Relationships: Don't Apply If You're Not Ready

 

When I'm on Facebook, I see a lot of photos about relationships. The one that comes to mind is Relationships are like a job, don't apply if you're not qualified. When I think about it, it makes perfect sense. Relationships are like a job interview: One person plays the hiring manager and the other is the prospective employee. The prospective (wo)man is auditioning for the role of significant other. (S)he is asked questions about past relationships, moral character, etc so the chooser has a good idea of how they are. If more people approached relationships from an employment standpoint, there would be a lot more successful relationships. Pre-screening is the key. Look for keywords in their character because the keywords will tell a lot about them. Most times, you don't have to interrogate a person because they will usually let you know who they are right off the bat. They will tell you straight up about themselves. It's up to YOU to determine if you can look past their shortcomings. The old adage is tried & true: What You See, Is What You Get. In relationships, this couldn't be more true because if a person lets you know who and what they are, you have no right to be upset if they aren't up to your standards. THEY told you the real about themselves, and you didn't have the discernment to exit stage left. Many people enter relationships without pre-screening their potential mate, then wonder why the relationship went south. I'll tell you why: They didn't do their due diligence on their desired mate. (S)he may look good, but what else? Will they stay on your team when you hit a losing streak? Are they willing to help you build instead of tear down? Tough questions need to be asked in order to get to know someone. How a person responds to tough questions speaks volumes; their answers show you may have a keeper because they are committed to you through thick & thin. It's easy to discuss your strengths; everybody can do that. It's the weaknesses that gets folk jammed up.

Frustrated: Black American Men In Brazil

 

 

Various people have mentioned how American black women are the least desired among races. Whether that's true or not remains to be seen, because I haven't experienced much of what others are talking about. Why is that? I avoid drama queens at all costs, so it spares me from their venom. There are undesirables of all races, not just black women so why are black women being singled out? This documentary sheds light on how many black American men are flocking overseas to Brazil because in their eyes, Brazilian women respect them & don't come with the baggage that American black women do. Again, I've never experienced bad women because I don't give them a chance to infect me with their poison. First offense, I'm gone. I don't have time to love a woman through her nonsense. My peace of mind is far more important than loving a woman through her rough times. If Black American men find love in Brazilian women, more power to them. I like to see happy couples in love, because that gives me hope in knowing that as long as I keep working on myself, the right woman will come along, and bring the best out of me (and vice versa). Many black men have valid reasons for going after Brazilian women, but sometimes it's an excuse. You know, some black men want a woman that says how high when he tells her to jump. Most black women aren't going for that controlling behavior, so they put up resistance. Black men don't like this, so they throw their hands up at sisters and leave them in the dust. Granted, no man wants a combative woman (I don't), but at the same time, many women have a problem with submission to an upstanding guy. He can be honorable & of good moral character, and some women still won't submit to his leadership. Simply put, men need to choose women that are a great fit for them. If he's laid back, choose a laid-back woman. If he's strong, choose a strong woman that will lift him up when he's down. Problem Solved.

Women's Financial Independence=Lifelong Single?

Women are making major moves everywhere you turn. Women are gaining on (and probably surpassing) men in the executive realm. More women are getting college education at a higher rate than men, etc. It's safe to say that women are getting it in across the board. Is women's financial independence sentencing them to lifelong singledom? That seems to be the case, since most women remain unmarried by choice. It's a given most people want someone who's on their level, nothing wrong with that. I'm making major moves myself, and I want a woman that's on my level. I don't have time to "carry" another adult. They should be able to make their own way the same as I'm doing. It used to be the men who were movers & shakers, but the tide has turned with women doing it big. In my opinion, it's some men's inability to be successful that's the problem. Everyone should have the drive to want to better themselves, but some people are content in mediocrity. I have one life to live, and I'm going to make the most of it. When I'm on my death bed, I want to say: I came, saw & conquered. In layman's terms, I want to go out in style. I admire a woman who can carry herself as a lady, and achieve her goals she set for herself. Independence is not a bad thing, it tells me she is mentally in tune with her affairs and takes care of all of her necessities: financial, family, and spiritual. That's the type of woman all men should seek to stand by their side when they need a strong right hand. Most successful men seek out a likeminded woman because she compliments him & vice versa. They can work on building a dynasty together. Where the problem lies is some successful women try to strong-arm a man into doing her bidding, because she makes more $$$ than him. See, she wouldn't pull that on a man who has his stuff together because he can flip the script on her, letting her know he's got options too.

Am I My Brother's Keeper, Pt. 1

 

Great commentary by Tommy Sotomayor. He talks about the statement "Am I My Brother's Keeper". Are we our brother's keeper? That depends. If you're doing well for yourself, and your sibling(s) is trying to get to your level, you have a responsibility to help them come up. After all, you know what it's like to struggle for a better life. You can share valuable insight with your sibling(s) that will help them do just as well, if not better than you. At the same time, we really aren't our brother's keeper because too many of us are out for self. "I Got Mine, You Get Yours" is the mentality of most people. It makes sense because everyone should make their own way in life. At the same time, if two siblings grow up in the same house with the same parents; one is going down the wrong path, and the other is doing very well for themselves; the one sibling going down the wrong path CHOSE that road. (S)he could've taken the same path as their sibling, but they didn't, so they expect for the successful sibling to take him along. Look at Lebron James, several black men hang out with him regularly based on his fame & fortune. If the money well dries up, these same men scatter like roaches. What moves are Lebron's posse making on their own? *Crickets* Chris Rock is another example, his brother is Tony Rock. You never see them doing material together, why is that? Most regular successful people and celebrities with siblings feel their siblings would undermine them, so that's why they choose not to bring them on. You can't blame some people for not wanting to work with family, because family can be your biggest downfall; always looking for a handout instead of getting it like you did. If you've made it and your sibling is struggling, you know they're trying their hardest to come up, but can't catch a break, you have an obligation to look out for them. We should be our brother's keeper, but we're not.

Black Men..It's Your Fault Pt. 2

 

This is a continuation of Black Men..It's Your Fault Pt. 2

 



Black Men.. Its Your Own Fault Pt 1

 

Tommy GOES IN on black men with this one. Many times, black men point the finger at black women, but forget for every finger they point, several are pointing back at them. It's easy to blame someone else for your shortcomings, harder to own up to them. Why? Because that's too much like right. It's too much for someone to admit "I take responsibility for this, that & the other" or "I contributed to this negative event". My thing, people don't want to appear weak; they don't want to be vulnerable, because that would mean admitting (s)he isn't perfect. You're not supposed to be vulnerable with the wrong people, I get that. There are nasty people that will use your information against you, so you have to use discretion in what you reveal. Many of our challenges, we bring on ourselves. It's no different with black men. If black men want to solve many of their dilemmas, all they need to do is the reverse. Simply put, flip the would-be dilemma into a positive event. See how easy that is? Nooooo, some black men deflect just as much, if not more so than women. YES I SAID IT! Black Men are guilty of deflection just like women are. The first time a man lays down with a woman, and she gets pregnant; the first thing he says is "That Baby isn't mine" or "She offered the cookies and I ate" Just because someone offers, that doesn't mean you have to accept. Looking at the state of black men, many of them have NO RIGHT to call themselves kings. Think about it: exterminating each other in record numbers, fill up prisons, less likely to graduate college, etc. Are those behaviors kingly? I THINK NOT. A King conducts himself in the highest fashion; he has very high moral standards, because others are looking up to him. So black men, if you're going to refer to yourself as king, make sure you act as such.

Willing Participant

Nojma Reflects

Monday

Why is it that women want me to talk about the lack of discipline that men have, all these babies that they are making, and all these women they are "running through", but get upset when I make a point to say that same lack of discipline also resides in women, because how else would a man be able to make all these "babies" if all these wombs weren't available to him? How else would a man be undisciplined, unless he was dealing with an undisciplined woman? How else would men be able to run through women, if women weren't passing their wombs like batons in a track meet? I mean really. If you want to know why all these men are able to do all those things, instead of asking them...why not ask the WOMEN that allow it by giving these men permission? I just love how I am told that Women are the source of everything, how we are the life force, you know all the stuff that makes being the source sound good, until I use this situation as an example, then all of sudden we aren't the source of everything lol. Which one is it? You can't be the source when it's admirable and convenient, but want to run when being the source places you in a less than favorable light.

 

My View: I've said it before, and I will say it again. People do what you allow. There's always a willing participant, someone who offers the opportunity and a taker. Always have been and always will be. If men weren't going to the coochie bank, the woman's womb would have to shut down. Just like businesses can't survive without customers, the source can't survive without a willing participant. Women are the source of everything, life included. A man will always go as far as a woman lets him. It baffles me that women get upset when one of their own calls them out, but think nothing of it when they let men run up & through them. Some women should be upset at these men who hit & run. A real man seeks out a disciplined woman. A disciplined woman respects herself enough to give it up to the right man. It's like a used car: The more mileage, the more problems that vehicle will have. It's the same with some women, the more men they let in HER house, the more these men are going to eat her out of house & home. Sooner or later, she will have nothing left to give to a good man who comes into her life. The bitterness she carries as a result of feeling used; she expects future men to pay for her mistakes. If a woman chastises one of her own, it's out of love & respect. She respects her fellow sister enough to want the best for her. She doesn't want her fellow sister to become a statistic. If some women want to be treated as sperm banks, let them.