You can read countless studies about how more men & women are opting not to get married for whatever reason. Either the opposite sex is not marriage material or if a couple is living together and things are going good, why fix what's not broken? I think more men are seeing less of a benefit for marriage because many divorces are initiated by women so what's the point of tying the knot? That's just one of many factors. Another factor that contributes to men seeing less of a benefit for marriage is that most married men aren't happy...wife is a nag, sex life is nonexistent and although they may love their woman, some of them regret getting married. As I've mentioned in a previous commentary, many couples are opting for cohabitation and in most cases, couples that shack up are more happier without marriage constraints. If a cohabitating couple wants to call it quits, they can do so without the financial/legal hassle of divorce. The man/woman you thought was right for you could turn out to be Mr(s). Wrong and then what? Either you work through the rough times or call it quits. Let's be real, everyone meets a man/woman with the intention of growing old with him/her and when the rough times come (and they will), that love is surely tested in ways that'll bring both parties to the edge of the cliff. Besides, I don't hear a dearth of women running saying they want to get married by their actions. Most seem to have a child or two by twenty five, say they don't want more kids but they are waiting on Mr. Right. Really? Really. Something else that came to mind as I was pondering this subject is that marriage involves putting the other person above yourself, and that's the issue most people have. While you SHOULD go into a relationship expecting the other person to fulfill your needs/wants, most men & women forget that the other person has needs & wants. It goes both ways. Marriage is a union that so few seem to understand. Society have created power hungry individuals with no real sense of purpose and until the "me first" mentality is dropped, there's no need to marry.
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That is soooo true! What ever happened to taking care of one another? Selfishness was a problem in my marriage. In my opinion, he wanted me to give everything by I felt that I wasn't getting anything back. I had to withdraw from taking care of him to take care of me. When he started getting neglected, it became a huge problem. When it gets to the point where your emotional survival is at stake, what are you to do. Your instincts take over and you live in survival mode. I lived that way for years. All I could do is take care of me and my kids even though I was married. My entire marriage was very lonely. He didn't want to do the things I wanted to try even though I would do just about anything for him just to be around him. I have an excuse to be lonely now that I'm single but no married person should ever say that they feel emotionally alone. I get it now when women are told to make sure he loves you more than you love him. I can't say that I agree with that sentiment but I totally understand it. I prefer feelings to be as mutual as possible and for as much reciprocity as possible.
ReplyDeleteYour response is marvelous. You are a phenomenal woman, never let anyone tell you different. You did what was best for you at the time. If he wasn't giving you what you wanted & needed, you were right to cut him loose. No woman is obligated to give her all to a man that doesn't reciprocate and vice versa.
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