GSRT Member Question:
I know the divorce rate is high. I know I took marriage vows that said until death do we part. However, my husband of 5 years has had 3 affairs since we've been married.
We went to counseling with our pastor; marriage counseling with a professional too. Now here we are and I just found out he had a one night stand when he was out of town at a conference last month. He always says he doesn't know why he cheats - that he loves me, our sex life is good, etc. He says he doesn't go looking for it, but if an opportunity comes his way he "makes bad decisions". Then he tries to say well, men are gonna be men sometimes. Whatever.
I'm done. I'm ready to end this marriage. My husband, our pastor and even our parents (they know what has gone on) are pressuring me to keep the faith and not throw my marriage away. I can't save this marriage alone and my husband continually does that same thing over and over.
Marriage vows or not, why am I wrong for wanted to call it at this point? How many times do you forgive and try to work on your marriage before you say that's it?
Answer: He's full of crap, and he knows it. He wants an excuse to continue cheating and expects her to take him back each time he blows it. "Sometimes, men are going to be men." If that's the excuse he's going with, then nothing he can say will make her love him like she used to. Only she knows what she can tolerate.
Her parents and pastor are not subjecting themselves to the possibility of STDs, while they are offering their 'opinion'. God knows her heart, and she shouldn't torture herself to maintain 'appearances'. A person can take so much disrespect until they reach the point of no return, and when they do; no amount of apologizing will change that. (S)he will forgive, but (s)he won't have the same love for you as before, and rightfully so. as before, and rightfully so. She must do what's best for her.
People who want her to stay in a situatuion in which she's repeatedly hurt and disrespected obviously don't care about her feelings, so why should she care how they feel? Her husband is not going to change, why would he if she's going to let other people talk her into staying even though he cheats on her? Why does he ever need to stop cheating if she's not going anywhere? Over the last 5 years she's shown him she'll take whatever he dishes out so she's fooling herself thinking he will change. The pastor is an idiot for even suggesting she puts up with his blatant disregard for her feelings. Going further, the first time he cheated..she should have been out the door. He figures he can cheat on her because he knows she'll be right there. She should leave, and never look back.
