State Of Society Address

With the state of society, I see why many parents choose to homeschool their children. You have the Radical Homosexual Agenda trying to push their filthy lifestyle on school children. No child should be exposed to that garbage. Real Talk. It seems like children have to be ready for war nowadays because of bullies, immoral ideologies that they may not understand, nor have the desire to. I'm understanding more & more why I'm reluctant to bring a child into this sorry world. What was taboo back in the day has become normal. Back in the day, everybody got jobs fresh out of high school and now you have unemployment (the rate is higher for black men). Some people have been unemployed for a year or more. You have people with Master's Degrees & Ph.D's that can't find jobs so what does that tell you? Something is seriously wrong. What's the use of going to school all those years and you can't get a job in your field? That defeats the purpose *shrug*. Greedy corporate executives, 1 in 88 children with autism, black on black murders, etc. I wish God would wipe us off the map and start over because this mess doesn't make no sense. If I had the power, NONE of the aforementioned issues with exist; forget this "real world" garbage. This so-called "real world" is the reason why society's in the shape it's in because what was taboo back in the day has become normal. The reality is that life was intended to be sweet but when Adam & Eve disobeyed God, THEIR disobedience caused all this craziness we hear & read about. Don't get me started on the divorce epidemic. Back in the day when something was broke, it was fixed. Men & Women understood COMMITTMENT. They married somebody based on who they were compatible with & not for their $$$ or good looks. Nowadays, most people aren't relationship material so it's better off they stay single for life because it's no sense in you being a great catch and attracting someone who's not about nothing. If you can't handle your spouse when all hell is breaking loose, YOU SHOULD NOT GET MARRIED. Simple As That. I understand what many elders are saying when they say things should be like they used to (minus the racial prejudice). At times I'm called narrowminded because I don't co-sign foolishness others support. Well, I'd rather live in the proverbial bubble than get infected by the disease of stupidity.



Judgement

People judge, that's a fact of life. No matter what you say or do, someone will have something to say. You can do something with pure intention and some fool(s) will take offense to it. Just because you don't care what people think doesn't stop them from judging you. The best thing you can do is be yourself and remember this: What others think is none of your business. It took me a while to reach that point, but I'm so glad I did. If I lived my life trying to please people, I would be in bad shape because everyone has different expectations. One person may be easy to please and the next one has a list of stipulations showing you how to gain their approval. The only person I'm trying to please is Jesus and by my progress, I'd say he's well pleased with me so that's all that matters. As long as you treat people respectfully, whether they like you or not is irrelevant. Some people aren't going to like you even if you haven't offended them; that's their problem and not yours. I've always prided myself on marching to the beat of MY own drum. I've never been one to follow what everyone else is doing, I like to stand out because in my opinion, the world is looking for individuals and not clones. I have to be real and mention that everyone to a certain extent cares what others think of them. Even God cares about how his people that are called by his name are represented. If people didn't care about what other people thought you wouldn't look appropriate for a job interview or when you go to church or a formal environment. For an interview, you're supposed to care what the hiring manager thinks by dressing appropriately because (s)he's the one that can hire or reject you. You want to put your best foot forward during the interview, but even then you should be yourself. You're not supposed to interview looking a hot mess, that's not a good look AT ALL. I think everyone would appreciate people judging them positively, it's when they are judged negatively that causes them not to care what someone else thinks. Someone's life is theirs, they can live how they see fit. If they ask me for wisdom, I'll probably share but let them know they can't get upset if I tell them what they need (not want) to hear. Even if they don't like what I have to say, I will still offer wisdom if requested. I like what someone posted on facebook in regards to a thread: You can't control what others think of you, any attempt at doing so is futile. For me personally, as long as I'm not endangering myself or others, it's none of anyone's business how I live my life. At the same time, I'm open to constructive criticism to help me become better.

Paying For Your Parents Mistakes

No parent wants their child going through what they did; every parent wants the best for their child (I hope) because there's nothing more satisfying than sending your child into the world to make his/her mark. Every parent wants to know that when their children grow up & leave the nest, they did a great job when they see their child. Due to genetics,  parents sometimes make foolish choices that they require and end up passing those negative traits to their parents. It wasn't intentional but due to genetics, kids usually inherit the good & bad of each parent. Everything I do, it's to benefit my family (should I have one) because I want to leave a legacy for my kid(s) to follow. Parents don't realize how much influence they have. Parents shape the course for how their children end up? Do some parents allow their children to act all manner of crazy with no repercussions? Yes. I'm also aware of parents who don't play with their children; whatever they say goes. Honestly, I would hate for my family  (should I have one) to have to struggle long after I'm dead & gone so that's why it's important to set a good example for the little ones to follow. I think the reason why most children end up paying for their parents mistakes is because the parents are too busy trying to be their child(ren)'s friend. It's ok to be your child's friend, but you are a parent first and foremost. There will be times where a parent MUST lay the smack down in order for his/her children to grow up responsible, productive citizens of society. If children can learn from their parents mistakes, that looks good on the parent because (s)he saw what mom & dad went through and the child doesn't want to make the same mistakes their parents did. Wisdom is learning from others' mistakes. No child should be sentenced to suffering based on what their parents went through. I do believe children inherit consequences by being a product of their environment; however it doesn't have to be a life sentence. The children must persevere and break the spell. In the matter of rewards for successes, some children will always feel entitled.

It's Good To Be Selfish

I used to think being selfish was bad but as I got older, I realized everyone is selfish to a degree. Those who say they aren't selfish are lying because no one can be generous 24-7. There comes a time where you must put yourself first because if you aren't at your best, you can't give anyone your best. No one wants leftovers because leftovers signal scraps. The original person got the good stuff and they left you with their scraps. I'm as thoughtful as the next person but I won't be used. If I get the idea I'm being played, THE END. Selfishness is only bad if you go around thinking the world revolves around you. You don't care if your actions harm others, all you're worried about is getting yours. You have the power to help someone but you choose not to because you don't see that person as worthy of your assistance. Selfishness can be bad if you don't help someone in need. No one has gotten where they're at on their own. I'm selfish (make no apologies) when need be. I want to give the best to someone and if I need to save for myself, so be it. Otherwise, I'm of no use to myself or someone else who is dependent on me to be at the top of my game. What's funny is people get upset when you cut off the gift because you saw they were using you. That's their problem, not yours. Allowing yourself to be used is not the move. It's when you've been used long enough that you decide to be selfish and not care about anything/anyone around you. That's understandable but at the same time, there are genuine people that really need help so to turn your back on them is foul. Everyone is not above being selfish because when it comes down to you or another person, 9 times out of 10 you will do what's best for you and yours.

My Vision

Seems like yesterday I've just debuted The Chill Zone. Since the website's existence, it has grown rapidly. 2308 views and counting. I was supposed to debut this website in June but a good friend suggested I get it up faster and I listened. Since my website has been up, over 2300 people & counting have viewed my website. I'm not going to break that number down but best believe I average double-digit page views daily. My blog website is my way of discussing life from my perspective: what I've seen, been through, situations my loved ones have been through. I also discuss subjects I'm passionate about and as time goes on, I'll start discussing issues that hit home for many people as well as myself. I want to take my talent as far as possible. I stumbled upon blogtalkradio.com and I'm extending my blogging into the blog talk radio. Having my own blog radio show, I reach a wider audience and people put a voice with my writing; it's a win-win for everyone (myself included). The money will be a by-product of my passion for blogging. My following is pretty strong as evidenced by my page views. I'm working on a way to increase my comments because I want to be on all cylinders: Lots of page views, engaging dialogue with respondents, etc. When I was on MySpace, I used to write everyday. Sometimes, I would write twice a day if I had a lot to say. For the past couple weeks, I've written 5 days because I've had much to say on various issues so that's going to continue. I feel like 4 days isn't enough so that's why I give my viewers 5 days of commentary. Periodically, I'll solicit topic suggestions on facebook so I can have something to speak on because the best writers experience writer's block. Even the best writers go through a drought where they struggle to find content. I don't want that to happen so periodically I'll solicit topic suggestions. Also I'll do a series on various issues as well so I can get to the root of why people do what they do and so on. I'm excited about my vision and look forward to how far God's guiding my talent. I've been writing long before I started school and that talent was evident in how I did well on English essay exams. When you have a talent, it shines through in all areas of life. My inspiration for blog commentary is the world around me and my experiences because if someone can be inspired by what I've seen, that makes writing worth it.

Beauty Vs. Money

A reply from CEO of J.P. Morgan to a pretty girl seeking a rich husband

A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:

Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?

I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here.

I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above.

You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York.

My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married?

I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you?

Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit.

If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden(?), $250k annual income is not enough.

I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches are only average-looking? I've met a few girls who don't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys.

4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)

Ms. Pretty

A philosophical reply from CEO of J.P. Morgan:

Dear Ms. Pretty,
I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor.

My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here.

From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain.

Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" and "money" : Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square.
However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year.
Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worse 10 years later.
By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a "trading position".
If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term - same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or "leased".
Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income.This has better chance than finding a rich fool.

Hope this reply helps.

signed,
J.P. Morgan CEO
 

This was so good I HAD to post. This should serve as notice to all golddiggers that looks won't cut it. She may be pretty but as stated in this letter, she won't stay that way. This is what I don't like about these kinds of women; they use their looks to weasel their way into a man's life and think that's all she needs to keep her. A real man like the JP Morgan CEO saw right through her and told her like it was. It may have been a little harsh but this woman needed to be brought down to Level 1. I respect this woman's honesty in admitting she's checking for rich guys, but like the CEO of JP Morgan stated, she would be a liability rather than an asset. This woman needs to get her priorities in order because no rich man with sound morals would get involved with her. Why should he? Most wealthy people got that way by making wise financial decisions and they're not going to let a golddigger bleed them dry. Wealthy people prefer relationships with those of equal financial status.

An Argument Is NOT A Conversation

Arguments and conversations are two different things. An argument is a heated debate whose sole focus is for one person to prove they are right. Arguments usually never get settled because both parties are trying to voice their side of the story. Throw in name-calling, cheap shots and you have yourself a knock-down drag out affair. A conversation is general dialogue between two people. Conversations can turn into arguments depending on the level of passion a man and woman have for the subject. Women seem to think that arguments are healthy; why that is I don't know. Women are used to dealing with their feelings & emotions so of course it's nothing for them to get into verbal altercations. Men don't like confrontation or arguments (for the most part) so a man will always choose the path of least resistance. If a man meets a combative woman, he exits stage left. Why would any man want a combative woman? That's silly. A man's peace of mind is precious and he shouldn't let anything/anyone come between that. Women feel that arguments are "HEALTHY" because it shows you care enough to tackle the tough issues. You can deal with tough issues in a rational manner without flying off the handle. It's when the discussion turns into screaming & hollering, cursing & throwing things that causes the man to walk out. A man is more likely to WANT to deal with issues if his woman presents them in a respectful manner, but if you bring him attitude, he will ignore you and rightfully so. A woman cannot talk crazy to her man and expect him to listen to her. I know for me, I'll let my woman know off top if she expects to get anywhere with me, she will talk to me like she has sense or I will ignore her. What I look like letting my woman talk crazy to me? Won't happen on my watch. Even if I'm wrong, I don't respond to attitude. All you have to say is "Richard, I didn't appreciate your comment or action." See how respectful that approach was? No belligerence involved. Let's be clear, arguments are healthy if they lead to resolution. Arguments ARE NOT healthy if both people refuse to hear each other's side and come to a mutual understanding. This goes for men & women: If you meet someone who's combative, it doesn't matter if everything else is in order, don't proceed further because that combativeness will be the downfall of your relationship.

Interracial Dating

Interracial Dating is no different than regular dating (at least it shouldn't be). Men & Women from different racial backgrounds come together with intentions of building a life together. There was a time where interracial relationships were unacceptable due to the prevalent prejudice back then. Thankfully, we have evolved since the 40's and 50's. I say love shouldn't have any boundaries. If you're feeling someone of a different race/ethnicity, great. Just make sure you're genuinely attracted to him/her and not just to fulfill some fetish you have for black men & women. That's that nonsense right there. Black Women are very loyal to their men. This loyalty goes back to slavery times where when black men were forced into slavery and the black woman was left to hold the family down. Personally, I appreciate ALL the loyal black women who ride for their black men even though some black men come up with nonsense reasons to date outside their race: Black women have too much attitude, argumentative, needy, overly opinionated, etc. There are bad apples in every race, not just black women and for some black men to generalize like that is foul. If you have successful black athletes, more often than not they are with a woman of another race because in their mind, black women are after their money. That may be true in some, but not all cases. You have black athletes who married beautiful black women. I heard a statistic that 78% of black athletes have black wives; 22% are with women of another race. This is my view on Interracial Dating: If you date interracially, make sure it's real. Don't date outside your race because you feel your race is this & that, but do so because you want to build a life with this person. I'll always have love for black women (not because I'm a product of one) because they understand us (black men) better. Granted, I'm open to the love of a good woman regardless of race/ethnicity but I'll always have a preference for chocolate women.

Giving Up Too Easy

A man seeks a woman he can make his wife. Before he can make her his wife, this man will do his due dilligence with this woman. He's going to take his time (hopefully) getting to know her in depth; finding out her outlook on life, where she sees herself 5 years from now, etc. As he gets to know her, she may or may not have mutual feelings. If she doesn't, the woman should make it plain to the man that she has no intention of pursuing anything further with him so he can break it off effectively. No sense in leading a man on. Depending on the man, he may or may not give up easy depending on how interested he is in her. If he's not interested in the woman, it won't matter if she breaks it off because one or both parties agree the relationship won't go anywhere beyond casual conversation. Who knows, the couple may make better friends. If he's really interested in pursuing the relationship with her, nothing's going to stand in his way of catching her. She can reject him 100000 times and that's not going to stop him from going after and eventually catching her. This kind of man knows what he wants and what he has to offer and is going to MAKE her feel him. I can't be mad at persistent brothers because they eventually get what they want. To an extent, I do believe some men & women give up too easy when a prospective mate says no. Remember, that man or woman makes up a miniscule number of the 6.3 billion people existing on Planet Earth. When someone says no, another person says yes; that's how I see it. If a man or woman has themselves together and they get rejected, that's their loss because they're missing out on someone special. From a man standpoint, some men don't focus on one woman because even though things are going great with their lady, some men are still looking for someone better. As long as things are going good with me & my lady, there's no reason for me to continue looking because I've already found my prize. Either he wants a relationship with her or not, there's no in between. He already knows where she stands, so he's not going to waste time waiting for her to change her mind. Because all men and women are different, giving up too easy can sometimes be hard to gauge. If I move forward, she could say I'm going too fast and if I step back, she could say I need to step it up. No matter what you do, it will never be enough so the best thing men and women can do is put their best foot forward and if that's not enough, move on. You have some people that make a person jump through several hoops in order to get to know them. I can understand if they've been hurt but if a genuine person WANTS to take away your hurt, let him or her. At least they want to heal you, which is more than what I and other likeminded men would do. A real man doesn't like an argumentative woman. Men prefer the path of least resistance and if he's just meeting a woman and there's an argument or obstacle, that's a red flag. That's a turnoff and will be dealt with by her getting served the walking papers. A man's peace of mind is important to him and any woman who threatens that is out the door. If she considers that giving up too easy, then yes he gave up too easy. He gave up on a lifetime of fussing/fighting and drama. In that case, he made the right decision to serve her the walking papers.

Double Standards In Breaking Up

There's no doubt in my mind that double standards exist in relationships. If a woman initiates the breakup, people sympathize with her and say she wasn't given enough attention, he wasn't right for her, etc. If a man initiates the break up, he's made out to be the bad guy: He cheated on, abused her or he couldn't love her unconditionally. The hypocrisy was laid on thick. When a woman breaks up with her man, she's not going to be truthful with her loved ones as to why the relationship went south (unless she's a woman of sound character). You will have women who fabricate bogus stories to save face with her friends and family as to why they are no longer together. These women tell their side, their way as to make themselves feel better but the truth of the matter is, deep down THEY know the real so it's just a facade which means the truth will continue eating away at them. The family co-signs her blindly without getting to the root of the breakup. When a lady leaves her man, in most cases he's able to keep it moving because in his mind there are plenty of fish in the sea. He's not going to care about an explanation as to why they didn't work out. Society has lied to women and told them they mature quicker than men,that's only during adolescent years and deals mostly with physical maturity. Adult women are as equally as immature in relationships as adult men. Women feel that men who initiate breakups are emotionally unavailable, which I disagree because a man with discernment can recognize when a woman isn't right for him. Once he realizes she's not the one, he will break it off and rightfully so. Men and women SHOULD NOT give their all to someone they won't be with long-term. (S)he may be able to love unconditionally but it's not going to happen with the (wo)man (s)he left as they were a temporary stop on the journey to finding their soulmate. Honestly, if a man or woman is that petty to fabricate a story to their friends and family to save face, it's a blessing the union didn't work out. They showed their ex their true colors so why stress over foul people? Double standards exist for every situation: A man sleeps with multiple women, he's a mack. A woman sleeps around, she's a ho. Very few people will admit their role in the relationship going south; it's her/his fault, they didn't do this, that and the third. It says a lot about a person when they admit their role in the relationship going south.

Hating On Another's Blessing

I never thought I would write on this very subject but after reading a friend's FB status, I have to address this. I expect jealousy from the world when you become successful but for Christians to get jealous of another believer's blessing & position is the epitome of flaw. If nowhere else, Christians should be able to celebrate each other's blessing but because Christians are flawed like everyone else, they aren't exempt from feelings of envy. There is no way anyone can make me understand this. Why be jealous of another's position & blessing? That's craziness because God is no respector of persons. What he does/did for one person, he can do for everyone. Everyone can enjoy God's blessings if they are faithful & obedient. The reason why some Christians seemingly are more blessed than others could lie in a believer's level of obedience & faithfulness. Some Christians do what God says with no objection (even if they don't understand the rationale). Your level of obedience is in direct proportion to your blessing. God has blessings & positions for all his children so in the end, it's futile to be envious of another believer's blessing. God's children are supposed to encourage each other, not be jealous because one believer has a greater blessing & position than another. God blesses his children how he sees fit. How God chooses to bless his children is his business, not ours. The sooner people learn this, the better. I think it's sad that God's people can't co-exist; there's probably more backbiting and gossip between so-called Christians than the world. How can Christians lead people to Christ and they're cutting up worse than the world? Shakes Head. It's behavior like this that I understand why the world thinks Christians are flaw because in their mind, they aren't living any differently so what incentive do they have to give their hearts to God? The reason why some Christians envy another believer's blessing is because THEY wish they had his/her calling. That calling may mean he/she is in the spotlight and some Christians want the fame & fortune of another believer. I can honestly say I have never been jealous of another believer's blessing because for one, that's flaw and two, I don't know what they went through for that blessing so I have to be happy for them. Seeing someone gets blessed keeps me motivated to know that I'm in line for my breakthrough.

Love

Love....a word that comes and goes like the wind. We all love in different ways. Some people show love through hugs and others show love by words. We all have our own definition of what love is but the general definition of love is a favorable action towards something or someone. What I can't understand is how people can throw the word love around like the mess isn't wrong. It's easy to love when things are going great but that love is tested when everything's falling apart around you. People attach love to objects, people, things, etc. You can like a certain thing but to have love for an inanimate objects is beyond me. You know what I think? I think people have selective love. They love someone when everything's lovely but when their spouse isn't acting lovable back, that love may go out the window. I'm the first to say that I will not enter a relationship if I can't love my lady in the good & bad. I would be wasting my time and hers. Many people don't think like that, they're looking out for Number One. It's good to look out for Number 1 but that's where people get mixed up. They forget others have standards, too. It's not about one person when it comes to love. Love is about sacrifice; do you give up something to make your spouse happy. For example: A man and woman go to the movies together and want to see a flick. She wants to see a chick flick and he wants to see an action movie. If he would have acquiesced to her, he's proven his love for her because he gave up his action movie for her. He had every right to say no, but because he cares about his woman, he agreed to watch the chick flick with the misses. The previous example showed love in a sacrificial manner.  I don't know too many guys that will watch a chick flick with their fiancee or lady. Honestly, love doesn't carry the same meaning it once did because people use the word carelessly. "I Love Ice Cream, I Love Cars, I Love Food, etc." You have people who love selectively, meaning they love when people are acting right but when people get to acting stupid, they withdraw or limit their love. Don't say you love someone & you don't mean it.

Dealing With Someone's Baggage

Everyone has baggage, it's just a matter of finding someone that cares enough to help you unpack. FALSE! Sensible people do not have baggage, nor should they have to take on someone's issues. Most baggage you created is by yourself. Before you think about getting involved with someone, leave your baggage at the terminal. Better yet, don't bring your baggage anywhere NEAR the terminal. Throw away your baggage where it can be lost forever. I'm aware that everyone is dealing with some type of issue but for me, it's not so much the issue, it's that they refuse to acknowledge the flaw and take corrective measures so they don't run a good man/woman off. Let's be real, nobody in their right mind would (or should) be responsible for another adult. I don't have time to do what her parents should've done, which is prepare her for life. I have issues I'm dealing with myself but the difference is...I recognize them and take corrective action. I want to be the best man I can be for my lady (whoever she is) and most of all, myself. I can't get older and not having grown from my 20's & 30's; that's sad. Women are good for this because they expect a man to deal with her problems but she's quick to check him on his issue. See the hypocrisy in this scenario? Why should a man have to deal with a woman's baggage but she won't deal with his? That's flaw to me and is one of the reasons why I'm single because a woman will not be my project; I will not take on the burden of fixing her up into the woman I want her to be. She should have herself together before I get involved with her. Once I get involved with a woman, it's full speed ahead. What I mean is that I want us to move forward as a couple and in order for us to move forward as a couple, ALL our baggage must be left at the terminal. It's not to say that we won't have issues as a couple because we will; it's just that the issues won't be as bad because we would have a long heart-to-heart discussion about our vision for the relationship. You have some men and women that take on their mate as a project, they work through each other's faults and with enough progress, their mate blossoms into the man/woman they were intended to be. A woman would have to be very special for me to overlook her baggage; those women do exist and require special care. I can work with a woman's baggage as long as she's willing to acknowledge her issue(s) and take corrective action. Here's the irony: Some women expect men to deal with their craziness but won't tolerate a fraction of his issue(s). That won't fly with me because I'll tell any woman off top: There's no shame in having baggage; the shame lies in using your baggage as a crutch to feel sorry for yourself.

Asking The Tough Questions

Why are couples afraid to ask tough questions in their relationship? I've never understood that. You're supposed to ask the hard questions to see where the relationship is going. I don't know about anyone else but if I get involved with a woman, I'm asking the hard questions off top (and I expect the same in return) because I want to see where her head is at. How you answer tough questions determines the relationship length. If one or both people beat around the bush, that says they aren't strong enough to tackle the hard issues in a relationship. If your partner gets offended when you ask them meaty questions, that's their problem. That's also a red flag that shouldn't be taken lightly. If I'm taking on a woman to be my future wife, wouldn't it make sense to ask the hard questions? I think so because you get a better understanding of who they are by their responses. If they aren't honest in their responses, chances are they won't be honest when it counts. I won't trust a woman that's afraid to ask me the hard questions and here's the catch...I EXPECT HER TO AND VICE VERSA. When a couple isn't afraid to ask the hard questions, that tells me their relationship will last because they are able to navigate the rough waters of life together. I was listening to Bishop Jakes "Before You Do" Series and he was spot on with his information. Asking tough questions requires 3 components: Research, Interrogate and Verify. When you want to know something about a person, you do investigative research into their background to get an idea of how their history has shaped them into who they are today. After you research, you interrogate him/her because you want to be sure you know what you're getting into before you proceed further. The verification is the last step in getting to know your mate because he/she is able to help you better understand them by clearing the air about any given information.



Meeting The Ex

I've thought it strange that a man/woman engaged or in a relationship with their mate would feel a need to meet their ex for dinner. Why? You and your ex didn't work out so THAT relationship should be left alone. Meeting an ex raises so many red flags that it could mean (s)he is trying to see if they still have a chance of reuniting or they could have unfinished business and need closure. You shouldn't have to meet your ex in order to get closure, the closure should've been received at the final conversation. There's too many red flags because your current mate could think you and your ex are still seeing each other even though you mentioned it's over between you two. Otherwise, there's no reason for an engaged or taken person to meet their ex for dinner. For example: A man and woman are engaged to be married, both are coming from previous relationships. Those relationships didn't give them the needed closure so they look up their ex's in hopes of receiving the necessary closure. The couple's exes keep their meetings on the low for a while but things start to fall apart: so-called working late, unusual clothing attire, etc. You can keep things on the low for so long before you're exposed so honesty is the best policy. Be straight with your man or woman that you're going to meet your ex for closure. They may be upset (rightfully so) and want to know why but as long as you lay it on the table that you need official closure from the previous relationship, they should be ok. If you're with your man or woman and you plan on building a life with them, your ex should be just that, YOUR EX. Whatever closure you did (or didn't) receive, let it go and focus on the present & future, not the past. If I'm with a woman, she's getting ALL of me. I'm not looking for closure from my ex because I'm thinking she's my ex, that's all the closure I need. Doesn't matter why we didn't work out, it's just that our bond didn't make it. That's ok because except for a select few, all relationships aren't meant to last.

Strength In Weakness

As humans, we project strength at all times (as we should). Nobody wants to be weak because in weakness you're not at your best. When you're not at your best, you can't focus like you normally do when you're at full strength. Weakness is synonymous with vulnerability. 2 Corinthians 12:9 (Message) states: ^7-10Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn't get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan's angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me: My grace is enough; it's all you need. My strength come into its own in your weakness. Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become. Easier said than done right? Of course. The hardest things are never easy, nor are they supposed to be. When you're born with good health & fortune, you should be thankful because there are people who are less fortunate than you that would trade places quickfast. Everyone should be thankful for good health & fortune, why would anyone want failing health and poverty? That's silly but unfortunately we live in a fallen world so these things are prevalent. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for people who are born blessed because they don't have to worry about anything for the most part. I believe when you're born flawless, you tend to be cocky because you've never had to go through anything, you look down on others less fortunate than yourself and most of all, you don't know how to relate to ALL people, especially those who didn't have the same start as you. I know it's tough to embrace weakness because as stated before, being weak is equal to vulnerability. You want to appear as though you have it together when on the surface it may be true but deep down, you're going through hell but you just don't want anyone to know. This is Richard talking: I know who and what I am, what I stand for. I march to the beat of my drum and I honestly don't care what other people think or say about me. If someone plays no major role in my life, I let their idiotic comments roll off my back like shower water. Are they paying my bills, putting clothes on my back & food on my table? Negative. It takes more strength to embrace your flaws than it does to celebrate your strengths.

Giving Your Best To The Wrong Person

Marvin's Motivational Moment: "Relationship Fact" Your best efforts will never be enough when your best efforts are being wasted on the wrong person. This was shared with me by a Facebook friend and it's in line with what I feel about relationships: Both men & women should take their time getting to know one another. In getting to know one another, you find out critical components of their personality such as their life outlook, ambition, spirituality, etc. If any of those are out of whack, proceed with caution. The reason why many people get their hearts broken is because they give their best to the wrong person. Why would you give your best to an unworthy person? That's crazy. If you're the person you want to attract then it would behoove you to be selective. Being selective ensures you attract the perfect person for YOU; that doesn't mean (s)he doesn't have faults, it simply means the person you picked up is suited to YOU. Your best efforts will be enough when they are used on the right person and when they are used on Mr(s) Right, that makes for a beautiful union. I don't know about anyone else but for me, I'm not giving my best to the wrong person. The reason I made that statement is because if I'm the person I want to attract or I'm working on becoming who I want to attract, why would I get involved with Ms. Wrong? That's silly. A woman isn't a project for me; I don't have time to fix her up to my specifications. If she's not on point for me and I for her, there's no need for us to be together. If more people used Marvin Sapp's relationship fact as a screening tool, everyone could find a compatible mate and there wouldn't be a need for failed relationships before he/she FINALLY gets it. When you give your best to the wrong person, you're destined for heartbreak, but when you give your best to the right person, your relationship will soar into the heavens. Not everybody is worthy of your best. Your best should be reserved for those who will reciprocate.

Standing Up For Righteousness

Unless you've been living under a rock, everyone has heard of the flak Chick-Fil-A COO/President has gotten for standing up for his belief. I applaud Dan Cathy for being one of the few Christian leaders that stood up for his belief. God's people are commanded to stand for righteousness and Mr. Cathy did just that. The comments that got him in hot water were as follows: "I think we are inviting God's judgment by telling God we know better than him what marriage should be about. We have such a prideful/arrogant view of marriage that gay marriage is simply a slap in the face of what God intended." Ok...I don't see the fuss in that comment because it was right on; God set marriage to be one man & woman and gay marriage is in violation of that. I'm not hating on gays & lesbians. They are people just like you and I but as a Christian, I can't & won't support gay marriage. Honestly, more Christian leaders need to grow balls and stand up for their beliefs but noooooo, they are shook by opposition so they keep quiet while foolishness reigns supreme. The Bible says wickedness prevails when the righteous do nothing. On a side note, I like Chick-Fil-A and eat there twice a year. I didn't read one hateful statement from Mr. Cathy, he was simply stating his belief that God designed marriage to be between one man & woman. It's funny how you're accepted when your views line up with the majority but when you speak out, you lose fame & fortune. I'd rather lose fame & fortune than co-sign foolishness. I have to sleep at night & I'd rather sleep good knowing I stood for right than co-sign foolishness just to be "in the clique" Not many people have Dan Cathy's backbone. They would stand for their beliefs in private but cower under pressure in public. Chick-Fil-A is a Christian-owned restaurant that has a 65-year history. They are open Monday-Saturday and closed Sundays so they can allow their employees to worship. It's crazy how God's people are called hatemongerers, homophobic, etc. when they stand for righteousness. I respect those who stand behind their beliefs in private & public, regardless of opposition. It takes guts to stand behind your beliefs in the face of brutal opposition. The irony of this controversy is that gays can push their agenda but when Dan Cathy and other likeminded people push theirs, those who stand for morality are called intolerant, hateful, bigoted, etc. Do you see the hypocrisy in this? If gays can push their agenda (even though many won't agree), then Christians should have the same right (which they do) and not be ridiculed for standing up for what's right.



Men Retreating From Their Lady

Every man wants their woman to hold him down in the rough times, right? Right. Who wouldn't want a man/woman that has their back when the going gets tough? The following question was posed to me by a friend: Why do men withdraw from women they are closest to when they're going through things, but find time to get on facebook? Is it because they are ashamed? My response was as follows: It can be due to shame but it has more to do with pride. Most men don't want to seem weak in front of their woman so they feel they have to be strong 24-7. If a man has to withdraw from his woman in order to get his mind right, that's what he will do. Many men don't want to burden their woman with his problems so that's why most men deal with their issue(s) on their own. When life gets rough (and it will), every man wants a lady that has his back. It takes a lot for a man to open up and when a man feels good about his woman to open up to her, she IS NOT to undermine him in any way because that could damage the relationship. Most women want a strong man (rightfully so) but the strongest men break down from time to time; it doesn't make him less of a man, it means he's human. Men deal with issues differently than women. If women have an issue, they usually talk it out with each other because women are used to dealing with their emotions. With men, it's the opposite. Depending on the man, he will deal with the issue(s) straight up and keep moving. You have some men that deal with problems by going away to clear their heads and that's fine; different strokes for different folks. If I'm in a relationship with my lady and I had a lot on my mind, my first instinct would be to bring it to God and then my woman, if I choose to. Once I get alone, I'm able to resolve most, if not all my problems because the solitude helps me sort things out. I feel it's at least common courtesy to say I need some alone time but dont just single one person out ESP when they are probably one of the few people that genuinely care about you. Everyone needs to be MIA at times in order to get their mind right. Not all the time do we need others to get us through. If a man doesn't feel comfortable telling his woman what's on his mind, that's a sign he needs to get rid of her.

Men Vs. Women: Submission To God

When it comes to hearing from God, women blow men out of the water. I'm being honest. That's not to say that men don't hear from God because they do..it's just that women are more in tune with God because in many families, women are the prayer warriors. They are the ones seeking God on behalf of their family. As much as I appreciate all the prayer warrior women, men need to step their game up. After all, the man is supposed to be the spiritual leader and a spiritual leader takes on the responsibility for those under him. If a man is the head like God ordained, HE'S the one that should be the prayer warrior for his family, not his wife. Another thing I've noticed is that women are more likely to surrender to God because they know he knows what's best. Men will fight tooth & nail with God until they get to a point where they allow God to do his thing. Until now, I've never understood why men have a harder time surrendering to God. Is it ego/pride? Yes, among other things. When a man surrenders to God, he acknowledges he doesn't have all the answers. That is the hardest thing for a man to do is admit he doesn't know everything. Men want to feel like they have the answers for every issue that comes up and if they don't, they feel inadequate. Women don't have this issue because they are secure in themselves to know they can count on God for things they don't understand. Men need to realize that God knows all, and they can come to him for answers to life's many challenges. The revelation a man gets from God, he can pass down to his family. If anything, a man's wife will have a deeper appreciation for him because he took time to seek God for wisdom on how to be the man for his family that God called him to be. Much of what God does falls on the man. Women may surrender first but when a man surrenders to God, amazing things happen! A God-fearing man is a force to be reckoned with.