Ball Til You Fall

While I was on Facebook yesterday, I read an article about a woman who won $10 million & was broke within 5 years. Chances are, she did the following: Went on a shopping spree, took expensive vacations, hooked up so-called "family & friends", and the list goes on. To be honest, $10 million isn't a lot of money considering what's left after taxes. If you win $10 million dollars, you're left over with $5-$6 million after taxes. From there, so-called "family & friends" come out of the woodwork and you decide to break them off a little something, then you go on vacations and buy luxury clothes & cars. You're lucky to have $2 million left over, if that. If you're fiscally conservative like myself, I'm thinking of how to grow that $10 million. I may want to leave that money to my family should something happen to me, but I digress. Khrystle Nichole (a Facebook friend) posted a real quote (I'm paraphrasing): "If you want someone's true colors, give them liquor and a large sum of money". Then, wait for it...wait for it.

She's right. Alcohol & a large sum of money is truth serum. If you want to find out a lot about a person, give them a large monetary amount and alcohol and watch the truth flow like rivers of living water. I have a theory as to why some people ball til they fall: They're not used to having anything, so when they get a little change, it flows out just as fast as they got it. Going out and buying homes, luxury clothing and vehicles, etc; that's all crazy to me. From time to time, I comment on threads asking "What would you do if you won millions of dollars?" I always respond with: Tithe 20% to my church (10% off the top, the other 10% as an offering.), invest a portion, and set up a trust fund for my nieces. I don't need to take lavish vacations or buy luxury cars because those things don't define me. I will say this much: If God sees fit to bless me with multi-millions of dollars, I will bless those who God lays on my heart to bless. Those who I knew since day 1, they'll get a little something, but other than that, I wouldn't do anything different than what I do now.

This whole "Ball Til You Fall" mentality that people have when they win the lottery is exactly why many people end up broke within 5 years, and some sooner than that. They're not used to having money, they attract the wrong crowd, and they're overcompensating in some way because a lot of people who came into millions of dollars, have come from nothing. They're not trying to go back to poverty, so in some way I understand why they ball til they fall. They want to have fun, even if it's for a little time.

Punchanella: By Nojma Reflects

This one is for all the Punchanella women. You want to do everything a man can do? You believe you can do everything a man can do? Ok. Protect yourself. Secure yourself. Don't look for a man to assist you at all. Don't worry about chivalry and a man opening doors. You got it Babygirl...open your own door.

You're struggling with boxes or groceries? Figure it out on your own. Pay your own bills. You on a date? Pay for your own meal. Better yet..pay for HIS. Don't look for your neighbor to come take a look at a leak coming from your car. You got this! Tire blown out on the high way? Tell that Black Man that asks you if you need any help....no sir I have it handled. 

This foolishness comes from women. Talking about we are equal. Can a man give birth? That's an example of inequality right there. How many men do you hear say man I wish I could give birth. I want to know what a contraction feels like. The hypocrisy of it all is that if we heard a Brother say I want to be like a woman...we'd call him a punk. 

That's why I posted about femininity. Too many of us are trying to dabble in masculinity. Our voices are sounding all gruff and heavy. We have become very aggressive. We will actually try to run up on you and go toe to toe with you like we're men. We don't understand how to be soft and delicate. We want to be so hardcore. That's automatic man repellent! 

We are so busy trying to be men that we are missing out on the essence of our womanhood. We want to race and beat you to the finish line. Hell, our enemy already gave us a head start. Instead of holding hands and running together we'd rather mock you and cross that line by ourselves. Talking about we won. Lies! We are LOSING! Us and our faux victories. Majority of our households ran by Single Mothers. ..does that sound like a bunch of winners to you? Our Boys left behind and are failing academically. ..does that sound like winning to you?

Wait. What am I thinking? Yall ain't playing for the home team. You're on the starting line up for our enemy...vying for the coveted title of MVP...Most Valuable PAWN.

Mother-In-Law Vs. Wife

Strawberry Letter: I would like some knowledge on how to handle this matter. The problem I am having is that is that my wife and my mother do NOT get along at this current time! I am African American and my wife is Caucasian. We also have two bi-racial children. There has been tension between my mother and wife since I returned back from overseas. When we were just dating, my mom would always call and check up on my wife, but after we got married it seemed that the relationship between the two started to spiral out of control. There has been two occasions. On the first occasion, I had a Re-integration meeting with my unit arriving from deployment and for some reason, my mother was in an ill mood over my wife choosing to sit in a different part of the room. My wife soon started to notice that there was a bad vibe at that time. Shortly thereafter, we headed back to our home along with my mother and sister. At a particular point they started to argue and name call so much it made me sick to my stomach and upset. For a while, they would not talk and my children could not see my side of the family because my wife refused to be around them at the time. After that storm blew over, they slowly started to make amends be respectful of one another. On the second occasion, we went to visit my mother on Easter Sunday and everything was going fine until my nephew got a scratch under his eye. My mother automatically blamed my wife of doing something to him, when it was clearly my daughter who had a toy she was waving around and accidentally hit my nephew in the face, in which I witnessed. My mom started to curse, yell and shout at my wife and at that time I told my wife that we were leaving, so we left. Later on, my wife told me that she did not want to be, nor the kids around my mom. This hurts me terribly because I love my mother. She raised all four of my siblings and myself on her own as a single parent and I respect her for that. But, I feel that my kids will suffer from most of this nonsense. They hardly ever get to see my side of the family as it is and they love it anytime they are around their cousins from my side of the family. I don’t know what to do sometimes and would like your opinion. Should I go against my wife’s wishes and take them to see my mother and family when she goes to work or should I just let it go and keep the distance and contribute to my kids not getting to see and know their family? I’m torn between the two, what should I do? 

My Response: It's sad when your mother and wife can't get along, and the kids are suffering through most of this garbage. The mother-in-law and wife are under no obligation to get along, but they can be civil for the children's sake. They think the children aren't paying attention, but they are. Kids are very perceptive; they know when something's not right. As the head of household, he needs to squash this since the mother and wife won't. It's always tough to see your mother and wife battling, but that's life. Situations like this will make someone choose between their wife and mother. A mother is a man's first example of a woman, so it's understandable if he sides with mom. Once a man takes a woman to be his wife, the wife becomes first priority. There's a reason why the mother doesn't like her son's wife, and it could be because of her race. Even though great strides have been made in race relations, we still have a ways to go before we reach equality. He doesn't have to have his wife's approval to take the children around his family, just do it. The kids deserve to see their father's side of the family; after all, the children do enjoy seeing their cousins from dad's side, so even if mom and wife can't co-exist, the kids don't have to suffer because the adults want to act stupid. He needs to tell his mother that although he loves and respects her, his first priority is to his wife. If she can't be civil to his wife, then she runs the risk of not seeing her grandchildren. Period. Sometimes, a man must put his foot down for his wife even if that means his relationship could be damaged with his mother or immediate family member.

You Picked Him!

Yesterday was Father's Day, a day set aside to honor fathers who have shaped their children's lives in remarkable ways. There has been an attack on fatherhood for quite some time. Bitter single mothers have gone so far as to demand recognition on Father's Day. You'll have some single mothers that acknowledge themselves on Father's Day, saying "I'm the mother and father to my child(ren) so I deserve recognition on Father's Day too." Unless she's a hermaphrodite, a mother can never play a father's role. Try as she may, but we all know the result of a single mother trying to raise a man. Children learn the most from what they're around on a daily basis. If a boy is raised around women, he's going to pick up feminine traits. Why do you think some of these young men are so fruity? Because they've been exposed to women all their lives. It's not the boy's fault. If the child's biological father refuses to be in his child(ren)'s life, the mother has no choice but to do what she needs to do. Still, there are father figures that a boy can learn manhood from.

Not all single mothers are single moms by choice. Sometimes, single mothers become as such through no fault of their own. If a father refuses to be involved in his child(ren)'s lives, that's his perogative. Just know that children are very smart. They know who's had their back from day 1. A mother has to do whatever's necessary to provide the best possible life for her child(ren), with or without him. What I can't stand is bitter single mothers who want recognition on Father's Day. I understand those single moms are upset at their child(ren)'s father, but she picked him! She should've known he was no good before she opened for business. So many women have babies by deadbeat men, and expect these men to take responsibility for that child. At some point, some women have to use better judgment in selecting a man to lay down with. If she can't see herself long term with him, why would she have his baby? A single mother cannot complain about her child(ren)'s father being a deadbeat. Why? BECAUSE SHE PICKED HIM.

But..

BUT is a powerful word in the deflector's arsenal. When (s)he is trying to explain their reasoning behind their action(s), they take the responsibility off themselves by inserting the word BUT. Here are some examples:

I was wrong for cheating on him/her, but...(s)he's never home...I got lonely, what else am I supposed to do?

I hit my (wo)man, but he shouldn't have pissed me off.

In these instance, the word but was used to deflect responsibility onto the victim, like as to say the victim is responsible for the outcome. When it comes to domestic abuse, the victim is never at fault, it's always the offender because (s)he (the offender) doesn't know how to control their anger. Domestic abuse could be a generational curse in some families, but at some point people need to ween themselves off of the word but. The word "but" negates everything said before, so I love when some people use that word, because they're showing how much of an adult they're not. Keep up the deflection, it looks good on you (sarcasm).

Do Men Respect Women Who Forgive Them For Cheating?

Do men respect their woman if she forgives him for cheating? That depends on the man. A good man respects his woman enough NOT to cheat on her, because he knows what that will do to her, and not too many women will let themselves get played over and over. She takes him back once, that's fine. When a man cheats again & she takes him back, I wonder what's going on with her self-esteem. When you have someone that's good to you, do everything in your power to hold onto them, because there are plenty of people waiting to take your spot. As a matter of fact, a good catch is a hot commodity. Everyone is gunning for them. Even the wrong people are looking at a good (wo)man as a prize because of their character. I have a hard time believing a man respects his woman for forgiving him of his indisrections. There are some women who will cut a man off at the first indiscretion, and that's to be expected.

I have a hard time believing a man respects his woman for forgiving him of his indisrections. There are some women who will cut a man off at the first indiscretion, and that's to be expected. Why stay while the other person continues to mistreat you? I've never understood that and never will. Here's the thing: If a man is bold enough to cheat on his woman, he has no respect for her. How can you respect someone you cheat on? You can't. If he respected her before & the cheating was a moment stupidity, then I think he does respect his woman since she took him back. After all, she didn't have to take him back. She could've left him to play sad R&B songs, but she found it in her heart to forgive him and give him another shot. What he does with that second chance is on him. I believe respect flies out the window when there's cheating. If you respect someone, it shows in the way you treat them. 

Inappropriate Stepdaughter

It should be understood there are some things you just don't know, and walking around in your bra & panties is one of them. If an underage child lives with their parents, I'm sure his/her parents told them to put some clothes on when they walk around the house. It's a respect thing. This morning's Strawberry Letter is about a spoiled 19-year old stepdaughter who is feeling herself to where she parades around the home in her bra & panties. The father is 45, and has 3 other children. The stepfather doesn't know if he should back off or confront the stepdaughter via the wife. As the head of household, this guy needs to put his foot down. Tell her to stop being so fast in walking around in her undergarments. If the stepdaughter gets mad, so what? Notice how this child won't pull that with her mother, but he's let her get away with that for so long, that he can't reign her in. No man should have to remove himself from any place in the household. He wants Steve to "watch out" how he talks about his daughter, but he called her a NASTY behind. 

Let me address an ugly TRUTH that people turn a blind eye to. He's LUSTing after his step daughter. TRUTH be told, he's already had SEX with her in his mind, so he's probably not far from SEXING her. The words we speak are very powerful. When he referred to her as nasty, he's speaking that into existence for his stepdaughter- that's why it casually rolls off his mouth. Whther he likes it or not, that's the TRUTH. Out of four children, why does the majority think he spoils THIS one? Her behavior didn't start yesterday. Why does she feel comfortable strutting around the house with next to nothing on and with total disregard for the next person's feeling?. Why doesn't she ACT like this when your wife is present? He should've addressed this inappropriate behavior with his WIFE. His eyes and mind have already humped her daughter and it's a short matter of time before you attempt the physical act. That's the TRUTH. I guess it slipped his mind not to mention the gender of your other children. You should also want to "give your life for" all your children, not just the 19 year old as you singled out. He's not slick.