Second Thoughts

Situation (posted from Grown Soul & Real Talk): We've been married for over a year; we are both in our early 30's and agreed to start a family right away. I found out I was pregnant 2 months ago. My husband's attitude has completely changed. Now he's moody, he's worried about how expensive raising a child is, he hasn't touched me sexually since we found out, and he spends more time away from home. I've tried to talk to him and he says he's processing the pregnancy and coming to terms with the fact that our lives are about to change forever. I don't get it. We agreed to this before we were ever married, and even after we got married. Why the switch up? And how long do I wait out his processing?

 

Pregnancy is a scary time for men and women. She's going through the changes physically, so she's going to need a little more reassurance from her husband that she's still beautiful. Women start to gain weight, be a little more emotional than usual, labor pains, eating for 2, lack of sleep, etc. Women go through a lot during pregnancy. Men go through a lot during pregnancy as well: He's worrying about his child(ren)'s health; whether they will be born disabled or healthy, he's thinking of how he can provide the best life for his family, etc. Pregnancy is a scary time for both. At the same time, if they've agreed to start a family right away, what's the problem? Is he having second thoughts or does he have another woman? A lot of men would be excited their lady is birthing his child(ren). That's HIS seed inside her.

Why do some men think their lady WON'T change physically during childbirth? She's carrying a child for 9 months and that baby is going to be kicking inside her, causing her to feel a little more fatigued. She's going to feel ugly at times, and her man needs to reassure her beauty. Obviously, she doesn't feel sexy because look at how he treats her? He's never touched her sexually since the news. He's expecting her to keep that pre-pregnancy body throughout their pregnancy. I can't speak for him, but I would try to smash every chance I get, especially since she's preggo. He could be trying to come to terms with the pregnancy because he knows what's ahead. He's got a lot of responsibility ahead of him, and I'm not sure he's ready for fatherhood, otherwise he'd be a lot more supportive.

I hope he can "process" things in the middle of night when the baby starts crying. I think he'll come around & love her more than ever before. He's just trying to come to grips with the changes that are ahead. 

Mimi's Sex Tape

Mimi Faust from Love & Hip Hop Atlanta has a sex tape out and it's gone viral over the Internet. Make it so bad, she has a daughter and she's getting her back knocked out by her friend Niko. Call me crazy, but aren't sex tapes supposed to be for the couple's eyes only? You never put out a private act for the world to see. The fact that she has a daughter is more sickening. What are kids at her school gonna think? Kids can be very vicious, and the last thing you want is word to get out that your mom's getting her back knocked out by some guy. If you recall on Tyler Perry's House Of Payne, Malik and Jasmine (Laramie Doc Shaw & China McClain)'s mother Jeanine (Demetria McKinney) was on drugs and later on, she got her life straight. She comes to visit her children when Malik fires off on her, saying how her addiction was the butt of classmates' jokes.

I remember when Kim Kardashian dropped her (in)famous sex tape, and she blew up off that. Maybe, Mimi is trying to come up like Kim Kardashian. What many people don't understand is that Kim Kardashian was somewhat famous prior to the sex tape, and the tape just cemented her fame even more. It seems like everywhere you turn, some reality star is making a sex tape. Kim K made one, now Mimi dropped one, and apparently Nicki Minaj has a sex tape out. I believe that sex is a private act that's to be shared with the one you love. No one needs to see your personal business. When I read about Mimi's sex tape, I thought little of it because I don't like porn. I just feel it's tacky for a couple to put their bedroom business on display. These people have to realize that once the video is posted, it's online FOREVER. Even if they die, that memory will be etched in the minds of millions.

Somehow, I really believe Mimi dropping a sex tape is going to make her famous. It worked for Kim Kardashian, so why wouldn't it work for Mimi? Sex does sell. The sex industry grosses over a billion dollars annually, so I guess for Mimi and many other women, dropping a sex tape is their gold mine.

She's Too Nice

Can a woman be too nice to the point where it's a turnoff? Is there such thing as too nice, cooperative, etc? That depends on the man. I can't speak for other men, but I'll take a cooperative & nice woman anyday. I don't have time to be combative with my lady, that's for the birds. I don't know why, but some men actually prefer a woman that'll give them a challenge. When you get a challenging woman, you'll definitely get more than you asked for. Even if you're doing your job as a man, she'll find something to buck up against you about. Unless you're ready for her to always speak her mind (even when it's not warranted at times), you'll be better off with the nice & cooperative woman. Nice & cooperative doesn't mean docile, it means that she has her own mind, but trusts her man to lead in the right direction. Most people confuse cooperative with docile.

A man has the right to desire whatever woman he chooses, according to his personality. A strong man wants a strong woman, and a chill man wants a chill woman; to each their own. I'm strong & meek when needed. I don't have to thump my chest to prove I'm a strong man; it speaks for itself. Most men will desire a nice & cooperative woman, and why wouldn't they? A man goes to war outside his home: He deals with stress from his job, loved ones, etc. The last thing a man should be getting stress is from his woman. If a man says with a straight face that he loves a combative woman, then he has no right to complain about her nature. He likes her combativeness, remember? A woman that's "too nice" & cooperative runs circles about a combative lady because that nice & cooperative woman is committed to building with him, not against him.



Amazon: I'll Give You $5,000 To Quit

Paying Employees To Quit

 

I read an article about Amazon paying disgruntled employees $5,000 to quit. The premise behind this pay-to-leave strategy is that if you don't like your job or the company, leave. How many people are foolish enough to take this offer? In the back of my mind, I'm thinking set-up. If people voluntarily walk off and take the money, that saves them from any paperwork & severance pay. If some employees take the money, there's no unemployment obligations for the state & the company gets a tax write-off. For Amazon, it's a win-win. Thinking deeper, this could be a test to see who's loyal to the company. Many employees have no loyalty to their employers, and with good reason: Many companies aren't loyal to their employees. Layoffs are prevalent in this economy, and even the best employees aren't immune.

Why should employees be loyal to a company that cares nothing about their welfare? Employers forget that employees are the backbone of the company. Without dedicated employees, the C-level executives would have to do their jobs, in addition to what the employees do daily. If employers want employee loyalty, show appreciation for the people who help build your company. Given how tough finding a job in this economy, people better be thankful they have one, even if they don't like it. If you don't like your job, use it as a stepping stone to something better. Keep doing what you're supposed to do, and look for another job on your own time. Many employers are looking for any reason to let someone go, and if it means paying money to do so, that's what they do.

If I enjoy my job & it's a good fit, I'm staying right where I'm at, because I may not find another job better than what I have now. I understand giving disgruntled employees a way out because you don't want them to drag morale down. Then again, that employee should've done enough homework to know if they would like the company or not prior to accepting the employment offer.

I Want A Man, & I Need Him Now!

Today's topic is a play on an old JG Wentworth commercial: The commercial states: It's My Money And I Need It Now! Flipping the script, I say: Some women want a man, and they need him now. I read a Facebook post from a woman that used to be content being single, but now she's getting desperate for a man. First off, why switch now? You're fine being alone and all of a sudden you want someone in your life. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Learn how to be alone before you can be with someone. Use the alone time to work on yourself. I can't stand some (wo)men that are so desperate for a (wo)man, they'll sacrifice their principles. The first person that comes along, you fall head over heels for them. Never mind them having a life before & after you; you just want someone to have on your arm. When you get desperate for a (wo)man, you act thirsty and that turns many people off. You're thinking with your hormones, and tend to throw caution to the wind.

I'm not saying it's wrong to desire someone to spend your life with; humans were designed for companionship. What I'm saying is that a (wo)man shouldn't get so caught up in finding someone that (s)he compromises their principles. What you require of someone, you throw your standards out the window as soon as a pretty young thing comes along. Never mind that oftentimes, wolves appear in sheep's clothing. Sometimes, a toxic person will come as a stand-up (wo)man just to get close to you. Once they wear you down, that's when their toxic nature comes out. I suppose many people talk a big game about being content with singleness, but after careful thought...those same folks realize that a committed relationship could be a blessing.

It's ok to want someone to spend the rest of your life with, but needing them is a different story. What if God wills you to be single forever? Are you going to go against his will, or is (s)he going to continue fighting hard to have someone in their life?

Chasing Booty

A single, successful, attractive man has an offer to sleep with an equally attractive, single & successful woman. Is there any reason why he wouldn't jump at the chance to knock her back out? Most people think men are thirsty horndogs that are all about sex, so one would expect him to knock her back out. Some men would sleep with her because those men aren't thinking straight anyway. Their main focus is wam, bam, thank you ma'am. Once a man has nailed an attractive woman, he's on his way because he got what he came for (on the flip side, she got what she wanted because some women will initiate sexual contact). Usually, men who spend all their time and money chasing booty have nothing going for themselves, so they base their self-worth on the kitty.

People are surprised to hear of men who aren't concerned with getting some kitty. These men are on their grind, and sex isn't important to them. They're too busy to chase after a woman who's probably had several guys run up in her already, so he knows the headache that could result. It's said that if you sleep with a (wo)man, you've slept with those before her. How do those sloppy seconds, thirds & fourths taste? I rest my case. It's bananas how some people think that men haven't evolved past high school. In high school, that man probably would've nailed the first cutie he saw; now that he's matured, he realizes what's most important: Building his own legacy. Contrary to what some people think, there are men who aren't led by their other head.
A man that's reached the pinnacle of his personal & professional life doesn't have time to chase after kitty. Women have never paid him any mind before, so why would he check for a woman now? In most cases, he's not because he wants to stay on top of his game. Once a man has reached the top, the only place he can go is down. Most successful men aren't trying to come down, they want to remain on top; if they see a woman as a distraction, she won't get the chance to deter him because he'll cut her off before she has a chance to approach. The premise behind this message is that there are men that place little to no value on chasing booty. What you value, goes into how you live your life.

Will You Marry Me? In 1 year or less.

I hear of couples that have gotten engaged in a year or less, and I ask myself: What's the rush? Getting to know someone takes longer than a year, and you're going to propose to them based on lovey-dovey feelings? That's silly to me, but to each their own. It's easy to get to know a person's good side, but when their bad side shows him, that high wears off. I couldn't propose to my lady after a year or less of knowing her. Even if I know what to look for (which I do), I believe in taking things slow. We have plenty of years ahead of us, so slow down ma'am. There's a reason why half of first marriages end in divorce, and I'm willing to wager that haste (among other factors) had something to do with it. It seems like nobody wants to wait anymore, everyone rushing into marriage.

There are couples that have gotten married a year after meeting each other, and are doing very well. I salute those couples because they obviously hit it off to take a big step so soon. Seldom does a couple hit it off and end up married a year later, but I know it happens. A couple should take a minimum of 2 years to get to know each other before becoming engaged. I say 2 years because that gives you enough time to find out as much about them as possible. You see them at their best & worst, and in between. 2 years is enough time to figure out if you are compatible with that person, something that can't be accomplished in a year or less. The first year is the lovey-dovey phase, where you're so enamored with that person that you see no wrong.

Once the lovey-dovey phase wears off, you really see where your partner stands. When the money's drying up, are they down for the long haul? It's easy to stick around when the money pours like the Mississippi. The love is tested in sickness & health, rich or poor, etc. People need to think marriage through very carefully before making that leap. You cannot know everything about a person in one year or less. Getting to know someone is a lifetime affair, one that shouldn't be taken lightly.