R.I.P. To Good Music

Good music has died. Yes, I said it; music has died a horrible death because it seems like everybody and their mama is putting out garbage. Artists don't care nothing about the quality of music, they're about the almighty dollar. I understand artists have to make money (which is fine) but at least put out halfway decent music. Nobody wants to hear the same formula: Cars, clothes & strip clubs. Too many artists sound like the next guy so one can safely assume that each artist is a cookie cutter of the next. It's no originality in music anymore and that's why other than Jennifer Hudson and Jill Scott, I don't listen to too many contemporary artists. I'm old-school soul & R&B all the way. Bobby Womack, Al Green, Four Tops, Curtis Mayfield and many others put it down back in the day. They were TRUE musicians because they sang from the depths of their soul. There were no autotunes, voiceovers and protune synthesizers like today's music. Today, all you need is a catchy hook & great beat and you can easily go 2x platinum with the right promotion. Back in the day, you had to rely on talent to become successful. Even if an old-school artist didn't write their song, they sure sung like they did! Old-school artists wrote and produced their own music because they had THEIR vision for what the album was going to be like. Today's artists have ghostwriters and producers who dictate their album for them. The artist has very little input on the album because record execs have to make money. They are financially backing the artist so I guess they can dictate the kind of material an artist puts out. I can drop a nonsense album & it would go 5x platinum & more because I would have great beats & hooks even though I have elementary lyrics. Old-school soul & R&B artists have much more talent than many artists today. Today's music has become watered down to where I don't listen to any contemporary music, even if it may be good. I've always been into the old-school greats, it's just recently I've started getting back into old-school music because you get tired of watered-down mainstream music that you want to hear quality music. You can tell an artist is passionate about his craft when he hits those high notes just right, has a soulful, raspy kind of voice (K-Ci is a good example). They just don't make good music like the old-school kind anymore.

Keeping It Real: When You Do What I Want, When I Want & How I Want

Everybody, and I mean EVERYBODY likes to parade themselves as being so real. Keeping it real has become so cliche in society that you can almost guarantee that the person who is supposedly keeping it real has skeletons showing otherwise. Look, if you are real like you claim then you don't have to broadcast it. It would show in your conduct, character and you wouldn't have to prove to anyone how real you are. Actions will always trump cliches every time. I'm tired of people saying how real they are, yet turn out to be fake. It's pretty easy to spot the true REAL people and those who are faking it until they make it. If you have to broadcast how real you are, 9 times out of 10 you're not. Being real is acting the same whether eyes are on you or not. Being real is practicing what you preach and lastly, being real is NOT catching feelings when someone doesn't do what you want. It's funny that if you do what people ask of you, you're considered real in their eyes but if you start saying no, they get upset and run you down. So I'm flaw because I won't do as you asked? That's your problem & not mine. If my realness is questioned because I won't move like you want on your timeframe then I guess I'm not real. Let me tell you something about being real. Real is being down for someone through sickness & health and for better or worse. Keeping It Real is not folding under pressure when odds are stacked against you and last but not least, keeping it real DOES NOT entail stipulations that if you don't do this, that and the third for me then you're fake. THAT is what keeping it real is all about. If it's one phrase that needs to be retired is Keeping It Real. Yes, do away with that phrase altogether because it's been abused beyond recognition. Who's really REAL in society? What I mean by that is who is truly real that doesn't feel the need to broadcast their realness to the world? I'll tell you....NOBODY.

Memorial Day

Let me take this time out to say thanks to all military men & women who have served, are serving and our fallen soldiers. You guys have much respect from me because of the highest sacrifice you have made in fighting for our country. You are the real stars in my view. The original intent of Memorial Day was to honor our fallen soldiers and military men & women who have served or are serving in the Marines, Navy, Army, Air Force & Coast Guard. I salute you. Memorial Day has been desecrated into nothing more than an excuse for people to have cookouts (BBQ) and have a day off from work. Since when did cookouts become a staple for Memorial Day? To my knowledge, cookouts were never a staple in Memorial Day history. At most, people packed a picnic and paid homage to fallen heroes. Now, Memorial Day is nothing more than a 3-day weekend of cookouts and a day off from work. Most people don't bother remembering the sacrifices our military men and women have made, let alone those of our fallen soldiers. I'm one of the few people that honors Memorial Day like it was intended; to pay homage to those in uniform. You can have cookouts any time of the year but Memorial Day should be the one day where you honor those who have went before you. I have family on both parents side that have served/are serving in the military and I thank them every chance I get for their sacrifice. I'll remember touring a military base in Norfolk, VA for the rest of my life because until then, I've never seen a live military base. I got to meet several personnel, see a barrack that my uncle and aunt stayed in when they were serving and I saw a lot of combat planes and ships that are used in battle. People have forgotten about the significance of Memorial Day and that's sad. Most don't care or bother to learn but yet you can throw hotdogs and burgers on the grill for Memorial Day. This article explains how Memorial Day SHOULD be commemorated:
http://baltimore.about.com/b/2010/05/31/the-true-meaning-of-memorial-day.htm

Showing The Goodies For Christ?

I got a good laugh off this picture this morning. I got the idea for this blog topic from my dude Jerome Bolden who shared this on his facebook page. How can a woman expect a man to wife her if she's showing her goods for the world to see? As I was reading the comments, another person pointed out that she shows her goods in order to bring men to Christ. I've seen a lot of crazy comments on FB but that one took the cake. Really? Getting naked for Facebook and want to get wifed up? That's not going to happen because the first thing people are going to think is you're a stripper. If you want to lead people to Christ, that's not the way. You have to show genuine concern for others well-being and exemplify Christ in your daily conduct; doesn't mean you won't miss the mark (you will) but you should have consistent progress. I don't know what's worse..her comment or she ACTUALLY believed what she said. The truth of the matter is that no real man is going to respond to a woman getting naked for the Lord unless he has ulterior motives. At best, she will attract pervert attention and someone with bad intentions may try to do harm to her. The whole time she's showing her goodies, she's demanding respect but...how can a woman expect a man to respect her if she doesn't respect herself? That's like asking a thief to stop stealing but you make it so easy for him/her. If a woman wants respect from the opposite sex, she has to conduct herself in a worthy manner because a REAL man wants a respectful woman that he can take home to meet his parents, someone he wants to build a life with and someone that will have his back through thick & thin. I want to say the woman that shows her goodies for Christ was joking but honestly, she may be dead serious. If that's the case, then God help us all. The last thing a man is thinking about is Jesus when he sees female flesh, come on somebody.

Original Gangsters

Original Gangster is an elder gangster, someone who has made his mark in the streets mostly through criminality. This title usually describes someone who has lived the thug life since their teens or tweens. Many inner-city kids are raised by single moms that are already struggling to work full-time & go to school so they can better themselves and their child(ren). The only role models they see are the original gangsters. An original gangster is the highest ranking in the street/gang life. He's committed all kinds of criminal offenses ranging from drug trafficking to violent crime. Inner-city children see no wrong from him because he buys groceries, school clothes & pays the rent & transportation for the child(ren)'s mother. He's a father figure because he tells the children to respect their elders and parent(s) but at the same time, he's into the street life. I've watched many Gangland documentaries about legendary gangsters who have won fame & fortune from their city's ghetto criminal element and they share one commonality: In their later years, they regret that life because they realize the damage they inflicted on their community: the destruction they caused by the senseless violence and the Fallujah-like atmosphere they created in their 'hood. I respect OG's that quit the gangster life and want to do right by their community but at the same time, the damage is already done. The younger gangsters have no respect for the code & ethics that were laid down by those who came before them. Now, it's shoot first and ask questions later. Here's an example: Larry Hoover, the founder of the Chicago-based Gangster Disciples was well-known nationwide & in Chicago for his calculated, yet ruthless leadership style. Since he's been locked up, he's changed (hopefully the change was/is sincere) and the younger gangsters didn't appreciate it because they feel he's gotten soft. They wanted the old-school, shoot-em-up, calculating Larry Hoover and when he refused to go back to his old ways, they shot him. Since when did wanting to change your life become a crime? The original gangster that realized the error of his ways wants to right his wrong. If anything, he can teach these young brothers there is a better way and you don't have to make the same mistakes I did. Many ex-gang leaders are now mentoring at-risk teens so they don't go through what they (original gangster) did coming up. I think it's interesting how OG's are revered by inner-city youth for the flashy cars & clothes, the lovely lady on their arm and how they provide money for struggling mothers in the ghetto in exchange for overlooking their criminal activity.

Living Through Your Children

One thing that irks me is parents that try to live their dreams through their children. That's crazy because your child(ren) may have their own ambition and parents are going to hold their kids back so THEY (the parents) can relive their glory days? I hate that mess. You have fathers that push their sons hard in sports and want them to excel because deep down, he didn't excel like he wanted to in his youth so his son is his last shot of making it to the pros. Or how about mothers who enter their daughters in modeling and similar pageants so she can get rich & famous off her little girl's success. That mess gets my goat. If the time comes for me to have a child, I will push him or her according to their desire(s). I may give suggestions on what path they should take but ultimately it's on them. My advice is they will pursue their passion with all their might and most of all, they enjoy the hustle. Just because a parent couldn't cut it in high school does not give them the right to dictate their child(ren)'s lives. Those children will grow up someday & leave the nest. Once your children have left the nest, you can no longer dictate your path for your children because they will resist (and rightfully so). It's not a good look telling grown children what to do. They are married with their own family so parents need to cut the cord. Parents are always saying how they won't be with their children always and they need to stand on their own but when your kids get of age to where they can do for self, you don't want to let go. I know parents want the best for their children, that they don't want their children going through what they did at their age but there comes a point where you have to be secure in knowing you raised your children right and send them into the world to make their mark. That's what I plan on doing, should I have children.

Use Your Head

Warning: Extreme realness so if you are slighted, that's your problem & not mine. I tell it like it is. Samson was one of, if not the most powerful Biblical figures in the Bible. He was a man of enormous strength and influence. The source of his strength was his hair which was woven in locks and as long as that remained intact, he was unstoppable. Delilah, a well-known HO in Biblical times (yes, ho's did exist in Jesus' day) was offered 1100 pieces of silver to find out the source of Samson's strength. Samson did well by refusing to tell the first 3 times but eventually he gave in, Delilah summoned the Philistines and they did a number on Samson, then threw him in prison after gouging out his eyes. This clown (Samson) had everything going for him: anointed by God as a warrior and he let a TRICK get him caught up. Samson should've known Delilah didn't care about him; she wanted the 1100 pieces of silver. She came, saw & conquered. I can't speak for other men but for me, if I'm a man of great influence & power, there's no way I would let some foul woman jam me up ESPECIALLY if she was known to be grimy. That's stupid, but then again so are some men in society. Why are some men so doggone stupid? See a shapely woman and some of these men lose their minds...The catcalls, whistles, goo-goo gagas, salivating, etc. It makes me shake my head at these lames because 9 times out of 10, she's not studying those clowns. Women know what they're doing by tempting these men and these dudes fall for it every time. Show some hip & thigh, sexy smile and boom, she has him right where she wants him. I do not feel sorry for any man who gets caught up because if men would use their brain, they could avoid well-known grimy women but noooo....most men focus on her T&A rather than her character. All the curves in the world mean nothing if your character is funky. All I have to do is shake my head at some people by how they allow what's called "feminine wiles" to jam them up, then they look crazy. Nobody can have THAT much power over you. They're grown just like you are. Again, I'm the last of a dying breed in that while I do find shapely women attractive, I'm not going to break my neck trying to get with one.

Being Patient or Wasting Your Time?

This is a question I've been rolling around in my head for a while. How do you know when you're wasting your time or patiently waiting? When do you take action and when do you let things flow? Sometimes you know off top you're wasting your time and others, it's not so easy due to many variables involved. For me, how I know when I'm wasting my time is if 6 months have passed and my situation isn't changing for the better; in that case I get my hustle on and make it happen because if you wait too long, life can & will pass you by. For example, if you want to be debt free in 5 years and your job doesn't pay enough, are you going to stay there or look for something better so you can get to working on your goal? The intelligent person would look for a better job (or take on a 2nd job) so s(he) can achieve that goal. In most cases, it's all about timing. Things have to come together in perfect harmony for optimal success. Wasting time is not being proactive & being patient is when you are actively engaged toward the end result without rushing things. Being patient can also mean you're seeing progress, just not at the rate you want. Rarely does progress happen on our time table. Most times, progress and patience go hand in hand. From a Christian standpoint, you have two options: 1. Wait for a promised blessing or 2. Move to where the blessing could be. It takes steadfast faith to know what to do. I'm getting to the point where if opportunity knocks, I'm kicking the door down because I'm a firm believer that if a solution presents itself, take it and move on. No sense in holding out when you don't have to. You're in a relationship with somebody that's not right for you but you're patient with them in hopes they will tighten up. A year passes, then two, then 5 years. You realize you two aren't meant to be. Would you be wrong for letting them go? No. Everyone desires to be involved with someone that's on the same page financially, emotionally, physically, spiritually, etc. If someone doesn't want what you want, cut them loose. They're good for someone, just not you. I have provided 3 scenarios that illustrate there are times to be patient and there are times to get moving. As with everything else in life, it's up to the person. If someone's impatient and used to getting things quickfast, having to wait for change can be annoying but if you have a person that is willing to be proactive while being patient, then for them...patience won't be a problem.

Conflict Breeds Understanding?

No relationship is immune to conflict. I wish it were true (which I think it is, to an extent) but because people are different, there will be conflict. With people being different comes different outlooks, views, theories, etc. I'm a believer that you learn more through opposing viewpoints because it's in opposition that you are forced to think outside the box, that maybe conflict isn't so bad after all. The most creative solutions have come through conflict. The best relationships are not immune to conflict (though at times, I wish that were the case) but my issue is whether conflict is TRULY necessary in order to have a successful relationship. I think you can have a successful relationship if boundaries are set from the beginning about what will & won't work, dealbreakers, accountability. As long as you have those things, you should have a drama-free relationship; doesn't mean life won't hit you out of the blue from time to time, just that when the rough patches come (and they will), everything will be in place in order to nip it in the bud quickly and move on. I agree & disagree with the statement that you have to have disagreements/arguments in order to have a good relationship. As long as the couple have a clear understanding, that should be enough. Agree to disagree and move on. The only way conflict breeds understanding is if the parties respect each other's stance, and if necessary admit being wrong. The problem with many relationships is that people don't want to admit they're wrong because it makes them look weak. What separates me from the rest is I'm not too proud to admit being wrong. Best of all, I will care less how it makes me look to the other person because as I always say "I don't live to please people." People are too busy trying to win or be right that their pride gets in the way of what could be a beautiful relationship.

To Marry Or Not Marry?

You can read countless studies about how more men & women are opting not to get married for whatever reason. Either the opposite sex is not marriage material or if a couple is living together and things are going good, why fix what's not broken? I think more men are seeing less of a benefit for marriage because many divorces are initiated by women so what's the point of tying the knot? That's just one of many factors. Another factor that contributes to men seeing less of a benefit for marriage is that most married men aren't happy...wife is a nag, sex life is nonexistent and although they may love their woman, some of them regret getting married. As I've mentioned in a previous commentary, many couples are opting for cohabitation and in most cases, couples that shack up are more happier without marriage constraints. If a cohabitating couple wants to call it quits, they can do so without the financial/legal hassle of divorce. The man/woman you thought was right for you could turn out to be Mr(s). Wrong and then what? Either you work through the rough times or call it quits. Let's be real, everyone meets a man/woman with the intention of growing old with him/her and when the rough times come (and they will), that love is surely tested in ways that'll bring both parties to the edge of the cliff. Besides, I don't hear a dearth of women running saying they want to get married by their actions. Most seem to have a child or two by twenty five, say they don't want more kids but they are waiting on Mr. Right. Really? Really. Something else that came to mind as I was pondering this subject is that marriage involves putting the other person above yourself, and that's the issue most people have. While you SHOULD go into a relationship expecting the other person to fulfill your needs/wants, most men & women forget that the other person has needs & wants. It goes both ways. Marriage is a union that so few seem to understand. Society have created power hungry individuals with no real sense of purpose and until the "me first" mentality is dropped, there's no need to marry.

Light Skin vs. Dark Skin

For as long as I can remember, there has been a team dark-skin & light-skin divide among black women. This goes back to slavery times when light-skinned blacks were seen as the closest thing to white so they got special treatment from slavemasters. Light-skinned slaves were treated better than their darker counterparts and weren't subjected to harsher treatment like their darker counterparts. The moral is that if you have the right shade, you are entitled to special treatment. My personal view: I love black women whether they are light-skinned or dark-skinned, they're all beautiful to me. I don't see the point in this team dark/team light-skin foolishness. Sharen, one of my facebook friends posed this statement to me: Men preferring light skinned women over dark skinned girls because and I quote "they get the best of both worlds. The black girl shape with the white girl skin tone." Guess what? My ex told me that. I guess it assauges any guilt they might have over wanting a white girl but they don't get any ridicule from their mothers and other black women don't look at them funny because she's black but light or biracial. I've been thinking about her statement and it coincides with my view that many black men who are into white women see light-skinned women as the closest thing to white. Like the statement says, they get the best of both worlds with the black girl shape and white girl tone. It's like dating a white woman without ACTUALLY being with one.

Enough Is Enough

There comes a point in our lives where people must say enough is enough especially as it relates to detrimental relationships. No one should use anyone for their personal gain, that's not cool AT ALL. I also believe that people do what you allow, meaning if you let someone use you, you can't get upset when they have their way with you because you didn't check them on how you want to be treated. It's funny how people that used you in the past have no use for you when you no longer allow their detrimental behavior. Good riddance, LET THEM GO. If taking a stand means you'll lose some people, so be it. Let the sorry leeches sap someone else. I used to let people walk over me but now, not anymore. If I feel controlled, I will retaliate how I see fit. If I feel like I'm being used, that's not going to fly with me; no way, no how. I hate to see people being used and then become bitter because they won't stand up for themselves. I see why many people have a no-nonsense personality because people definitely take your kindness as weakness. You don't want to be mean but at the same time you don't want people to use you. There are genuine people that value people's kindness and those are the people I want in my circle. Like diamonds, lovely people are extremely rare so that's why it's important to cherish those who make their mark in your life. Think about it, how can a user get upset when the recipient says enough is enough? That's the ultimate form of ratchet. They're good enough to use, but all of a sudden you have no use for them anymore because they are fed up with your shenanigans? Well, get to stepping (Martin Payne voice).

Black Relationships

It shouldn't be any surprise that black relationships are dismal at best. Black men and women dogging each other about how the other isn't worth squat; black men are trifling, black women are loud & ghetto, have babies by several different men and the list goes on from both sides. I can remember a time where black relationships were at an all-time high; both black men & women got along but as time went on, a divide & conquer mentality has crept into black relationships. Black women are dating outside the race more than ever before and black men have been dating outside their race for as long as I can remember. From a black man's standpoint, black women make their issues his issues, too argumentative, overly opinionated, ghetto, horrible attitude and the list goes on. From a black woman's standpoint, black men are dogs, jailbirds, thugs, mama's boys, have no direction in life, etc. Let me say that there are bad apples in every race. It's not a good look to base your judgment of people based on a few bad apples. That's like the entire class being punished for the actions of one student. At the same time, I'm aware that one person can mess it up for everyone. Black women are very loyal to their men, they will stick with him through thick & thin and I can respect that. We all want someone that will ride with us through the good & bad. If you want to date outside your race, by all means go ahead. Don't hide behind the "black men/women are foul" mantra because that's making you look bad. If black women are that bitter towards brothers and feel a man of another race can treat them better, be my guest. I could care less because that's less drama for me to deal with and at this point in my life, the less drama I have to deal with, the better off I'll be. The same can be said for black men who have given up on black women. No need to broadcast it, just do it and keep moving. Go get him/her, do right by him/her, make a family and live happily ever after. I'm not letting women off the hook to go ahead and continue their reckless behaviors but the good women hear this so much. Why not let these men be happy if they aren't going to be happy with black women? I was posed this question by a Facebook friend: How do you feel about this as a black man and what would be the repercussions among black men if this happened? My response would be to do what's best for you. If black men are so disappointed in sisters, they should find someone that makes them happy even if it is outside the race.

Facts & Truths

Some people have a hard time accepting truth for what it is, TRUTH. They will twist it every way they can in order to lessen the impact but at the end of the day, truth is truth. We have to adjust to the truth, truth doesn't bend to our desires. I remember the old adage "Truth hurts". Yes, the truth does hurt especially if one is used to getting their way 24-7. The person hasn't had someone in their life to keep it real with them and when a person comes along to tell them what it is, they don't know how to respond. Truth does not stop being truth because we can't wrap our minds around it. People need to embrace truth instead of bucking against it. Further wallowing in ignorance is prolonging your pain & suffering. Although truth tastes like bitter medicine at first, in the end it's beneficial because it will help you be a better man or woman; and that's what most of us strive for, correct? I know I strive to be better every day. I can't grow up an old fool that's still doing the same foolish things I did when I was in my 20s and 30s. Another aspect of truth is fact. What is fact? A fact is something that has really occurred or is actually the case. The usual test for a statement of fact is verifiability, that is whether it can be proven to correspond to experience Standard reference works are often used to check facts. Scientific facts are verified by repeatable experiments. Opinions become facts if they are backed up by consistent observation, evidence or behavior. The sooner people learn this, the better off they will be.

Special Treatment

If there's one thing that irks me is rich people that find every excuse to avoid paying higher taxes. They shouldn't have a problem paying higher taxes, they are rich; they can afford it. It's the poor/working class & middle class that are struggling to make ends meet so they should get the bulk of these tax cuts. Let's be real, how can you pay higher taxes and you're on a fixed income? That doesn't make sense. It kills me that super-wealthy people find every excuse to avoid paying higher taxes. I think it's sad that the 1% of America controls the majority of dealings in life, from business to life. I find it sad that favoritism exists. Just because you're in the upper echleon of American society doesn't mean you get to call the shots. Even in the criminal justice system, a wealthy person can do the most heinous crime and they get off scot free because they can afford the best legal protection. If a middle or working class person did the very same crime, they would be thrown under the bus. In some strange way, seeing the rich get special treatment has inspired me in a way to improve my financial status through graduate education, entrepreneurship or other means because the more money you have, the more opportunities/services you have at your disposal. Unlike most people, when I reach the level of success I want, I'm going to use my influence to help those less fortunate come up. Being able to make a difference in someone's life through your influence is something that will stick with you for a while.

Working From Home

Many people are turned on to the idea of working from home and for good reason. You save on gas and clothing, you don't have to deal with co-workers that you don't like (let's be real, there will always be some co-workers that you just don't gel with) and most of all, the peace of mind that comes from working at home is priceless. I've always been attracted to working from home but just recently have I started to pursue the option full-time. If you can get a legit, work-at-home job, then go for it. That's what I plan on doing. The money I save from gas & clothing could be put to good use like investing in my mutual fund, saving, putting extra in the tithe/offering at church, there's many ways I could put the extra money to good use. Granted, many work-at-home opportunities are scams (which is sad) but the opportunities I get in my e-mail are the same as a regular job, one you go to everyday and offers a nice benefit package. Many companies are offering work-from-home as an alternative because in this economy, you have to save any way you can. Who knows, I'll make enough to where I can quit my regular job and focus on the work-at-home gig full-time. I'm a supporter of those who choose to work-at-home because there's really no such thing as job security: People getting laid off left & right and some employees haven't had raises in years. My work-at-home gig will be Internet Marketing or Telecommunications because those are two lucrative sectors. Knowing me, I may do both because why settle for one income when you can have both? Working from home is a feeling that you can't describe because although you may like the social interaction, at times you want to focus on your work and that's where working from home comes into play: You work full-time BUT you set your own schedule. If you wanted to get a couple extra hours of sleep and then put in work. I see why many people are turning to working from home. As good as working from home is, some people aren't cut out for it and that's fine. To each their own.