Giving Your Best To The Wrong Person

Marvin's Motivational Moment: "Relationship Fact" Your best efforts will never be enough when your best efforts are being wasted on the wrong person. This was shared with me by a Facebook friend and it's in line with what I feel about relationships: Both men & women should take their time getting to know one another. In getting to know one another, you find out critical components of their personality such as their life outlook, ambition, spirituality, etc. If any of those are out of whack, proceed with caution. The reason why many people get their hearts broken is because they give their best to the wrong person. Why would you give your best to an unworthy person? That's crazy. If you're the person you want to attract then it would behoove you to be selective. Being selective ensures you attract the perfect person for YOU; that doesn't mean (s)he doesn't have faults, it simply means the person you picked up is suited to YOU. Your best efforts will be enough when they are used on the right person and when they are used on Mr(s) Right, that makes for a beautiful union. I don't know about anyone else but for me, I'm not giving my best to the wrong person. The reason I made that statement is because if I'm the person I want to attract or I'm working on becoming who I want to attract, why would I get involved with Ms. Wrong? That's silly. A woman isn't a project for me; I don't have time to fix her up to my specifications. If she's not on point for me and I for her, there's no need for us to be together. If more people used Marvin Sapp's relationship fact as a screening tool, everyone could find a compatible mate and there wouldn't be a need for failed relationships before he/she FINALLY gets it. When you give your best to the wrong person, you're destined for heartbreak, but when you give your best to the right person, your relationship will soar into the heavens. Not everybody is worthy of your best. Your best should be reserved for those who will reciprocate.

Standing Up For Righteousness

Unless you've been living under a rock, everyone has heard of the flak Chick-Fil-A COO/President has gotten for standing up for his belief. I applaud Dan Cathy for being one of the few Christian leaders that stood up for his belief. God's people are commanded to stand for righteousness and Mr. Cathy did just that. The comments that got him in hot water were as follows: "I think we are inviting God's judgment by telling God we know better than him what marriage should be about. We have such a prideful/arrogant view of marriage that gay marriage is simply a slap in the face of what God intended." Ok...I don't see the fuss in that comment because it was right on; God set marriage to be one man & woman and gay marriage is in violation of that. I'm not hating on gays & lesbians. They are people just like you and I but as a Christian, I can't & won't support gay marriage. Honestly, more Christian leaders need to grow balls and stand up for their beliefs but noooooo, they are shook by opposition so they keep quiet while foolishness reigns supreme. The Bible says wickedness prevails when the righteous do nothing. On a side note, I like Chick-Fil-A and eat there twice a year. I didn't read one hateful statement from Mr. Cathy, he was simply stating his belief that God designed marriage to be between one man & woman. It's funny how you're accepted when your views line up with the majority but when you speak out, you lose fame & fortune. I'd rather lose fame & fortune than co-sign foolishness. I have to sleep at night & I'd rather sleep good knowing I stood for right than co-sign foolishness just to be "in the clique" Not many people have Dan Cathy's backbone. They would stand for their beliefs in private but cower under pressure in public. Chick-Fil-A is a Christian-owned restaurant that has a 65-year history. They are open Monday-Saturday and closed Sundays so they can allow their employees to worship. It's crazy how God's people are called hatemongerers, homophobic, etc. when they stand for righteousness. I respect those who stand behind their beliefs in private & public, regardless of opposition. It takes guts to stand behind your beliefs in the face of brutal opposition. The irony of this controversy is that gays can push their agenda but when Dan Cathy and other likeminded people push theirs, those who stand for morality are called intolerant, hateful, bigoted, etc. Do you see the hypocrisy in this? If gays can push their agenda (even though many won't agree), then Christians should have the same right (which they do) and not be ridiculed for standing up for what's right.



Men Retreating From Their Lady

Every man wants their woman to hold him down in the rough times, right? Right. Who wouldn't want a man/woman that has their back when the going gets tough? The following question was posed to me by a friend: Why do men withdraw from women they are closest to when they're going through things, but find time to get on facebook? Is it because they are ashamed? My response was as follows: It can be due to shame but it has more to do with pride. Most men don't want to seem weak in front of their woman so they feel they have to be strong 24-7. If a man has to withdraw from his woman in order to get his mind right, that's what he will do. Many men don't want to burden their woman with his problems so that's why most men deal with their issue(s) on their own. When life gets rough (and it will), every man wants a lady that has his back. It takes a lot for a man to open up and when a man feels good about his woman to open up to her, she IS NOT to undermine him in any way because that could damage the relationship. Most women want a strong man (rightfully so) but the strongest men break down from time to time; it doesn't make him less of a man, it means he's human. Men deal with issues differently than women. If women have an issue, they usually talk it out with each other because women are used to dealing with their emotions. With men, it's the opposite. Depending on the man, he will deal with the issue(s) straight up and keep moving. You have some men that deal with problems by going away to clear their heads and that's fine; different strokes for different folks. If I'm in a relationship with my lady and I had a lot on my mind, my first instinct would be to bring it to God and then my woman, if I choose to. Once I get alone, I'm able to resolve most, if not all my problems because the solitude helps me sort things out. I feel it's at least common courtesy to say I need some alone time but dont just single one person out ESP when they are probably one of the few people that genuinely care about you. Everyone needs to be MIA at times in order to get their mind right. Not all the time do we need others to get us through. If a man doesn't feel comfortable telling his woman what's on his mind, that's a sign he needs to get rid of her.

Men Vs. Women: Submission To God

When it comes to hearing from God, women blow men out of the water. I'm being honest. That's not to say that men don't hear from God because they do..it's just that women are more in tune with God because in many families, women are the prayer warriors. They are the ones seeking God on behalf of their family. As much as I appreciate all the prayer warrior women, men need to step their game up. After all, the man is supposed to be the spiritual leader and a spiritual leader takes on the responsibility for those under him. If a man is the head like God ordained, HE'S the one that should be the prayer warrior for his family, not his wife. Another thing I've noticed is that women are more likely to surrender to God because they know he knows what's best. Men will fight tooth & nail with God until they get to a point where they allow God to do his thing. Until now, I've never understood why men have a harder time surrendering to God. Is it ego/pride? Yes, among other things. When a man surrenders to God, he acknowledges he doesn't have all the answers. That is the hardest thing for a man to do is admit he doesn't know everything. Men want to feel like they have the answers for every issue that comes up and if they don't, they feel inadequate. Women don't have this issue because they are secure in themselves to know they can count on God for things they don't understand. Men need to realize that God knows all, and they can come to him for answers to life's many challenges. The revelation a man gets from God, he can pass down to his family. If anything, a man's wife will have a deeper appreciation for him because he took time to seek God for wisdom on how to be the man for his family that God called him to be. Much of what God does falls on the man. Women may surrender first but when a man surrenders to God, amazing things happen! A God-fearing man is a force to be reckoned with.

When All Else Fails, Stand & Keep Walking

Everyone has been at this point in life. They have done all they can to improve their situation and it seems nothing is working. They pray & pray and it's like things are getting worse before they get better. It shouldn't be like that but because we live in a fallen world, that's how life rocks at times. I don't know about you, but I've been here many times in my life where I've done all I can do and then some so I get to a point where I need to just STAND. In standing, that's when God shows up & shows out. It has taken me a while to get to this point but now that I'm here, I have to dig in the trenches and do whatever it takes to make it. It gets tempting to quit but I'm too stubborn for that. I refuse to look back with regrets because I gave up at the finish line. It's when you get closer to the finish line that you get an extra push. It's the extra boost that can mean the difference between success & failure. No one wants to be a failure, do they? I should hope not. There's something about keeping it moving when you have every reason to quit. You want to give up but somehow you find the strength to keep going because when you make it, the blood, sweat & tears was worth it. Resilience doesn't come overnight, you have to develop that aspect of your personality. I feel bad for people who were at the brink of success but quit because of the constant disappointment; they almost reached their goals but decided to quit right at the finish line. I couldn't live like that because you get one life so it's important to make the most of it. If making the most of your life means you have to fight to get where you want & need to be, so be it. The victory will be worth it in the end. Nothing worthwhile in life comes easy, you have to fight for it. When you've done all you can, JUST STAND! Everything will be alright.

Never Let Someone Define You, Write Your Novel

I can't understand why anyone would let someone define them, that's flaw to me. If God wanted someone else to define us, he would've done so but because he made us different, being the same as everyone is not the move. One thing about me is that I've never been defined by other people, nor will I allow that to happen. I embrace myself to the fullest, good & bad while trying to turn the bad into good. When you march to the beat of your own drum, no one can take that away from you. Marching to the beat of your drum allows you to call YOUR shots; you determine how far you go in life. When you are defined by someone, they have their agenda and will force it on you. They probably don't mean to but when you have no individuality, that's what happens: You allow someone to define you. People change like clothes so one minute they think the world of you, and the next they can't stand you. This is why I don't take stock in what people say about me (good or bad) because people are fickle. My self-esteem is high enough so I don't have room for someone's definition of me. I appreciate everyone who thinks highly of me but as stated before, I don't let anyone define me except GOD. There's nothing like you defining yourself (with the proper exception of Jesus) because when you know who you are, people can speak ill of you and it won't phase you because you already know what to expect. People who let someone else define them have no backbone; they are people-pleasers because they're focused on others' approval they lose their sense of self. They may finally reach a point where they are tired of letting someone define them so they decide to step out. It's unsettling to Person A because they are so used to calling the shots that when Person B wakes up, all Person A has to do is pull our their Ace card and depending on how strong Person B is, the person may or may not allow themselves to be pulled back into being defined by someone else. No one can write your novel like you, so don't give someone that power.

Change The Inside Before The Outside

I shake my head at people who think they can find happiness by changing the exteriors of their situation (bank account, job, education, etc.). These same folks need to realize that you can't change the outside unless you fix the inside. Simply put, fix the interiors before you work on the exterior. This seems to be prevalent in relationships because you have men & women that aren't satisfied with their appearance so they go to great lengths to change the exterior thinking that will give them the happiness they desire. It goes deeper than that because they look good on the outside but they feel like crap internally. What they don't get is that they need to work on the 'insides' first (Self-worth/confidence/esteem, sense of direction, etc) or they'll get what they've always gotten. If you feel good internally, you'll feel good externally. The two aren't mutually exclusive but some people think you have to change the outside in order to be happy on the inside. It's like someone who underwent a dramatic weight loss. They look & feel better but many of them will never forget the gross disrespect they endured based on their size. You have to unload previous baggage so you won't bring that into new relationships because nobody wants to deal with someone with a negative disposition. I know I don't. It wouldn't be fitting for someone that has their stuff together to be a person's doctor. Very few people have the patience to heal someone's hurt. You don't have to be in a relationship to understand this concept. Changing The Inside Before You Change The Outside can apply to interpersonal relationships as well. Body language can tell more about a person than words ever will.