Engagement Ring

Why do women make a big deal about the cost of an engagement ring? A woman should appreciate her engagement ring, regardless of cost. Some women have this notion that if a ring doesn't cost 5 figures, he didn't put much thought into choosing her ring. I say that's false; You can get a good engagement ring at a jewelry store in the mall for $1000-$2000, tops. No need to spend one's annual salary on a ring. You make $65K a year, and your ring budget is $30K. What? That's almost half one's salary. I could NOT see myself spending half of my salary on an engagement ring. Most women that want huge engagement rings don't realize they are paying for the engagement ring themselves. Some women want a man to save 3 months salary to purchase a ring. If he's not rich, that 3-6 months has to come from somewhere, and usually from financing. Not many people can drop 6 months salary on a ring, and think nothing of it. Many Americans are living paycheck to paycheck, so most people can't afford to drop $10K on an engagement. If you're wealthy, of course. A smart man would spend no more than $1000-$2000 on an engagement ring for his fiancee. A good woman wouldn't want her husband going broke buying an engagement ring. Think about it, the 3-6 months salary he's saving on the engagement ring could be better spent saving for the wedding or saving for a down payment on a house. People don't think like that; spending 5 figures on an engagement ring is living for the moment. I get he wants to make sure his lady is spoken for, and there's nothing wrong with that. I'm just saying some women shouldn't place so much emphasis on the cost of the ring. A lifetime together should be more important than how much an engagement ring costs. If you're rich, and can afford to drop $30K or so on an engagement ring, more power to you. If you're like many Americans, you're on a budget, and you have to watch every penny. I just think it's crazy to spend your annual salary on an engagement ring, not realizing you have to live afterwards.
 

Oprah Winfrey Interviews Joel Osteen - In Defense of Joel Osteen

 

Last night, Oprah sat down with famed megachurch pastor Joel Osteen. In this interview, he keeps it 100 all the way. They discuss a variety of faith-related topics. I remember listening to John Osteen several years ago on television, and that's how I heard of Joel. Originally, Joel wasn't checking for the pulpit, but God called him to preach the gospel. It's funny how God has a way of FORCING you into his agenda. Looking at Joel Osteen right now, I know he's making his dad proud. I remember Lakewood's humble beginnings in Northeast Houston. The church stayed in the ghetto for quite sometime before it moved to the former Rockets arena, the Compaq Center (formerly The Summit). Of the time Lakewood was in a black area, it made a difference in the hood. John Osteen died of a heart attack in '99 (the year I graduated from high school), so Joel took over. Joel Osteen is coming to Tallahassee, FL on March 14, 2014 so I plan on attending. I've been praying for a chance to see Joel Osteen live, and now I have my chance. I enjoy Joel's messages because they're succinct; he gets to the point in 30-35 minutes. Joel's style is a combination of motivational & inspirational preaching, and people need that. Life beats you down enough, and the last thing some people need is a fire & brimstone preacher. I understand the need for rebuke, but if all your sermons consist of doom & gloom, nobody's checking for that. Let me address something right now: I'm SICK & TIRED of Joel Osteen's critics. People always have something crazy to say about that man's blessings. When you honor God, he will honor you; simple as that. Joel came from humble beginnings and paid his dues, so he deserves to shine. Joel knows where he came from, so I don't think he's worried about his critics. When God blesses you, be ready for jealousy (even from your loved ones). Most people can't stand seeing another person doing better than them, so the natural thing to do is hate. People have this ridiculous notion that Christians are supposed to be broke & poor. First off, God wants his children to have the best in life. There's nothing holy about being poor & broke. You worry about where your next meal is coming from, you see others dressed better, and you want what they have. It baffles me that people think because a Christian is well-off, that they're worldly. God fills our lives with blessings, when we obey him. So, the world is supposed to be blessed but Christians aren't? Have seveal seats. Just because some people are accustomed to struggle, doesn't mean they should portray that on everyone. In closing, shout out to all Christians who are doing very well for themselves and stay humble. Keep on keeping on.

Not A Homewrecker?

Grown Soul & Real Talk:

I just wanted to say that every woman involved with a married man is NOT a home wrecker. Sometimes, things just happen and before you know it, you’re in your feelings and involved with that person. Also, sometimes it IS the wife’s fault the marriage is failing!
I’m saying this because I was involved with a married man for a year, and he actually divorced his wife and married me – he wasn't playing games and stringing me along.
My question, why do people automatically think it’s the other woman’s fault, she stole somebody’s husband, etc? Sometimes, it’s more complicated than that.

 

My View: A woman involved with a married man isn't a homewrecker. Wow...then I suppose a man who cheats on his woman isn't a cheater. The logic people use to excuse their misdeeds. The truth is this: A woman involved with a married man is a homewrecker, period. Because she can't get her own man, she seeks to get involved with a married one. Make it so bad, the married man doesn't leave his wife for the other woman. Why do some women think that because they get with a married man, he's a good man? Last time I checked, a good man would never disrespect his wife by having a side woman. That's all the other woman is, a side woman. Sometimes, it is the wife's fault the marriage is failing. She's not what he envisioned, not doing her job as a wife, etc. Various things can lead to a man seeking happiness outside of his marriage. Now, a man cannot be stolen. Chances are, he and the other woman were already plotting to see each other; they needed the right time to do it. Being with someone married is wrong, but we decide to do the wrong thing sometimes. People just have to be grown enough to deal with the consequences. She's ok with a man with no loyalty, integrity, or maturity & therefore found herself in love with such a person. That makes sense for her because she lacks those qualities. It doesn't matter if it's his fault, her fault, both of their faults. You see one side of the story. Was she on their journey from the beginning?? So how can she make any judgments according to what he said? It takes two to tango. Both of them are wrong. You end things as a virtuous person & ONLY then is it right to move on with someone else. Ultimately, it's the husband that chose not to be 100% committed to his vows for better or worse, through sickness and in health. In closing: If cheating was on the table, the marriage should've been over long ago. Keep in mind that he cheated on his wife with HER; so she cannot be upset when he blames her for stepping out on the relationship. Stories like that just give people more ammo NOT to get married, because someone can do all they can to make their spouse happy, but if a person wants to cheat, they're going to cheat.

Wedding Beef

GSRT Member Question:

I'm getting married next month. Our Dad left our mom for a younger woman a little over a year ago. He also tried to do our Mom dirty in the divorce, and both he and his new woman treated her really badly. They've supposedly made peace with it and everyone has moved on.
This woman he's with now is very disrespectful to our mom when we're around her and my Dad. We have asked her to not talk badly about our Mom when we are around but she continues to make horrible comments now and then. We also told her our Mom has been nothing but civil and doesn't say anything about her or our Dad so she needs to be a woman and stop all this noise. Our Dad never says anything, or lets her know she's out of line.
I told my Dad when I got engaged that his new "woman" was not welcome at my wedding for many different reasons. Now he says if she can't come, he's not coming either. I said fine--don't come, but my fiance says I should try to talk to my Dad again and make amends.
WTF? Am I being unreasonable?

My View: Weddings are a time for celebration, not drama. If her father wants to act stupid, LET HIM. If he's scared of his woman to where he won't check her for being free with the mouth, there's not much the daughter can do. Maybe it's for the best her father & his woman don't show up, because that's less drama for her to deal with. The fact that her father won't check his woman shows his true colors. Think about it: He tried to do her mom dirty in the divorce, and both of them treated her like a dog. Big ups go out to her mother for not sinking to these degenerates' level. Just because they're acting stupid, doesn't mean her mother should sink to their level. Their treatment towards her mother is proving one thing: She (the mother) is on their minds, but the mother is keeping it moving. The fact that her father & his new woman won't come to the wedding is a blessing because they would've tried to sabotage her wedding day. Divorce brings out the ugly in people, and that's one of many reasons why I'm reluctant to get married. I see where the fiance is coming from, but you can't make amends with someone who's bent on not coming to your wedding, especially if you think they're going to sabotage. I wouldn't try to talk sense into her father, because men are bullheaded so it would be futile. If she decides to make amends, she can do this: Meet him away from his new woman and from your mother. She explains to him again why she doesn't want her there and make the reasons clear. If he is still adamant that he is not coming, then wish them well. Life is too short for this nonsense. This is her wedding day, she shouldn't be stressing over a couple of clowns. Building up to the wedding, she should be excited about the planning process: Picking out her wedding gown and the reception. It's foul for her father not to come to her wedding because his new woman can't come too. Weddings are for the bridge & groom's closest friends & family. She sounds like trouble, so I wouldn't want her at my wedding either. A daughter's greatest joy is walking his daughter down the aisle on her big day, and her father won't give her that honor. Deep down, she will never forgive her father if he doesn't walk her down the aisle.



Big Dummy

 

Today's blog message is based on this Zane letter. Read on:

I just want to say, you are the best at what you do! Go head!! I have a huge issue. I’m 35 and when I was a sophomore in college, I met this really sexy white boy, he was the president of one of the biggest frats on campus. I had never been with a white boy before, and he had never been with a black girl so we messed around, and soon started dating. I’ll be honest, I really started dating him because he came from money, he was already admitted to law school, and I knew his future was going to be super bright. As soon as his family saw us together, they cut him off completely, but he worked his way through law school, and is now successful. We ended up getting married and we have 2 extremely gorgeous children, I have to admit, mostly due to his good genes. My husband and I work out religiously, and all the women I work with both old and young all get hot when he comes to bring me lunch or take me out to lunch every Monday and Friday. He's a fantastic provider and the best dad, me and our kids are his world. Recently, his family has come around to accepting us and so all is good… here’s the problem, my husband is white.

I can tell that my husband is extremely attractive, but he's not black. Unlike I thought about white boys, he's seriously packing down below and he goes all out in bed. Never a complaint there, hes like 99% perfect but, I've always been down for my chocolate men. Anyways, 2 months ago we hired a driver at my place of work, he’s 6’5 & 250 lbs of chocolate sexiness!! I lightly flirted with him and he with me, and soon we were sexting. He gets me HOT!! He's not much of a catch on paper, hes 32, has 6 kids, from 4 different women, but Zane he is FOINE!! On Saturdays, my husband takes the kids for the day and they let me have a "mommy day" usually for me to go to a spa or to do whatever I want. Last week, they came home early and caught me off guard while sexting. We had been sending pictures of body parts and my husband looked thru my phone. Zane, do you know what he did? He CRIED. Wtf? What man cries?? I thought he was going to get mad, but he cried. What a punk. He cried for days, I've never been so turned off. He might be secretly gay, or just a sissy. Men don’t cry they get angry, I thought he was going to look for the dude I was sexting, but hes talking about counseling! UGH!! I want a REAL MAN!! Ive been thinking about filing for divorce so that I can get things started with my chocolate man, he wants to move in with me when I get a place. I don’t mind leaving the kids with my husband, that’ll give me more privacy anyway. Do you think my husband has been on the DL? My best friend and I no longer talk bc she thinks I’m in the wrong, am I? I want a strong black man, not this sissy boy. Please help!!

My View: Basically, she's cheating on her husband by sexting with another man. To top it off, the husband cried? First off, if another man is trying to get at your woman, as her man you're supposed to handle that by any means necessary. This is why some men think very low of women, because of trifling broads like her. I get she and her husband aren't on good terms, but she doesn't have to hurt him. Make it so bad, she has no remorse either. I don't get how some people can make vows in marriage, then one spouse thinks nothing of hurting the other. Make it so bad, some people are proud to be hurtful to others. I don't blame her friend for not talking to her; I wouldn't either. Her friend doesn't respect her foul nature because she doesn't want to associate with slimy people. As the old adage goes: You are the company you keep; If you associate with crooks, you're one by association. "He's not much of a catch on paper, hes 32, has 6 kids, from 4 different women, but Zane he is FOINE!!" Ok, I thought when a woman cheats, she cheats on a higher caliber man. The man she's cheating with isn't much of a catch according to her, but he's handsome. This woman has no respect for her marriage, let alone her husband. If the husband is smart, he will x out the counseling idea and beat her to the punch with filing for divorce. Infidelity of ANY kind is unforgivable. Who's to say the other man and her haven't already met, and got physical? She did mention wanting to move him in once she gets her own spot. He may be "foine" as she states, but she'll get tired of him living off her. Add his baby mama issues to the mix, and this is a recipe for disaster. I hope she knows what she's doing. Is she prepared for any baby mama drama? We'll soon find out.



Dating: 2 FOR $20 (Applebee's, Chili's)

 

When you ask someone out on a date, and you don't want your pockets to suffer, you can't go wrong with a $2 for $20 at Applebee's. Chili's has a similar deal, so whatever place is your preference, enjoy yourself. Best of all, many men wouldn't mind coming out of pocket for a woman with this kind of special. If someone has a problem with this, they're not the one. You share an appetizer, and get two full entrees all for $20. If my lady and I are going out one evening to dinner & a movie, I'd take advantage of this deal. Nobody has time to spent ridiculous amounts of money on dinner & a movie. I'm very frugal with my finances, because I just can't see going to a 5 star restaurant and paying $100 or so on dinner. It's not like you get a generous portion of food. If you do dinner & a movie, you're going to spend more than $20, I'm just saying. The cost increases if you live in a major city (Chicago, New York, Los Angeles, Miami, Dallas, Houston, etc.). I do notice a difference in big-city women and women from medium-sized cities. Big-City women have more expensive tastes, and they expect a man to drop stacks for them even though she may not see herself with him long-term. A man and woman live in Chicago, and he asks her out on a date. The man & woman are both investment bankers at a major finance firm in Chicago. He asks her on a date, and she agrees. They both are making bank, so money isn't a thing. The guy is very frugal with his finances, and doesn't see a need to have expensive taste. The only expensive thing he owns is his 2014 Infiniti that he paid for in cash. On date night, the man & woman introduce themselves and they go to Applebee's for a 2 for $20 special. The woman isn't pleased because she thought he was taking her someplace nice. Because he asked her on a date, he had power to choose where they went for dinner. Besides, he's paying so I don't know what her deal is. They're having good conversation, and she starts loosening up. After dinner, he leaves the tip and they're on their way. The moral of this message is this: No date should cost more than $20, and if it does...offer to go dutch.

Daddy's Girl

 

I'm going to offend some folks, but I don't care who slighted. Just like women don't mess with mama's boys, we men don't/shouldn't seek out Daddy's Girls. Think about it: A woman runs to daddy as soon as she gets in a bind, because she knows Daddy will bail her out. How many fathers you know teach their girls to stand on their own? Very few, if any. Fathers pamper their daughters, and she grows up seeking a man just like Daddy. The whole Daddy's Girl mantra is not a good look, AT ALL. If mama's boys are frowned upon, Daddy's Girls should be frowned on as well. What's the first thing that comes to mind when you hear Daddy's Girl? A woman that's close to her father. She measures her husband based on the bar set by her father. If her father is honest, hardworking/ambitious, God fearing, that's who she wants in her husband. Let me expose the double standard: A woman living with her parents is going through a bad time, but a man living with his parents is considered a bum. Why is that? Men are expected to be able to survive on their own, we're not supposed to ask for help. If a man needs help, it's a last resort. He will exhaust all options before he finally asks for help. Women need a little more help being independent, which is why they're usually the last to move on their own. Should I choose parenthood, my job is to raise responsible children. My daughter wouldn't get any special treatment. I'd show her how a man should treat her based on affection shown to mom, & raise her to be independent so she wouldn't have to come to me for everything. My daughter wouldn't be thinking about boyfriends, she would be about her education. Should she find a suitable man, I meet him first to see what he's about. Out of all these skeezers, what makes my daughter special? Understand this, he hurts her, I hurt him. My princess will understand what it takes to keep a man happy. In my view, some Daddy's Girls are dependent on dad. If dad cuts her off financially, she beomces desprate to make it. She's never had to earn her way in life, because everyhing she ever wanted & needed was given to her by Daddy. Here's the Irony: Mama's boy is frowned upon because many mothers equip their sons with skills to be HER man. That's no different than a Daddy's Girl because he's teaching her how to be HIS man. If a man's getting to know his woman, he wants to be #1 in her life. With dad in the picture, that's going to be difficult because he's competing with her father to win her heart. I can understand why many men don't want Daddy's Girls, because she expects her man to be just like daddy. I will say this: A woman who grew up with her father knows how to relate to men. She recognizes a good man because that's what she saw growing up. A woman growing up without a dad may not know how to deal with men because she's never had that influence. She carries on being disrespectful towards men, until one claps back and checks her. There's pros & cons to dating a Daddy's Girl.