Once, Twice, Three Time's A Charm

Why cheat? If you're not happy, LEAVE. Cheating is a waste of your time and your partner's. In the end, cheating's not worth it because the time spent sneaking around with another person could be better spent finding someone more compatible. What sounds so simple, people make so complicated. Ok, so someone cheats on their spouse, the other person finds out and gets upset (rightfully so). All kinds of emotions are running through their head: upset/angry, hurt, sad, etc. Remembering the good times they shared, the offended decides to give the other person a 2nd chance. I'm all for 2nd chances but honestly, some people abuse them. When you give someone another shot, you are trusting them not to foul up again because the next time, it's over for good. Reading the above pic, the offender has to feel genuine remorse for their transgression or otherwise, continuing to take someone back after they cheat is giving them a green light. You can't keep giving someone passes when you know they're going to abuse them. Honestly, it's tough deciding to give someone another chance because you don't know if they're for real or trying to jerk your chain. I have zero tolerance for cheating because if I'm giving my woman 1000 reasons to smile, all she needs is one reason to creep and when she does, I'm gone. No second chances. I will forgive her but I can't give her another shot because she'll have a green light to keep cheating knowing I'll take her back. As long as you lay down the law early on in the relationship, there should be no problems. People that continually take someone back after they've cheated are setting themselves up for bitterness because of allowing someone to continually hurt them. Newsflash: If someone cheats on you, they didn't love you because if they did, they would not have crept. Save the "you're never there, you're always working, etc." excuses. In the same manner, if you continually take a cheater back, you have no right to get upset because YOU allow them to hurt you.

When In Doubt, Duck Out

You know marriage is under attack when the legal industry advertises in this manner. Life's Short, Get A Divorce. With divorce being big business, I can see why law firms would try to profit off divorce. Couples that aren't compatible shouldn't have gotten married to begin with because they've wasted each other's time. Whatever happened to approaching relationships the OLD-SCHOOL way? Get to know a person before you decide to marry them, this way when you marry them, you know you made the right decision having done your due diligence. I cannot in good conscience support financial gain from a painful experience. I personally hate divorce because of the pain it inflicts on the parties involved: The couple getting divorced and the children (if any are in the picture). I also realize that divorce is a last resort after one has tried everything to make the relationship work and there's nothing left to be done. When you've done all you can and there's nothing left, take your loss and move on. I'm 50-50 on marriage, part of me would enjoy being married to the right woman and the other half doesn't want to deal with the ups & downs of relationships. It's going to take a special woman to make marriage worthwhile for me. Many men are reluctant to marry because of child support laws and alimony which are set up to favor women; many women feeling they are entitled to this, that and the third when they aren't bringing nothing to the table. Shacking has become the new marriage: Live together without formal commitment. At least when a couple shacks, they aren't bound by legal/financial and moral obligations to make the relationship work. The option to bounce is always available. At this rate, marriage may become extinct since many people are less likely to tie the knot. Honestly, marriage used to be about love and companionship but now it's delved into a business arrangement: What you can do for me instead of what we can bring into each other's lives.

Put A Ring On It

Every woman strives for this moment, the day where her man puts a ring on her finger. The issue is that like many men, many women are not marriageable. Loud, obnoxious, belligerent and disrespectful types need not apply for marriage because they don't deserve it. A woman has to be the cream of the crop in order for a man to propose her. A man shouldn't propose to anything with a booty and a cute face. I'm aware that there are some women that don't want to be married due to career aspirations and lack of good men (they are right to a degree). A real man takes a woman for wife purposes. I don't think it's shameful that loud, obnoxious, belligerent and disrespectful women are passed over as wife material because it's not. If you're acting contrary to what you seek in a mate, you don't deserve a relationship because that man or woman is not going to want to deal with your issues. For many other women who want marriage, it's very shameful for them not to achieve wife status; that's the very thing they live, dream and strive for. To be rejected & not esteemed is one of the most painful things for a woman. For the most part, every woman wants marriage but not every woman is worthy of it.

Riding Solo

I have a soft spot for loners. To see people go through life on their own is sad to me. We were created for companionship, a basic need all humans have. There's nothing like feeling close to another person, being able to count on them in your of need and vice versa. The problem is letting the WRONG people into your life. When you let the wrong people into your life, you become jaded from being hurt repeatedly. You can choose to do soul-searching to figure out why you attract toxic people in your circle orrrr....you can write everyone off as sorry, it's up to you. Toxic people have no room in my circle so they can stay from around me. I want people that are going to push me towards my goals and overall, motivate me to be the best I can for myself. Not everyone is right to be in your life, I get that. I'm the first to say you should have a screening process in place to weed out the unqualified candidates. It's worked for me because I've been able to avoid unnecessary bitterness from creeping into my life by being jaded. That's not a good look for me. Many times, you don't have to weed people out of your life because they do it for you. I can't see how some people go through life solo, no friends & family, acquaintances, no support system, etc. It's like they're just existing. I admire self-made people who have gotten to where they are with no help from others. Those people have been told no countless times but they didn't let it stop them. Self-made people usually have very few, if any (other than family, and even family can be your biggest haters) people in their corner. Then again, some people are loners by choice. They enjoy their solitude so I can't fault them for that. Why place yourself around toxic people if you don't have to? I like being around people but most of the time I ride solo. You don't always need people in your corner to be happy in life. Sometimes, being a loner is a good thing.

Why God, Why?

If anyone says they've never questioned God, they're lying. All of us has questioned God whenever stuff goes wrong in our lives. It's natural because many times, situations happen that are out of our control and we want to know why God would allow this. The Bible mentions that God reigns on the just & unjust. It's not fair that one person can mess it up for everyone but that's what I gather from God raining on the just and unjust. Reminds me of my school days where one kid did wrong and the whole class got punished. You can be faithful & obedient, live by the word and still have to face the same wrath as a sinner. I can truly understand why most non-Christians don't want to come to Christ because if they see Christians going through worse situations than them, what's the point? It's not wrong to question God as long as it's to find your calling or ask why some people have a good start in life and others have the odds stacked against them. When you see someone who had a good start in life whereas you had to fight for everything you got, you're going to ask God why did they have everything handed to them and you had to hustle for yours? Some people go through so much in life (out of their control) they end up turning their back on God. Why live for Christ and you go through more as a Christian than in the world? Now I would NEVER turn my back on Christ but I have wondered the rationale of living for God when you're predestined to go through hell? Those same people you used to run with before you got saved aren't checking for you anymore because you tightened up. At the same time, I realize God is not required to explain himself to anyone, myself included about why he does what he does.

You Can't Be Pimped If You're Not Willing To Be The Ho

Some people make me sick to my stomach, they really do. I sometimes wonder if I'm the only person with my priorities in order because I don't run out to get every new product that hits the market. If I buy a product and it serves me well, why would I get the same product? True, the new product may have new & better features but if what I have is working for me, I'm keeping it. Take the IPhone 5 for example, $500+ retail price and you had folks standing in line for hours waiting for the release. Apple already has the IPhone 6 coming out at the turn of the year so I expect this madness to continue. Shakes Head. There used to be a time where people were content with their current position but every time a new product hits the market, people racing to get it. Most people get IPhones because of the name and not because the product meets a need; marketing pimping at its finest. Some people forefited their rent & car note for that IPhone 5; hope the IPhone was worth that eviction notice and repo notice. I like nice things but bills come first. Anything leftover is for play-play or I put that in savings. People that aren't used to nice things go buck wild when the latest gadget hits the market. Student loans are the same way; students take out thousands of dollars that have to be repaid and in this economy, many of them can't find jobs or they have to take jobs below them until they find a job in their field. Part of the blame is on the student because some students pick useless majors instead of picking fields with the strongest job growth. In order to be pimped, you have to be willing to be the ho. You have to bend over to be screwed or for monkeys to ride your back. How about employment? Most college graduates end up not working in their fields so what's the point of having a degree in Biology and you can't get a job in that area? Because of the economy, companies are cutting back so current employees are having to do more with less; some employees haven't gotten raises in 3-4 years. This is the "new" way of doing business. Veteran employees are being laid off in favor of younger workers who are willing to take less wages because they're desperate for experience. That's a form of pimping. Prostitution works especially well because a hooker solicits clients for services only to give the money to her pimp. She rarely, if ever gets a cut of the profits. It's shameful that people will virtually go broke trying to keep up with the latest fad.

Strength vs. Belligerence

Some women got the word strength mixed up. They feel they should be able to talk crazy to their man and he not speak up. Not going to work. A man will always chin-check anybody that tries him crazy. When a man is strong enough to tell a woman she's full of crap, she starts to attack his manhood, says he hates women, bla bla bla. That's her only defense because she knows deep down she was wrong for what she did. Make it so bad, this woman is supposed to love & care for her man and she acting stupid towards him. No wonder most men don't want a relationship because some women are not high caliber. When you love someone, YOU DO NOT drive him away under any circumstances, NO MATTER WHAT. I don't care if she's hurting, going through rough times, etc. That doesn't give her a pass to unfairly unload on her man. The funny thing is, some women love to respond with "you can't handle a strong woman bla bla bla" So, handling a strong woman entails loving her even if she's acting stupid? Try that on a man with a GED because it gets none over here. Thank goodness I'm single because with the quality of women diminishing daily, I'm not missing much by choosing not to date. Besides, I'm in a good place in life where things are falling in place and no woman is going to jeopardize that. I'm a strong man...I'm strong enough NOT to tolerate foolishness from any woman that's supposed to love and care for me. Some of these men disgust me with how they continually show love to their wife/girlfriend/fiancee even if she's not being lovable back to him. I'm like "Grow a pair man, seriously." No woman wants a man that will allow her to talk stupid to him. A person can  take so much craziness until they put you in your place. At the same time, if a man doesn't engage a belligerent woman then I have respect for him because he's smart enough not to play her silly game. Let her look stupid by herself; an argument requires two participants. If a man chooses to get involved with a belligerent woman who challenges him on every front, he should have known how she was. He loses all rights to complain because he did not use the discernment to cut her loose.

For Better Or Worse Pt. 2

Yesterday I touched on the unfortunate scenario of a woman carrying a rapist's child and how it would affect not only her but the husband as well. The husband is pissed (and rightfully so) because he couldn't protect his woman from that horrible ordeal and she wants to keep the child, but he wants her to get an abortion. They don't believe in abortion but I understand why the husband would want his wife to get one. Carrying a scumbag's child would be a constant reminder of the incident and nobody wants to relive horrific memories. The husband INSISTS on his woman getting an abortion but his wife doesn't want to give up the child because she sees the child as a blessing even though it came into the world under horrible circumstances. This begins to drive a wedge in their marriage because both spouses will not budge. The mother needs to prepare for the possibility of single motherhood and honestly, I wouldn't blame the man for walking because for one thing his wife was attacked and two, she wants to keep the child. Here's the catch: The husband was unable to make a baby due to low sperm count or some other unforeseen circumstance. His woman was there for him so in a roundabout way, she's asking the same of him. She could have left her husband when he couldn't make children but she stood by him and he's unwilling to do the same for her. The husband has every right to feel as he does and as crazy as it sounds, so does the wife. God answered the woman's prayer for a child even if it came through rape; not what the husband had in mind but the child is a part of them. I can't help but think keeping a rapist's child is the rapist's way of rubbing it in her husband's face, like "I did what you couldn't do, which is give your woman a child". To suggest that God would allow this to happen is crazy because God would never willingly put his children through hellish circumstances. Some trials God spares us from and others he allows his people to go through knowing they will be for his glory and our benefit. I can honestly see how scenarios like this could make or break a marriage. In some states, if a woman is raped and gives birth to a rapist's child, the rapist does have parental rights.

For Better Or Worse

A woman is raped by two men and gets pregnant by one of the rapists, she views the child as a blessing from God but her husband feels otherwise. His first thought is to get revenge on the scumbags for violating his woman in that manner. She's wanted a child for a while but couldn't have one because her husband couldn't produce sperm. Does the wife have an abortion or carry the child to term? Keep in mind the couple doesn't believe in abortion. The husband is more upset at the fact he couldn't protect his woman than the pregnancy. He feels as though he shouldn't be made to take care of a child not biologically his but the wife has wanted a child forever and now they have one, he wants her to have an abortion because the child came into the world under horrible circumstances. This would not be an easy decision for me so me and my woman would have a long discussion about this because we need to be prepared for the worst. Should she want to keep the baby even though it came under terrible circumstances, it would take everything in me to support her decision even though I would have every reason to feel otherwise. Keep in mind, she was there for him when he couldn't produce sperm for a child and in a way, she's asking him to do the same for her. I hope I never have to go through this ordeal but if so, my belief system would be tested. Normally I don't go for abortion but in rape cases, I can understand why women get them because why bear a child under hellish circumstances? That's not right. Then again an abortion would be just as foul as rape itself so canceling a sin with another is moot. This is one of those situations where For Better Or Worse would be tested. Everyone has their own belief system but there comes a time where beliefs are tested. Do you stand on your belief(s) even under intense pressure or stand your ground in secret but not in public? Unfortunately, many people stand up for their beliefs in private but not in public. The greatest leaders in history have stood their ground regardless of unpopularity or approval. They didn't let popular opinion sway them and to me, that makes a great person. Conceiving a child from rape would be one of those "What the devil meant for evil, God meant for good" stories. Rape is a horrible ordeal and I would hate for any woman to be faced with the decision of aborting a rapist's child or raising the child as their own.

You're A Great Catch, Oh Really?

In relationships, people put their best foot forward in hopes of attracting Mr(s) Right. No one wants to paint themselves in a bad light so many people play up to their strengths in hopes of hooking their desired mate. Whenever I hear men & women talk about being a good catch, in my mind I'm thinking they're full of it because if you're a good catch, you don't broadcast it because you're too busy showing better than telling. I don't bother telling people I'm this or that because I prefer to show better than tell. Most people have gotten so used to tooting their own horn they actually believe the lies that come out of their mouth. People learn enough about you by your actions. If you say you're a Christian but you rip & run the streets with no impunity, then have the nerve to be in church Sunday morning praising God, that's flaw. A woman can have 5 children by 5 different men and think of herself as a good catch. Miss, YOU HAVE 5 CHILDREN BY 5 DIFFERENT MEN; how does that make you a good catch? It doesn't. No man wants someone's leftovers. Most men keep it real with themselves. It seems to me women paint themselves as something they're not; not cool. If a man or woman says they're a good catch and they match it in their conduct & character, I take their word because they don't say they're a good catch, they live it. Actions will always speak louder than words. Whenever a man or woman says they're a great catch, be careful because 9 times out of 10, they're lying. They're saying that to absolve themselves of having to back up what they say. Don't just say you're a great catch, SHOW how you're a good catch. Otherwise, you're just saying that to hear yourself talk and many people will be able to see right through you. I'm a little annoyed when people say they're great catches when they have nothing to bring to the table. If I meet a woman and she tells me what a great catch she is, I will ask her HOW is she a great catch, and how she answers that question will determine how far the relationship goes because I don't want someone that says they're a good catch but has nothing to show for it. I expect the same in return from her; it goes both ways.

Black Men & Women's Plight

Who has it harder, black men or women? Ask this question of any black person and you'll get varied answers. Some will say black women have it harder and others will say black men have it harder. I think BOTH have it hard in this country because during slavery times, black men were sold into slavery while black women were forced to watch their men being hauled off to perform backbreaking labor with little to no rest. Watching your loved ones being sold into slavery eats at you just as much, if not more than you going into slavery because you hate to see your loved ones suffer. I hope I never have to go through the experience of watching a loved one go into slavery because I don't think I could take it. I wouldn't be sad, but I would be upset. While the men were in slavery, black women were holding the household down by cooking & cleaning, plus taking care of the children. They get my respect for that. When I hear this question, I think it's a battle of the sexes to see who has it worse. It does seem like black men have it worse because many of them come out of the womb with the odds stacked: Expected to be dead or in jail before 18, highest severe disability rate, chronic unemployment, least likely to go to college (even though recent trends do show the gap is closing between black men who end up in jail as opposed to going to college), black on black murder, etc. It's really painful. Black Men and Women are fighting some sort of battle so they need to start working together on the issues.This response was posted by a FB friend: "A huge part of reparing the damage is black men ACKNOWLEDGING the struggles that many of their women are facing. It can't just be "oh, pity the black man" 24/7. It's far too lop-sided IMO. For example, anytime a high-profile case involving a black male is going on (like Trayvon Martin) BOTH sexes jump to the man's rescue in OUTRAGE. However, if the media is coming down unfairly on a black woman, most of the outrage is seen from FELLOW black women...with support and back-up from black men rarely found. Now what's up with THAT?? I'm in no way denying that many black men face horrible things, but it isn't right how many of them overlook the pain of their fellow women. When the media unfairly comes down on a black woman, most of the outrage is from fellow black women with support from black men rarely, if ever found." I do admit it's not right that many black men ignore black women's pain instead of trying to protect them from these things. Many black men feel since black women are so strong/tough, they don't need their men's help. Let them deal with it. Considering many black women have been forced to be strong, I can see where many black men are reluctant to help. Best believe if it was his sister, mother or niece, these same black men would be on the front lines fighting for this, that and the third but since it's some random black woman on the street, many black men turn a blind eye to her struggle. I feel for the challenges many black women face because a black woman is like my tag-team partner, she struggles, I struggle with her. That goes double if she was a loved one.

Message Without The Mess

When I read about successful people who have accomplished all they set out to do, most successful people have one thing in common: They had to grind to get where they're at because very few people had a good start in life. Almost all successful people had many challenges on their way to prosperity, but they didn't let their obstacles stop them. Successful people turn obstacles into opportunities because they have a vision of where they want to be in life and nothing will stop them. That reminds me, why do people want a message without a mess? I've never understood that rationale. It's like people want to bypass the struggle in order to get the breakthrough and it doesn't work like that most of the time. Most times, the road to success is paved with obstacles. At the same time, I do realize you can learn from others' mistakes because why make the same errors as someone else? Let their screw-ups help you by showing you what not to do. I just find it annoying when people want a shortcut to prosperity. Has society become lazy that we want shortcuts to EVERYTHING? Seems like it to me because there are shortcuts for everything in society. No one wants the grind but they want the shine. Everybody wants a testimony without the test & in the same light, people want messages without the message. One cannot be had without the other. Unless I knew without hesitation that the shorter way would be more efficient, then I'd take the longer way. I wouldn't appreciate a blessing if I had it handed to me. I respect my blessing(s) when I have to work for it. People need to understand that nothing in life is free, you have to work for everything you get. If you want a message, you have to have a mess. How can you be a testimony to someone and you haven't gone through nothing? That Part.

Some Things I Will Never Understand

Why are some children born with disabilities and others are born healthy? That doesn't make sense because every child is entitled to a healthy life free of disabilities. It breaks my heart because there are people that have multiple disabilities. They must've been cursed with bad genetics to have multiple disabilities. That's why I say genetics can be a blessing & a curse because if a couple decides to have a child, they need to find out their family's health history; are there disabilities or other health conditions that are hereditary and if so, there needs to be a reluctancy on the part of one or both parents because raising a special needs child is tough. You have to have great patience and strength to love that child through the ups & downs. Life is hard enough but having a disability is 10x harder because disabled students are bullied disproportionately in schools, society is ignorant to the challenges disabled people face, employer discrimination, etc. I have no problem with a couple wanting children but if one or both people have a disability then it's risky bringing a child into this world because you don't want your child(ren) inheriting your condition. I'm very much aware of God's power because even though a disability may be hereditary, God can still flip the script to where that disability WON'T touch your child. Keep your child covered under God's blood and be thankful you are blessed with healthy children because there are couples out there that aren't so fortunate. Seeing these people take simple things for granted makes me mad because if they knew how less fortunate some people are, they would tighten up and appreciate what they have. I just think adoption would be a better choice for couples where one or both are disabled because at least with adoption, you can choose what kind of child you want: newborn, toddler, preteen or teen. Even with adoption, you still need to do your homework and find out any health conditions that exist and then decide if you are up to the challenge of raising a child with special needs. It's not easy by any means and those who say it is, are lying. I also know there are disabled people that live full lives regardless of their handicap. I salute those kind of people because they didn't let their disability stop them from doing big things in life. They tend to appreciate their breakthrough more because of what they had to go through to get where they are. I feel if you have a good start in life, you can't understand what others face because you haven't been where they are. At the same time, if you have a good start in life then you have reason to be thankful because you are better off than some people.

Relationship Entitlement

When two people come together, it's a given they have expectations for each other. The man has guidelines for his woman and the woman for her man. A relationship won't last unless there's clear guidelines about what will & won't work. My issue is when people throw out the statement "What you won't do, someone else will" because I think of a spoiled brat that threatens to leave if (s)he doesn't get their way. In a relationship, if someone does for you it's because they WANT to, not because they HAVE to; let's make that clear. While men & women are guilty of this statement, it's usually women who say this from an entitlement standpoint. I can understand being entitled to love & respect, faithfulness and honesty because those should be expected from a prospective partner. To say "what you won't do for me, someone else will" from an entitlement standpoint like someone has to do this, that and the third for you while you bring nothing to the table is grounds for dismissal, at least for me. Nobody is obligated to go hard for you. If they do, it's because they care enough for you to give you the best of them. The only time that statement should apply is if you have non-negotiable basic requirements. I've noticed that people who throw out the "what you won't do for me, someone else will" statement are those who want to take without giving. Those kind of women are invisible because why give your best to someone you may not be feeling? That doesn't make sense to me because if I care for someone, it's easier for me to go hard for them because I want to see them happy. That's a red flag that someone's a user because if they expect you to give your all to them and they're not reciprocating, you shouldn't waste another nanosecond on them because they showed you what they're about offtop. It's almost as ridiculous as people who say "I'm not settling for chicken dinner when I deserve prime rib". Again, people who say that typically won't bring anything to the table and are invisible. I, and other likeminded people will not allow ourselves to be used. I can understand being entitled to whatever you desire IF you are bringing something to the table, but to dictate that a man should cater to a woman is nonsense. When you're in a relationship with someone, they should give you what you NEED, not WANT. Anything extra they give you is out of the goodness of their heart, not obligation. The sooner people learn this, the better.

Leaf, Branch Or Root?

Tyler Perry periodically sends me inspirational e-mails so I will post a few here & there, this was too good NOT to share: WHAT KIND OF PERSON ARE YOU?


I said this in a play once as Madea... LOL. But I thought I'd revisit it as Tyler for those of you who may not have heard it :-)


I have this tree analogy when I think of people in my life, be it friends, family, acquaintances, employees, co-workers, whomever...They are all placed inside what I call my tree test. It goes like this:


LEAF PEOPLE
Some people come into your life and they are like leaves on a tree. They are only there for a season. You can't depend on them or count on them because they are weak and only there to give you shade. Like leaves, they are there to take what they need and as soon as it gets cold or a wind blows in your life they are gone. You can't be angry at them, it's just who they are.



BRANCH PEOPLE
There are some people who come into your life and they are like branches on a tree. They are stronger than leaves, but you have to be careful with them. They will stick around through most seasons, but if you go through a storm or two in your life it's possible that you could lose them. Most times they break away when it's tough. Although they are stronger than leaves, you have to test them out before you run out there and put all your weight on them. In most cases they can't handle too much weight. But again, you can't be mad with them, it's just who they are.



ROOT PEOPLE
If you can find some people in your life who are like the roots of a tree then you have found something special. Like the roots of a tree, they are hard to find because they are not trying to be seen. Their only job is to hold you up and help you live a strong and healthy life. If you thrive, they are happy. They stay low key and don't let the world know that they are there. And if you go through an awful storm they will hold you up. Their job is to hold you up, come what may, and to nourish you, feed you and water you.



Just as a tree has many limbs and many leaves, there are few roots. Look at your own life. How many leaves, branches and roots do you have? What are you in other people's lives?

Paraphrase: Reading this has helped me better understand what role people play in my life. Some people are meant for a season and some are meant for a lifetime. It's important to figure out which people fall into what category and treat them accordingly. If someone walks out of your life through no fault of your own, don't be upset because they fulfilled their purpose for that time. Not all relationships are meant to be close. It's the root people you want to keep on your team because they have been & will continue being there for you through it all. Branch people can only tolerate so much until they break. When that happens, you make a decision whether you want to help them develop into roots or cut ties with them. The choice is yours. I would rather have roots on my team than leafs or branches but again, reading this letter has helped me understand why some relationships last and others don't.

Settling Down

There comes a time where every man & woman decides to settle down. Some people catch on sooner than others but I think eventually everyone wants to settle down with that one person who gives us that motivation. Playing the field becomes tiring after a while because you're ripping & running with different people trying to find Mr(s) Right. No matter how long you play the field, people will never be satisfied because they're always looking for more. In their mind, this person provides what the others may lack. Some people never get tired of playing the field and that's fine; to each his/her own. I get bored real easy so if I was into playing the field, I would quickly outgrow it because I would desire someone that could hold me down through thick & thin (good & bad). This is why I think marriage is the answer to promiscuity because you can play the field for so long until you realize you want to settle down with that one man or woman. This person motivates you to change for the better so it's easier to settle down. Let's be real, if someone's not worth it there's no incentive to settle down, right? Right. A FB friend asked me the following question regarding my status: Do you think it's more in the timing that the person is ready to settle down & then find the one or is it both? I replied with both because you have to be ready to settle down before you start looking for the right one. Once you find Mr(s) Right, it's confirmation of your decision to settle down. Everybody has the capacity to settle down, it's a matter of the right person coming along to help them realize that. What it boils down to is this: Why play the field? If you have no intention of being in a relationship, by all means remain single because to me, ripping and running with different people signals some people have deeper issues that need to be dealt with.

Hit & Run

There was a time when people GOT TO KNOW each other before they slept together. In today's society, people are quick to sleep together before they take time to feel each other out. Where do they do that at? I mean really. People must be THAT hard up for physical affection that they give themselves to anything breathing. When the relationship fails (and it almost always will), both people are stuck looking crazy like why or how did the relationship fail? It should be obvious because a relationship that's built on lust won't last. There has to be a concrete foundation before the couple takes it to the next level. I must be the only man alive that would rather get to know a woman before deciding to sleep with her. Should I sleep with her, it will be within marriage confines because we would have discussed our expectations early on. Besides, giving yourself to the RIGHT person makes it much more enjoyable than giving it to everything with a pulse. Whenever two people sleep together, a child will always come into the picture because nobody had sense enough to use protection. It's one thing to bring a child into this world, but it's another to do it with someone you may not stay with long-term. He/She's Good Enough to Sleep With, But Not Good Enough to Have A Child By? That's craziness. People don't take relationships seriously anymore, it's bonk first and then get to know somebody. After a child is born, the parents realize they aren't compatible and split up. The child is split between two homes so they grow up not understanding the dynamics of a healthy relationship. Let me wrap my head around this: You and him/her slept & had a child together, THEN realize you two aren't compatible? REALLY? That's backwards thinking and it's that mindset that's why so many children are born out of wedlock. This is what separates me from most people: If a woman's not wife material, I'm not sleeping with her, period. Should I choose to have a child, it will be brought into the RIGHT environment where it can blossom. I've been asked on several occasions if I have children and I say "No." Some people are shocked at my answer but it's the truth. I guess they're so used to hearing about people my age with a kid or two that it blows their mind when someone's 31 with no child. I've got too much going on to THINK about having kids. Should I decide to go that route, my graduate education will be complete, business career off the ground, own a couple internet businesses and debt-free (which I already am). I don't want my children to struggle for NOTHING, which is why I'm doing it my way. This goes for men & women: Keep Your Legs Closed. If You're Not Going To Marry Him/Her, Don't Sleep With Them.

Guard Your Heart & Mind

GUARD YOUR HEART AND MIND: By Tyler Perry
 If you can get this, this will change your life. I was out taking my morning run. I love how still it is when I’m running. I can hear clearly and really commune with God. I wanted to share this with you. It’s a lesson I had to learn.

One of the keys to success is to be able to guard your heart. Now, usually when someone says guard your heart they are talking about keeping yourself from heartbreak. Although that is important (as long as you don’t go overboard... but that’s another conversation) that isn’t what I’m talking about. When we are born into this world we enter with such a pure heart but as we grow older situations, circumstances and people tend to make us change. Now I know it is nearly impossible to keep a childlike innocence in our hearts all of our lives, especially after people have betrayed, lied, mistreated and downright been the devil. Trust me when I tell you, I have seen it all. I have been there big time. If you’re like me you’ve been there too. But if this is your situation I want you to know two very important things about those moments of heartbreak. Number one, learn the lesson in it. See how it will work together for your good, because it will. Once you do, it’s easier to forgive and move on. Secondly, and this is just as important as the first one, you must not let that person or people change your heart. What do I mean by that? Well, if you are a giver and someone you have given to misuses your gift, don’t stop giving… just give to someone else. If you are a person that loves people and someone you love hates you, don’t stop loving… love someone else. Eventually, you will find people who appreciate your kindness and your love. Remember this, lots of people have been conditioned to not be able to accept purity of heart. They can’t take it in. Most times it’s not even their fault. It’s just what has happened to them on their journey in life. But don’t let them turn you into one of them. There will be a lot of people in your life who will not appreciate your pureness of heart. If they hurt you don’t stop being you, just be you with someone else.

Why is this so important? Because God blesses you according to what is in your heart. If you are being kind, giving, loving and sharing because it is in your heart and you are not looking for anything in return, then that is a heart that God wants to bless. If you change who you are because you’ve been hurt, then you’ve changed the thing that God wants to bless you according to, and that is your heart. The people who hurt you are not worth that. You can lose everything that you have, but don’t let anybody change your heart.

 

My theory: When I read this message, it was on point. One of the hardest things to do is stay true to yourself in spite of life's disappointments. It takes more strength to be yourself even if you have reason to change who you are because of unfortunate circumstances. I like what Tyler said about continuing to be loving regardless of people hurting you. It's true, just because one person hurts you, show love to someone else. The RIGHT people will appreciate you for YOU, not because of what you give them.



Bill Clinton full DNC Speech 2012

THIS is what you call a powerful speech! I'm listening to this right now and I'm tuned in. If there's anyone who can help Obama get this country back on track it's former President Clinton. Think about it, when Clinton was in office the economy was prospering. It's only when Bush got into office the economy tanked. When President Obama got into office, he inherited Bush's mess so you can't expect Obama to undo in 4 years what Bush created in 8. Obama's first term was spent cleaning up Bush's mess and hopefully he'll get another term (which I'm sure he will) so Obama will be able to put his plans into action. This speech gives me another reason to vote for President Obama. Being endorsed by President Clinton (greatest president in American history) will give any candidate an edge.

Christians In The Club

A Christian that's into nightclubs raises a red flag because last time I checked, Christians don't belong in nightclubs or strip joints for that matter. What business could a Christian man or woman have being the club? For me, sinful desires are elevated 30 fold being in a nightclub environment because there's always the temptation to indulge in something you have no business partaking of. Men and women grinding on each other and everybody knows how excited men get when an attractive woman grinds on them. It starts with grinding and will graduate to sexual activity. Last weekend I was doing research on this subject and came up on http://www.gotquestions.org/Christian-clubbing.html?fb_action_ids=4657473801596&fb_action_types=og.likes&fb_ref=.UEJlmaFp7oA.like&fb_source=aggregation&fb_aggregation_id=288381481237582. The aforementioned link explained Christian clubbing in great detail. In short, clubs aren't places for Christians because they provide a place to give oneself over to sinful desires. Combine drinks & grinding and something's bound to go down. To put it bluntly, nightclubs are part of the world which is controlled by Satan. They are designed for the purpose of giving oneself over to sinful desires. Nightclubs exist primarily for two purposes: drinking alcohol and meeting members of the opposite sex, most often with sexual activity in mind. Yes, there is music and dancing, but primarily singles in particular go clubbing to drink and meet someone. Nightclubs are of the world, and while Christians are to be in the world, we are not to be of it. Being of the world means to be interested in and desiring those things that appeal to the sinful nature. Now I know many Christians will argue "A Christian can go to the club just to have a good time" Therein lies the problem because you may start off having a good time in the club and then go back to their place for extracurricular activity. I've never been into clubs because they've gotten such a bad rep with shootings & murders. Every club someone has been to has at least a dozen fights, shootings & murders under it's belt. Why put yourself in that kind of environment? It's not only hood clubs that attract negativity but upscale establishments have been attracting negative attention for much the same things going on at hood clubs. There should be other ways Christians can have fun than by dropping it like it's hot and picking it back up in the club. Christians are held to a higher standard than the world and if a Christian is in the club acting just as bad, if not worse as an unbeliever, what incentive does the unbeliever have to come to Christ? NONE. Christians are an extension of God himself so it's important to represent Jesus. For me, the only clubs I'll go to are jazz/blues and lounges. Those are real chill spots you can listen to live music and still meet someone. They don't have the shoot-'em'-up ghetto thuggery of hip-hop clubs. At the same time, even if a Christian goes to a club to have a good time, just being there raises suspicion in unbelievers' eyes because unbelievers are saying "How can they call themselves a Christian and they're at the club doing the same thing we are doing, if not worse?" If I'm witnessing to someone and they see me in the club, that's going to raise suspicion & rightfully so. I can't look crazy talking one thing and doing another.

Appreciating Women For Who They Are

One of the common complaints women seem to have about men is that men don't know how to appreciate them for who they are. Usually there's some truth to that because some men will try to change the essence of who a woman is so she can be right for him. I could see if asking a woman to change is going to benefit her long term but abandoning the core of who you are as a person is not the move. Either accept a woman for who she is or bounce. That's why it's important for men to do their due dilligence because he doesn't want to get with the wrong woman only to find out she's not what he wants or expects her to be. Most men are worried about how big her booty is instead of getting to know her. A woman wants a man to appreciate her understanding, passionate side, point of view and the emotions that make up who she is. I don't think that's unreasonable at all because most men want the same from a woman. Most men appreciate women for who they are, but if she doesn't fit an ideal fantasy then they might as well not exist. In my view, some women can be irrational and mysterious at times but I have sense enough to know you can't change someone into who you want them to be. Either she's right for me or not. Men and Women should already be working on themselves so if any changes need to be made, that man or woman can make them solo; they won't have to depend on someone else to bring to their attention changes that need to be made. I've noticed a lot of men wanting women to think like men. If you've seen the movie Think Like A Man, this concept is discussed in detail. The premise behind thinking like a man is women understanding how a man approaches relationships. It also goes on to state how some men play on the mistakes women make when pursuing a mate. If women want men to appreciate them for who they are, it would behoove them to understand relationships from a man's point of view. Finding out how men approach relationships is how a woman gets to know her man. There isn't anything wrong with women being compassionate, sensitive, loving , passionate, clingy or needing space at times...... that's what men expect out of women, but just because the environment evokes certain things in a woman doesn't mean that a woman should turn her negative emotions towards her man or continuously be contrary, contradictory, neisty (nice & nasty), sarcastic, and argumentative with her man. That's tantamount to attacking him with a bludgeon. It's not that women will never think like a man, they CHOOSE not to. Let's make that clear. If you can't accept a woman for who she is, you don't need to be with her. When a man gets involved with his lady, he should do his due diligence to see if he can handle her complexity. That means seeing her at her best, worst and everything in between. It goes double for women as well; if you can't handle your man at his best and worst, hit the bricks and find someone you can tolerate. Men And Women have issues they need to fix. A man can receive correction and he won't fly off the handle because you know why? Men are used to getting their butts handed to them. We make the appropriate changes and move on. Society has babied women for too long that they've become spoiled. You can't tell them nothing because they'll get fighting mad and swing the rod of deflection. It seems like women receive correction better from a woman than a man & even then they may still have issue receiving it from their own kind (I've noticed that on these threads). Some women don't know how to keep it real with each other and instead co-sign sucker stuff. If I said the sky is blue and a woman said it's black, she'd get an entourage of other women co-signing even though I would be right. That's that bull right there. Whenever a woman says she'll change in her own time, fellas need to beware because that almost always means she has no intention of changing. Again, it goes back to my previous statement...Be careful who you choose as a mate; make sure they receive correction because it's no sense in you being about something and your mate don't want better for themselves. Any real man would appreciate the softer side of a woman, it's foolish not to. What man wants a woman to be a clone of himself? Not Richard. The issue is women want men to accept them with ALLLLLLLL their craziness but would women be able to accept a man's good & bad? Negative. Many women aren't strong enough to handle a man at his worst but expect him to take the good & bad of her. If you have a character flaw that is detrimental to the relationship and your man points that out, it would behoove you to make the adjustment. If he didn't care about you, he would leave you to your own demise. These are two of women's favorite sayings: If You Can't Handle Me At My Worst, You Don't Deserve Me At My Best and the other (this is their favorite): Take Me As I Am Or Watch Me Go. Those two ideologies are exactly why men and women will never be able to have a satisfying relationship. Men approach relationships from a linear/logical aspect...If I'm this, I want to attract this kind of woman and so on. If something's out of whack, he addresses it and the rest is on her. Make the adjustment or get gone. Women need to STOP trying to get men to be in touch with their emotional side. Men are not emotional, never have been and never will be.

Celebrating Wrongdoing

I'm piggybacking off  my August 30 entry titled "State Of Society Address". The more I go through life, the more disgusted at society I become because what was considered unacceptable back in the day is now acceptable. Forget about calling out foolishness because some people will call you narrowminded, intolerant for standing against wrongdoing. A FB friend posted the following status and it was on point: "This isn't going to be popular, but I really don't care! I don't think the problem with today's society is the "judging" of others, I think the problem is we've become too accepting of CELEBRATING sin/wrong doing! I'm really amazed at some of the behaviors people accept, celebrate, and pass onto future generations as, "the RIGHT things to do." Call it for what it is: evil is evil and good is good. I'm paraphrasing what the Bible says in regards to this blog: Woe is the world we live in where evil is considered good and good is evil. That speaks volumes to society's state. Don't speak out against foolishness or you'll get ostracized. That's the problem, many people lack a spine and co-sign immorality for fear of being disliked. I used to be this way but as I got older, I got to the point where if I lose so-called friends for speaking the truth, so be it. They won't be missed because a friend stands by you as you speak the truth, they will not co-sign sucker mess because they are your friend, family member, etc. Someone is even called judgmental if they speak against the things society accepts! So if I see something foul, I shouldn't speak up? Then when the situation gets out of hand, people want to know why nobody said something. When the right has become wrong and wrong become right you're looking at the current problem amongst our generation. Even in 2012 it's not ok to get drunk, gamble your savings away, fornicate, prostitute, deceive others, lie, cheat, steal, kill, be jealous of, hate on, commit adultery, commit idolatry, be selfish, mark your body up with tattoos, be homosexual, or anything else the Bible calls sin. Doing right is too much like work so in some people's minds, doing wrong is easier. It's all about temporary gratification but what many people don't realize is that the gratification is just that, TEMPORARY. When you make a deal with the devil, he will collect his payment. Now I'm not perfect by a long shot but I know right from wrong. That's enough to keep me from going down the wrong road. Obviously I must be living under a rock because I've never heard of divorce parties until I read a post where people were celebrating divorce. "Sometimes people fall out of love" False. People don't fall out of love, they weren't compatible from the start. When you get married, you are making vows to God and your spouse: For Better or Worse, Til Death Do Us Part, etc. People forget about that part. If you can't get through the good & bad times with your spouse, DON'T GET MARRIED. Falling out of love is an unacceptable reason to get a divorce. I'm not surprised at the craziness going on because we are living in the last days, so wickedness is turned all the way up.