I, and other likeminded people will not allow ourselves to be used. I can understand being entitled to whatever you desire IF you are bringing something to the table, but to dictate that a man should cater to a woman is nonsense. When you're in a relationship with someone, they should give you what you NEED, not WANT. Anything extra they give you is out of the goodness of their heart, not obligation. The sooner people learn this, the better.

Leaf, Branch Or Root?

Tyler Perry periodically sends me inspirational e-mails so I will post a few here & there, this was too good NOT to share: WHAT KIND OF PERSON ARE YOU?


I said this in a play once as Madea... LOL. But I thought I'd revisit it as Tyler for those of you who may not have heard it :-)


I have this tree analogy when I think of people in my life, be it friends, family, acquaintances, employees, co-workers, whomever...They are all placed inside what I call my tree test. It goes like this:


LEAF PEOPLE
Some people come into your life and they are like leaves on a tree. They are only there for a season. You can't depend on them or count on them because they are weak and only there to give you shade. Like leaves, they are there to take what they need and as soon as it gets cold or a wind blows in your life they are gone. You can't be angry at them, it's just who they are.



BRANCH PEOPLE
There are some people who come into your life and they are like branches on a tree. They are stronger than leaves, but you have to be careful with them. They will stick around through most seasons, but if you go through a storm or two in your life it's possible that you could lose them. Most times they break away when it's tough. Although they are stronger than leaves, you have to test them out before you run out there and put all your weight on them. In most cases they can't handle too much weight. But again, you can't be mad with them, it's just who they are.



ROOT PEOPLE
If you can find some people in your life who are like the roots of a tree then you have found something special. Like the roots of a tree, they are hard to find because they are not trying to be seen. Their only job is to hold you up and help you live a strong and healthy life. If you thrive, they are happy. They stay low key and don't let the world know that they are there. And if you go through an awful storm they will hold you up. Their job is to hold you up, come what may, and to nourish you, feed you and water you.



Just as a tree has many limbs and many leaves, there are few roots. Look at your own life. How many leaves, branches and roots do you have? What are you in other people's lives?

Paraphrase: Reading this has helped me better understand what role people play in my life. Some people are meant for a season and some are meant for a lifetime. It's important to figure out which people fall into what category and treat them accordingly. If someone walks out of your life through no fault of your own, don't be upset because they fulfilled their purpose for that time. Not all relationships are meant to be close. It's the root people you want to keep on your team because they have been & will continue being there for you through it all. Branch people can only tolerate so much until they break. When that happens, you make a decision whether you want to help them develop into roots or cut ties with them. The choice is yours. I would rather have roots on my team than leafs or branches but again, reading this letter has helped me understand why some relationships last and others don't.