Men Retreating From Their Lady

Every man wants their woman to hold him down in the rough times, right? Right. Who wouldn't want a man/woman that has their back when the going gets tough? The following question was posed to me by a friend: Why do men withdraw from women they are closest to when they're going through things, but find time to get on facebook? Is it because they are ashamed? My response was as follows: It can be due to shame but it has more to do with pride. Most men don't want to seem weak in front of their woman so they feel they have to be strong 24-7. If a man has to withdraw from his woman in order to get his mind right, that's what he will do. Many men don't want to burden their woman with his problems so that's why most men deal with their issue(s) on their own. When life gets rough (and it will), every man wants a lady that has his back. It takes a lot for a man to open up and when a man feels good about his woman to open up to her, she IS NOT to undermine him in any way because that could damage the relationship. Most women want a strong man (rightfully so) but the strongest men break down from time to time; it doesn't make him less of a man, it means he's human. Men deal with issues differently than women. If women have an issue, they usually talk it out with each other because women are used to dealing with their emotions. With men, it's the opposite. Depending on the man, he will deal with the issue(s) straight up and keep moving. You have some men that deal with problems by going away to clear their heads and that's fine; different strokes for different folks. If I'm in a relationship with my lady and I had a lot on my mind, my first instinct would be to bring it to God and then my woman, if I choose to. Once I get alone, I'm able to resolve most, if not all my problems because the solitude helps me sort things out. I feel it's at least common courtesy to say I need some alone time but dont just single one person out ESP when they are probably one of the few people that genuinely care about you. Everyone needs to be MIA at times in order to get their mind right. Not all the time do we need others to get us through. If a man doesn't feel comfortable telling his woman what's on his mind, that's a sign he needs to get rid of her.

Men Vs. Women: Submission To God

When it comes to hearing from God, women blow men out of the water. I'm being honest. That's not to say that men don't hear from God because they do..it's just that women are more in tune with God because in many families, women are the prayer warriors. They are the ones seeking God on behalf of their family. As much as I appreciate all the prayer warrior women, men need to step their game up. After all, the man is supposed to be the spiritual leader and a spiritual leader takes on the responsibility for those under him. If a man is the head like God ordained, HE'S the one that should be the prayer warrior for his family, not his wife. Another thing I've noticed is that women are more likely to surrender to God because they know he knows what's best. Men will fight tooth & nail with God until they get to a point where they allow God to do his thing. Until now, I've never understood why men have a harder time surrendering to God. Is it ego/pride? Yes, among other things. When a man surrenders to God, he acknowledges he doesn't have all the answers. That is the hardest thing for a man to do is admit he doesn't know everything. Men want to feel like they have the answers for every issue that comes up and if they don't, they feel inadequate. Women don't have this issue because they are secure in themselves to know they can count on God for things they don't understand. Men need to realize that God knows all, and they can come to him for answers to life's many challenges. The revelation a man gets from God, he can pass down to his family. If anything, a man's wife will have a deeper appreciation for him because he took time to seek God for wisdom on how to be the man for his family that God called him to be. Much of what God does falls on the man. Women may surrender first but when a man surrenders to God, amazing things happen! A God-fearing man is a force to be reckoned with.

When All Else Fails, Stand & Keep Walking

Everyone has been at this point in life. They have done all they can to improve their situation and it seems nothing is working. They pray & pray and it's like things are getting worse before they get better. It shouldn't be like that but because we live in a fallen world, that's how life rocks at times. I don't know about you, but I've been here many times in my life where I've done all I can do and then some so I get to a point where I need to just STAND. In standing, that's when God shows up & shows out. It has taken me a while to get to this point but now that I'm here, I have to dig in the trenches and do whatever it takes to make it. It gets tempting to quit but I'm too stubborn for that. I refuse to look back with regrets because I gave up at the finish line. It's when you get closer to the finish line that you get an extra push. It's the extra boost that can mean the difference between success & failure. No one wants to be a failure, do they? I should hope not. There's something about keeping it moving when you have every reason to quit. You want to give up but somehow you find the strength to keep going because when you make it, the blood, sweat & tears was worth it. Resilience doesn't come overnight, you have to develop that aspect of your personality. I feel bad for people who were at the brink of success but quit because of the constant disappointment; they almost reached their goals but decided to quit right at the finish line. I couldn't live like that because you get one life so it's important to make the most of it. If making the most of your life means you have to fight to get where you want & need to be, so be it. The victory will be worth it in the end. Nothing worthwhile in life comes easy, you have to fight for it. When you've done all you can, JUST STAND! Everything will be alright.

Never Let Someone Define You, Write Your Novel

I can't understand why anyone would let someone define them, that's flaw to me. If God wanted someone else to define us, he would've done so but because he made us different, being the same as everyone is not the move. One thing about me is that I've never been defined by other people, nor will I allow that to happen. I embrace myself to the fullest, good & bad while trying to turn the bad into good. When you march to the beat of your own drum, no one can take that away from you. Marching to the beat of your drum allows you to call YOUR shots; you determine how far you go in life. When you are defined by someone, they have their agenda and will force it on you. They probably don't mean to but when you have no individuality, that's what happens: You allow someone to define you. People change like clothes so one minute they think the world of you, and the next they can't stand you. This is why I don't take stock in what people say about me (good or bad) because people are fickle. My self-esteem is high enough so I don't have room for someone's definition of me. I appreciate everyone who thinks highly of me but as stated before, I don't let anyone define me except GOD. There's nothing like you defining yourself (with the proper exception of Jesus) because when you know who you are, people can speak ill of you and it won't phase you because you already know what to expect. People who let someone else define them have no backbone; they are people-pleasers because they're focused on others' approval they lose their sense of self. They may finally reach a point where they are tired of letting someone define them so they decide to step out. It's unsettling to Person A because they are so used to calling the shots that when Person B wakes up, all Person A has to do is pull our their Ace card and depending on how strong Person B is, the person may or may not allow themselves to be pulled back into being defined by someone else. No one can write your novel like you, so don't give someone that power.

Change The Inside Before The Outside

I shake my head at people who think they can find happiness by changing the exteriors of their situation (bank account, job, education, etc.). These same folks need to realize that you can't change the outside unless you fix the inside. Simply put, fix the interiors before you work on the exterior. This seems to be prevalent in relationships because you have men & women that aren't satisfied with their appearance so they go to great lengths to change the exterior thinking that will give them the happiness they desire. It goes deeper than that because they look good on the outside but they feel like crap internally. What they don't get is that they need to work on the 'insides' first (Self-worth/confidence/esteem, sense of direction, etc) or they'll get what they've always gotten. If you feel good internally, you'll feel good externally. The two aren't mutually exclusive but some people think you have to change the outside in order to be happy on the inside. It's like someone who underwent a dramatic weight loss. They look & feel better but many of them will never forget the gross disrespect they endured based on their size. You have to unload previous baggage so you won't bring that into new relationships because nobody wants to deal with someone with a negative disposition. I know I don't. It wouldn't be fitting for someone that has their stuff together to be a person's doctor. Very few people have the patience to heal someone's hurt. You don't have to be in a relationship to understand this concept. Changing The Inside Before You Change The Outside can apply to interpersonal relationships as well. Body language can tell more about a person than words ever will.

You Can't Get Strong Without Endurance

One of the hallmarks of strength training is endurance. When you are lifting weights, the object is to build strength in that muscle. As you crank out sets, the muscle gets stronger through endurance, which is being able to withstand intense pressure for a period of time. If you are looking to get seriously strong, you tax your body with strenuous strength training so you can reap the benefits. Life works the same way because every trial & tribulation you go through produces endurance, which in turn causes you to become stronger even though it may seem like the trial is never-ending. Life wasn't intended to have ups & downs but since Adam & Eve disobeyed God by eating the forbidden fruit, sin entered the world and that's why there's so much drama in the world today. From a Christian standpoint, God gives each person their individual assignments to complete, each comes with a definite time period. Some people have shorter assignments, others have longer assignments but ultimately, God's people have a divine assignment. There are times where God's people pray against a situation because they don't want to go through the fire (I count myself here) but when they come out, they are more refined than ever because the fire burns away impurities. God will not put anymore on people than they can bear but at the same time he's trying to teach patience. I'm the first to tell people that patience IS NOT a virtue for me. I want what I want, when I want it *shrug* I'm a continual work in progress in that arena. When God sees fit to release you from the assignment, he will. Until then, stay the course and keep fighting. Every time I've prayed against a divine situation (ordered by God), it prolongs the assignment so I'm continually learning to stay focused in the heat of battle. This blog reminds me of the adage "Patience Is A Virtue". Yes, patience is a virtue if you are trying to learn an important character trait but I think impatience can be healthy also. Impatience is a virtue if you're not willing to settle. It gives you the drive to keep going until you see your desire(s) manifested. I used to dislike impatience but I've grown to embrace it especially if it will keep me focused.

Don't Lead If You Don't Like What Follows

Everybody wants to be a leader but nobody wants the responsibility. Most people who aspire to leadership have ulterior motives such as fame & fortune or in worst cases, the authority to "throw their weight around". People don't realize that leaders have tremendous responsibility. Leaders cannot be afraid to make difficult decisions even if they don't agree. A leader has to remain calm under pressure because his/her subordinates look to them for guidance and if the leader cracks, that means trouble for the entire team. Leaders have to put their agenda(s) aside for the greater good & most importantly, they have to work with various personalities. A leader just can't think about him/herself, they have to consider others' in the decisions they make. While they take others' feelings into consideration, a leader must understand that they cannot please everybody. Once they learn this concept, everything will be so much better. I'm going to be honest: There are people in leadership that DON'T BELONG THERE. Either they are power-hungry or they have no idea what true leadership entails. At its core, a leader is a servant. The reason I say a leader is a servant is because they work for others' benefit. In the corporate realm, the CEO is the highest ranking executive but even the CEO has to answer to the Board Of Directors. The CEO's decisions must be satisfactory to the board or he could be replaced. A leader must be strong enough to endure criticism or (s)he won't last. Everyone won't agree with his/her decisions but that's not the leader's fault. No matter the decision, some people will never be satisfied so they will find fault in everything. That's their problem, not the leader's. Many people ascending into leadership realize they moved into leadership too fast and need a little more grooming. They get in over their heads and the controversy surrounding leadership gets to them. As a leader, all eyes are on you. There are people that seek to undermine a leader every chance they get so a person in authority must be EXTRA careful for those types. Anyone (myself included) that aspires to leadership must understand one principle: If you want to wear the crown, take responsibility for the ups & downs.