No relationship is immune to conflict. I wish it were true (which I think it is, to an extent) but because people are different, there will be conflict. With people being different comes different outlooks, views, theories, etc. I'm a believer that you learn more through opposing viewpoints because it's in opposition that you are forced to think outside the box, that maybe conflict isn't so bad after all. The most creative solutions have come through conflict. The best relationships are not immune to conflict (though at times, I wish that were the case) but my issue is whether conflict is TRULY necessary in order to have a successful relationship. I think you can have a successful relationship if boundaries are set from the beginning about what will & won't work, dealbreakers, accountability. As long as you have those things, you should have a drama-free relationship; doesn't mean life won't hit you out of the blue from time to time, just that when the rough patches come (and they will), everything will be in place in order to nip it in the bud quickly and move on. I agree & disagree with the statement that you have to have disagreements/arguments in order to have a good relationship. As long as the couple have a clear understanding, that should be enough. Agree to disagree and move on. The only way conflict breeds understanding is if the parties respect each other's stance, and if necessary admit being wrong. The problem with many relationships is that people don't want to admit they're wrong because it makes them look weak. What separates me from the rest is I'm not too proud to admit being wrong. Best of all, I will care less how it makes me look to the other person because as I always say "I don't live to please people." People are too busy trying to win or be right that their pride gets in the way of what could be a beautiful relationship.
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It can if both are willing to listen to each other and understand each other. I've had many cases where this has happened- mostly with the ex. I had to woosahhhh and trust he knows what he's talking about even if its in his own head. Breathe and listen. Lawd knows I want to argue but I maintain control. Once I let it sink in, I clarify and all seems to be well. :)I heard someone say agree to disagree until you come to some type of agreement. That means that this will be an ongoing process until the relationship reaches a balance. For some, that is past the 7 year mark if work is put in. It takes time and patience with one another to get to that point. If I ever decide to do it again, I do believe that I will work so much harder. I realize that I have so much power. I have to use that power correctly though. I felt like I didn't have power at all.
ReplyDeleteYou said a mouthful on the subject of pride. Being right doesn't make a person a winner when it comes to a relationship. You're right but how does your man or your lady feel when you are responsible for contributing to their happiness?
Happiness should never be dependent on another person, EVER. You are responsible for your own happiness; doesn't mean your man/lady doesn't play a part but they aren't the sole reason you should have joy. What if they change for the worst and start mistreating you? You're stuck looking crazy because you were so dependent on this person for happiness that you can't stand this side of them.
DeleteThat's why I said contribute not make. You can't make a person happy. Either they decide to be happy or they don't but people can greatly contribute to someone else s happiness just by treating them well. You are correct that people can and do change once they think they have you. That is a great reason to not give the responsibility of your happiness to someone else.
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