Question From A Friend: What Would You Do?

I was on a Facebook friend's page, and she posted the following letter. Warning: It's long, so don't bother reading if you have a short attention span.

Question from a Friend - What would YOU do?

Dear Nikki,

My husband has lost his mind. When we met I was a management consultant at a reputable firm. When we got married I stopped taking travel assignments and I resigned to stay home with our kids. It's been 7 years & last year I started taking a few small work from home gigs with the firm. My colleague is now a partner and the firm just won a HUGE bid that I was instrumental in preparing & my colleague wants to bring me back in as a Lead Account Manager. It would require I spend the 1st 3-4 months in Denmark & Singapore though. But it's a setup for me to be promoted to a Sr. Partner.

The salary is more than triple what my husband makes. We have 3 kids and we are provided for, but this would be another level.

I have an MBA in Finance & Administration - I am one of the BEST and my husband doesn't want me to work. I literally KILLED my career and I believe that GOD is resurrected it. My husband who is now a minister believes this is out of order.

Our pastor & spiritual father says that I need to wait another year. I told him we been trusting God for increase and it's knocking on the door. They said I am in rebellion & under attack and I say they have no idea what they are talking about. Now he is telling me I don't believe the prophet and I feel like the whole conversation is stupid. We have no college funds, we are not debt free, & my signing bonus ALONE would solve several issues - let alone the bonus.

My husband says I should like being a stay at home mom. I am BORED and unstimulated and I feel like I am wasting the investment in my education not to mention disrespecting the financial blessing this is to us and our kids and even family members.

All of this headship and submission and wait until he approves but in the meanwhile we have no college funds. I am seriously thinking of taking the job - I have 10 days and I can't see myself turning it down. I get physically sick to the stomach at the thought of saying no to this. My friend says I would be uncovered, but I don't feel covered I feel controlled.

Everyone around me knows the Word but they have no clue about business on this level. The firm is passing up people who have been on position to get me off the bench. This could change our lives for the better & they talking about the Devil. I think no vacation and no college fund is of the Devil. I need some insights. I have 10 days to accept & I wouldn't leave until July.

My Response: Anyway you look at this, she's in a bind. If she takes the job, she's going against her husband's wishes. If she rejects the offer, she resents her husband later on down the line. When God presents opportunity, you BETTER take it because there's no guarantee the same opportunity will come around. She accepts this job, and it's a huge step to Partner. If I'm the wife, I'd discuss the pros and cons with my husband, and if the pros outweigh the cons, I'd take the position even if he may not agree. She has a good education, so she better use it. Her taking this job could benefit the entire family: Kids will have a college fund, debt freedom, etc. Let me explain something: The husband's job is to support his wife, even if it means she may make more money than him. If a wife is presented with a golden opportunity that could benefit the entire family, the husband should stand with his wife, just like he would want her to stand with him. To be honest, it comes down to insecurity because let's be real: How many men would be ok with their wives making more? *Crickets* I'll Wait. Some women are blessed to have supportive husbands, but I can't co-sign the minister on this. He says she's out of order, I say he's shook because his income isn't where he wants it to be, and he's looking at it like "If she takes the job, she's gonna make triple my salary, so I need to shut this down quickly". This is a time where the husband needs to get behind his wife and encourage her to take the job. She's supported his ministry, so why can't he support her offer? Should she reject, she's going to kick herself for letting her husband talk her out of a golden opportunity to put the family in a good place. I know how women think, and she's going to resent her husband for not being supportive of her accepting this job. I'm leaning towards this being a control issue because he knows that should their marriage fall apart, she'll be straight on her own, so that's why he doesn't want her to take the job: He's scared that if she ever decides to leave, she won't be dependent on him for her survival.
I think she should take the job, and the husband is going to have to get over it. Besides, wouldn't he want her support if the same offer was extended to him? You better believe it. Also, some women aren't cut out to be housewives, and that's ok. She did say she feels as though her education is going to waste, and I have to agree with her. What good is an education if you aren't going to use it?