Grown & Sexy Facebook Challenge

Tuesday, I posted the following status: Some of you need to stop with the Grown & Sexy Challenge because you look & act nowhere near grown. The Grown & Sexy Challenge is where grown (wo)men post pictures of them taking care of business: Going to work & school, taking care of children, cooking, etc. Some of the Facebook photos I've seen are hilarious, and others I can vibe with. I applaud (wo)men who are handling business, that's what they're supposed to do. In my opinion, advertising that you're doing what you're supposed to do is attention seeking. You're seeking a round of applause for doing what you're supposed to do, be responsible. However, a lot of people participating in the Grown & Sexy Challenge need to have several seats. True grown folks don't need validation, they fly under the radar; their actions speak louder than words. If they get noticed for taking care of business, great. If not, that's fine too. Their validation isn't dictated by how many likes or comments they get for participating in this Grown & Sexy Challenge. One thing about Facebook is you learn a lot about people, sometimes more than you want to know. Some people put their lives on Facebook, and get upset when people judge them. I'm a very private person, so I will never post personal drama on Facebook. When you put your business online, you open yourself up to judgment. I'm hoping this Grown & Sexy challenge is just a facade because some of the participants wouldn't qualify in a real event. If you claim to be grown & sexy, it shows in your character. Being Grown & Sexy is more than just looks, it's a way of life.

Men Are Afraid Of Committment

Women say men are afraid of committment, and it's true. Men are afraid of committing to a lifetime of aggravation. If a man sees a potential problem woman, he will cut her loose before she has a chance to poison him. By poison, I mean picking arguments for no reason. Think about it: From the time a man steps outside the door, the world is against him. He's got to deal with issues from his job, family, child(ren) (if he has any), etc. A man wakes up having to do battle, so the last thing a man wants is another fight with his woman. I mentioned this in a previous Facebook stat for women, but it applies to men: Home should be your one place of escape from all the craziness of society. If a man can't have peace in his own home, where can he have peace? A man has no problem committing to a good woman because he knows she will be his refuge. She will be the one getting him back on track if he slips, and she will admonish him in love if he starts acting foolish. The only woman a man won't commit to is a Jezebel.

Destiny Bennett-Whiteside Ok, if that's the case then why do some men waste his and the woman's time if they feel she is going to bring him a lifetime of aggravation?

My answer: Many men are too busy trying to save some of these reprobates. Most men are caught up in her curves and cute face, that they forget to look deeper. That involves observing her character. What's her heart like instead of what's her booty like? Men are visual creatures, it's in us to be drawn to a shapely woman. The difficulty for a lot of men is looking past her shapely figure and getting to know her. How does she treat loved ones? Do her colleagues speak higly of her? Does she have common sense? How's her relationship with her father? Just like a man's mother is the first woman in his life, a woman's father is the first man in her life. If her and dad aren't on good terms, that could be a problem because she won't know how to appreciate the man in her life. Her dad wasn't a good example of how a man should treat a woman, so she will repeat that in her relationship with her boo. She's going to make her man pay for how her father treated her growing up, and that's not right. Whenever a woman says "men are afraid of committment", always consider the source. Many times, she's coming from a place of hurt.

 

Secret Lover

 

Strawberry Letter: My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years now, and of course every relationship has its ups and downs. In my case, it’s more downs than ups, but I’m one never to give up if there's potential. During the course of our relationship, one of his closest friends approached me on Facebook, and I chose to ignore him the first time. Some months go by and he approached me again, but this time I responded and we’ve been inseparable ever since. Now that things are in full effect, I’ve fallen deeply for this man. I’ve started to ignore my relationship and even worse, sometimes not coming home and spending weekends with this man. We’ve talked about leaving our significant others, but that was a one time discussion, so I figured it was just wrong timing. The "I Love You" word recently surfaced and I’m lost on what road I should take. I’m not happy with the person that I’m with, nor am I happy that my Secret Lover has not made a decision. We are slightly distant now since I dread the break up word. What should I do?

 

She wasn't lying when she said every relationship has its ups & downs, because they do. I'm a firm believer that if a relationship has more downs than ups, it's time to end the relationship. Why continue staying in a dead-end relationship where both parties aren't happy? Contrary to what many people think, the purpose of a relationship is to build a life with someone. Part of building a life with someone involves being happy with that person. You look forward to waking up next to them every morning; you can't stand being apart from them for longer than 30 minutes, etc. I don't care what anyone says, relationships require a level of committment & HAPPINESS in order to thrive. It's ridiculous to stay in a relationship where you're not happy with someone, yet many people do. It sounds like this woman has already checked out of her relationship: She doesn't come home and spends weekends with this other man. Your relationship is pretty much over when a couple acts like strangers. Given her feelings toward her current man, I can imagine their lack of interaction. At least when a couple is arguing, there's interaction because both people are committed to working through their issues. When a (wo)man feels more comfortable with another (wo)man than her own, something's wrong. I think she should break up with her man. There's no sense in her staying with someone she's not happy with. The other man hasn't made a decision because he's waiting for her to end her current relationship. No man wants to compete with another man for a woman, he's going to wait until she's available and move in.



You Ain't Ready: By Trina Rogers

Trina BabyTee Rogers

Some people just aren't ready to make moves to live up to your expectations. Trying to force someone into a situation that isn't their choice can have explosive consequences. You can't convince someone s/he would be a good husband/wife just because you want to get married and settle down. The direction of your life can't revolve around what you think someone else should do or be because it would benefit you. You'd be better off making sure you live up to your expectations of yourself first. If they're not ready to make moves, it could be because what you show them about you....You Ain't Ready!

From time to time, I like to showcase writing from my Facebook friends. Basically, people will make moves when they're ready. You can't force someone to move when you say move or that'll cause resistance. Take the husband & wife example. One spouse pressures the other into marriage when the reluctant spouse may not be ready. Maybe they see something in you that they don't like, and would rather exercise caution before they jump up and marry. Marriage is a serious responsibility not to be taken lightly. Why do you think the divorce rate is so high? Many couples rushed into marriage without taking the time to get to know one another. You're talking about spending the rest of your life with this person, so there's no way you can know in 6 months-1 year if (s)he is for you. When it comes down to it, a lot of people "aren't ready". Some take longer than others to get ready, but when they do...it's smooth sailing.

The Problems You Share Can Be A Blessing For Others

The problems you share, can be a blessing for others. I posted that status just now, and it makes sense. Ever since Adam & Even sinned against God, life has been full of problems for many people. You have people who were dealt a bad hand from birth, and others who started life with good fortune and life has been good for them since then. It's sad, but life isn't fair. If Adam & Eve never disobeyed God, I truly feel that life would be lovely for EVERYONE. There would be no unemployment, sickness & disease (disabilities included), crime, war, etc. If someone's born with good fortune, hopefully they're appreciative of their good start in life because there's always someone ready & willing to take their place. Scenario: A couple wants to have 2 children, but both parents have a history of Tourette's Syndrome. Anyone who struggles, has struggled or has a loved one with that condition knows how serious it can be. Because disabilities are hereditary, there's an over 80% chance of this couple's children inheriting that disorder. 

They forge ahead with their decision to have their children, when something miraculous happens: Both children are born healthy, even though the doctors said their children would inherit the disorder. That's nothing but GOD. There are couples who are under so much stress from taking care of special needs children. Looking at a person who's conquered great odds to become successful, I think that person would appreciate their prosperity more because of what they've gone through to get to their destination. Even though someone was born with good fortune, I'm sure they appreciate their blessed life because of how their (grand)parents paved the way. I read so many Facebook posts from hurting people, and it makes me appreciate how blessed I am. Blessed that I don't have worse issues than some people, blessed that I can take my issues to the Lord and leave them there. Some people don't have the comfort of talking to God about their issue(s). 

Head Of House: Do Finances Play/Should they play a part?

If a man's the head of house, he's the HEAD. That means he's the leader financially, spiritually, emotionally, etc. I will never comprehend how a man can call himself the head of the house and his woman makes more than him. Finances play a part in who's head of house, whether people like it or not. Money equals power. Whoever makes more, usually has more say-so in purchases and overall operations of the home. Finances are one of the top causes for divorce, and the minute a married couple has a fight, one of them (we know who) is quick to throw out how much more they make. Even if a woman does make more than her husband, she should respect his authority in the home. If he's a responsible decision maker, and considers the family before he makes the final decision, then in my book, he's still the head. No matter how good a woman is, some men will always be insecure about their lady making more than him. That shouldn't be, but it's true. If a (wo)man is quick to throw up in their mate's face how (s)he makes more, they were waiting for a reason, and the argument is the perfect time to go for the jugular.

Scenario: I make 100k a year, my wife makes 40k... i'm paying the bills and managing the household off of those funds.. She respects my decision making on the purchases and how I'm running the house. After 5 years, I lose my job because of budget cuts; she has been promoted and now makes 80k.... I'm getting unemployment. I'm still the same responsible decision maker I was 5 years ago, but now her job is bringing in the most money. Because I was making good decisions and had the respect of my family then, doesn't make me lose my credentials because she is making 80k, I will continue to make the same decisions, but my money won't be there because I lost my job. A loss of income doesn't make you lose your place in your household. As long as I have a history of responsible decision making, then I would be ok with my woman making more than me, while I still lead responsibly. I would do everything in my power, plus more, to get back on my feet. I couldn't be ok with my woman shouldering the financial load of the family. What if something happens to her to where she can't work?

The Steve Harvey Morning Show: Strawberry Letter - My Husband Loves His ...

Some of these men are smooth operators. Women giving out money, assisting in grocery shopping, etc. The game has changed. This couple has been married for 19 years and the wife is slighted because her husband's female friends are showing him a little too much love. His days are free because he works at night. This guy is smart...he said "I was raised by a single mother, and aunt so all I've been around was women." If I ever (which I won't) think to pull this on my woman, I'm going with this excuse. It worked for him, why wouldn't it work for me? His story seems to be common among most men: Grew up around women so he has a valid reason for being overly loving towards female friends. When a man takes a woman to be his wife, his woman is priority #1; everything else 2nd (with the proper exception of Jesus). He may not have given his wife a reason to mistrust him, but other women doing for him raises red flags.

Women know women, and men know men. Women know when another woman is trying to push up on her man. Very few women, if any, would tolerate another lady trying to take what's hers. Think about it: Another woman is doing things for a married man that the wife should be doing. These women are getting more bold by the hour. I smell competition between the wife & these other women. From a man's perspective, Steve brought up a good point: No man in his right mind would turn down things that another woman is paying for, let alone do for another woman without expecting a return on investment. Any married man would have a problem with his woman receiving money from another man, because that would make him (the married man) think he can't take care of his woman. A man prides himself on being able to care for his lady. If the script was flipped, he'd be calling for her to sever all ties with her guy friends.

He may or may not be cheating on his woman, I don't know. The wife has good reason to feel the way she does, and if I'm him...to avoid any drama, I would just keep contact professional between these women friends of his.